I'm going crazy!

This is making me nuts. I changed to BETA and then could get on, then couldn't, then could, then couldn't and NOW here I am. I can only access on The Hubby's computer after he has gone to bed. I just wanted to write....ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Anyway, Christmas is now over and getting ready for the new year. I'm not making new resolutions because I'm already doing the usual ones; eat better, lose weight, exercise...you know the usual. It's all pretty ridiculus all the fretting and worrying about what needs to written in the journals/diaries.

I finally got my meds for the thyroid a few days ago after the phone call to the pharmacy and two to the doc's office. Seems a nurse has again fallen down on the job. The fax number to the pharmacy was not the right one so the script was lost in fax space somewhere. My gosh what is wrong with people. I hope I start to feel better. Maybe this is what I have needed all along.

On another note...I have always wanted to write, like a novel or short story but my mind lately has been in such a bog I just couldn't collect my thoughts and then all of a sudden I was writing ideas. Incredible, I've written 6 pages of ideas, of stories....YIPEEEEEEE

Finally!

Finally, I've been able to get on here to blog. I changed to the Beta format and it blocked me from signing in. ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

This week has been pretty easy. I have my Christmas done and am just waiting to PARTY!

This will be our first Christmas without Momma. I'm not sure if I should be sad or what. Actually, Momma, I think didn't like Christmas too much EXCEPT to have her family together. When I was little with my baby Bro and Sis, we were so down in money that I remember Momma haggling with a dime store owner in our small town for a very cheap artificial tree. The man would not do it. He was so mean and Momma NEVER went into his store again and neither did I. Momma was so embarrassed and I think that really affected how she viewed Christmas. We had fun, great Christmas holidays but as she got older the season was not very evident in our household. She never sent Christmas cards. In fact, this year I only did a very few, mostly out-of-towners who I don't see very often. It has been kind of hard even though I had THE PARTY OF THE CENTURY!!!!! I just can't seem to get out of the depression I've been and I think I know why besides Momma.

I had a physical in October and have been waiting to get a call or letter from my doctor telling me how I did. Finally, Monday the office called and the nurse said there was a previous nurse who didn't follow up on tons of patients. Anyway, everything was fantastic. My blood pressure, triglycerides, EKG, xray's even my weight was not a concern (more later on that), but, my thyroid numbers were extremely low even though I'm on thyroid medicine. She said it could explain having only 3 cycles this year, tiredness, weight gain, my just not feeling with it. She said they would call in a higher dose of meds....that was Monday, today is Friday and not a word about my meds. I even called on Wednesday and they said the doctor had not signed off yet. Well, he's probably on Christmas vacation now and here I sit feeling like crap!

Sorry. Now back to the weight thing. I've been working very hard to lose the pounds since July (actually for eight years now) and the scale is not budging, AT ALL! My clothes are changing big time. Even my hands and feet are smaller, it's incredible how the little things are changing. This morning the scale ticked down one stupid pound. I guess that's really good during the Christmas season and all the food that abounds.

On another note we had to let an employee go on Tuesday and it was a real bummer to do it at Christmas but there was absolutely no choice. We are in the service/construction field and he was involved in an inappropriate action with a customers relative. This is not a good image for us and so it had to be dealt with immediately. The customer was very afraid of retaliation. We had to be very careful. This has been an eventful week I must what with that incident, our huge office Christmas BBQ and then the thieves we had. What a week.

My Christmas Present

This is my new Christmas present that I asked for, mind you today is December 19....I sent an email to The Hubby of what I wanted with even a link to Amazon for him to purchase. Of course, he had to try Ebay first, his second love (I'm his first). He said for me to order it...I did. It came via the USPS and so I came home to find a notice of delivery. I had to go to the post office...Christmas time yet and wait in line for 30 minutes to pick up my Christmas present. I brought it home and put it on his desk for him to at least wrap. He came home and wanted to know what it was. I told him and he asked why I put it there, I explained. He said he thought I would want to learn how to use it "for" and "before" Christmas. So here I am with probably my only Christmas present on December 19. Funny guy...

What an exciting day I've had!

What an exciting day I've had. I ran a jillion errands this morning and finally arrived at the office around 10:30 to find The Hubby in the back storage closet. This storage closet also holds our security cameras that surround the building and inside. He was trying to find who possibly had gone dumpster diving in the dumpster because the stuff he put in the night before was out on the ground. What he found was a guy walking back to the back of the parking lot and then walking out of the gates with a huge roll of aluminum wire on his shoulder. We checked the front cameras and saw him get into a truck and take off. Boy, was The Hubby ticked off. So I was told to watch the cameras and then he locked the gates (the lot is also where the employees park their cars). I watched off and on all day long on my computer and then about 2:30 pm (The Hubby was gone) I heard a noise at the side of the building. I pulled up the cameras and saw a guy walking away from the dumpster WITH THE GATES STILL LOCKED. I yelled at "Ben" who is our estimator and he got up and ran and then I yelled "it's the same guy as this morning." I ran after "Ben" out the back door and he yelled at the guy who just tossed another roll of wire over the back fence. He hollered at the guy that he was on camera and then the guy jumped over a low area on the fence and ran around the front of the shop. I ran up front and out the front door to encounter a truck with two greasy guys sitting in it. Funny, the first truck was white or primer and the second truck was navy blue with a camper shell. I stood there with my hands on my hips and my nostrils flaring at the guys. The passenger was creepy with long black greasy hair. He yelled at the driver just as the guy from the lot ran around the corner and tried to jump in the camper shell back part. The truck started to take off and the idiot wire stealer stumbled off the back and yelled at the truck. They stopped and he threw himself in the truck and they peeled off. "Ben" yelled he had their license plate and as they drove by me I ran to the street and caught the license too. Just yesterday I took my camera out of my purse. If I had it still I could have taken a really good picture of the idiot passenger and then ran inside. What nerve these idiots. We had TWO company cars sitting out front and they had the stupid idea of robbing us in broad daylight. Of course we called the police and hopefully they will get caught. We surmise that they had to do it during the day so they could sell the wire and get money for their drug habit or beer for the weekend. Stupid guys, the price for aluminum is not that good compared to copper, which is INSIDE....STUPID BRAINLESS IDIOTS.

The Big Bash

Well, the party is over and I am glad and sad. It was great fun to prepare and great fun to host and see all of my friends and laugh and drink a LOT of wine. Ooooooooo...When the last guest had left I made my way to the powder room and made my offering to the Wine Gods....I slept on the cold floor (actually The Hubby found me a thermal hunting rest to lay on) till about 4 am and then spent most of the day in bed. Here I am 3:30 pm and able to walk upright. The Hubby was WONDERFUL. He cleaned up most of the food mess and washed ALL of the wine glasses. He's great...ok the wine is still talking again..haha...Neighbors, friends and family, the banker, the realtor, the plumber, the contractor, the architect were all here to celebrate the Christmas season and the remodel of our house. It has been a very hard year for me and this just helped to put the year behind me. I am happy to share all the good things in my life with my family and friends.

Ohhh, I'm going to start to cry...wait...no...that's my stomach churning...Gotta go BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEe.e...

Twas the Night Before Christmas 70 style

“Twas The Night Before Christmas”


Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the pad
Baby, nothing was happenin’
Real quitesville, Dad!

There were ornaments strung round the espresso bar
And one dangled from Arthur (like that’s my guitar!)
And our stockings were hung, because, man, like I mean
We hoped Nicky Baby would soon make the scene.

Mother turned down the sound on the hi-fi and then
She curled upon the floor with a volume of Zen
And the pad was real quiet and peaceful and still-
Then suddenly Bang, it was gangbusterville!

Man, from way out in space came a powerful roar
That was so loud it blasted us right from the floor
I lost all my cool and my console slammed shut!
I was so bugged I dropped my best stereo cut.

Like I couldn’t feature what sounded that way
I forgot my turtleneck, shades and beret
And I ran to the window (my knees were both quakin)
Like I stuck my head out to observe what was shakin.

I looked up in the sky and what scene did I dig
But eight wild baby elks and a chrome-plated rig
A fat little pilot with a Gabby Hayes beard
Wow! Like, man, it was weird!!

His frame was all covered with red and white fur
And I thought that he looked like a swing’n Ben Hur
But the fat man was wailin and I don’t mean maybe,
So I knew in a flash he must be Nicky Baby.

This gig behind schedule, I heard him explain
Then he called all his elks by each of their names-
Go Ringo! Go Tonto! Go Flash and Saber!
Go Batman! Go Bogie! Go Mutt’n Jeff too!
Then down they all pranced-seven tons on the roof
And it looked like a discotheque out on my roof!

Nickey made for the chimney and flashed a big grin
Yelled, “Geronimo baby!” And pow! He fell in
When he jumped from the fireplace in a big cloud of dust
His grab bag was so stuffed I thought it would bust!

Then, man, like I flipped when he opened that sack
And said, “look what I’m fix’n to lay on you, Jack!
He had enough equipment to stock a whole band
A solid gold trumpet and a cool baby grand!

And then Nickey said, “Cook it! Like baby that’s it”
The sun’s coming up and this cat’s got to split.
So he filled up our socks and we thanked him a lot
Then he uttered “Shazam!” And took off like a shot.

He jumped into the fireplace, gave out a loud whistle
And blasted straight up, like a solid-fuel missle
Then he hopped in his buggy and we heard him shout
“Up, up and away” and he really moved out!

As he said into orbit - it was most out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

OK...I like snow OK but ONLY if I don't have to get out into it. Today The Hubby and I started to get up as usual to go workout but of course decided against it when we looked outside. Sleet and ice....I hate that stuff. We (I) ended staying home all day long and The Hubby even called all the employees and told them to STAY HOME! Good call. Of course knowing The Hubby he can't sit for long and so off he slide down the sloped driveway to find snow melt and try his luck on the ice. I have a feeling he will be in the office tomorrow no matter the weather. The really bad thing about all of this is that we are having an all out Christmas party BASH on Saturday night, catered and bartender and all. I HOPE this doesn't stop people from coming and I PRAY for lots of sunshine. PLEASE SUNSHINE. The weather guys this morning said Saturday would be 40 degrees but tonight they said 31....This also means my cleaning lady might not make it to the house so I may have to spend my time sweeping, mopping, dusting etc...That's OK though the house isn't too bad.

What is it with these weather guys. You would think there was a tornado coming or something. They really get off to the weather and interupt the TV shows EVERY commercial break to give and update that it is SNOWING and it is COLD! WE KNOW ALREADY!

Errand Day

Today was errand day. I had to run tons of errands to get ready for the big party. This morning I headed out at 5 am for Jazzercise then after the killing workout I headed home to ready for the day.

9 am: My first stop was a Mary Kay delivery then on to the tag office. I HATE going to the tag office and will drive south of town to go to one in particular because of the nice people and fast service. Fast was an understatement today. I was in and out, with check written, in less than 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I then had a head start on the day so I had time to go to a local garden center that was decked out for the season. A few more decorations to adorn the house and then on to get gas. I then headed for the mall to Coldwater Creek for a party outfit. I was also able to get a Christmas gift for my father as I ran through a store. I'm a fast shopper so I was in and out of the mall in less than 30 minutes and spent $400. I then headed for the stop I intended for the day in the first place. I had to go to the cemetery to see Mom's new marker. It was beautiful. Daddy had called on Thanksgiving from there sobbing that it was beautiful. Wow, I got a lot done and it was only 11 am.

11 am: I flew home to unload my car load of goodies and a quick sandwich before running to the office. On my way to the office I stopped by the New Balance shoe store for new workout shoes. It was a quick stop since I just told the salesman I wanted what I was wearing. In and out of that store in 5 minutes and then a quick run through the Williams Sonoma store. Finally, on to the office to open the mail and answer a few phone calls and pay a couple of bills.

2:30 pm and I hit the grocery store for dinner and stuff for the party, i.e. lemons, limes, Coke, olives...Then home again to drop off another load of stuff and marinate the steaks for dinner.

3:15 pm and I'm running to a strip center that has three stops I need to go to. The first is a stationary like store for Christmas napkins and a couple of stocking stuffers. Then two doors down to an agriculture store for bird food for the canary and parakeet. Then my final destination...yeah...my pedicure. 4:30 pm and I plopped down in the chair and closed my eyes while "S" did her magic.

5:30 pm and I back into the garage and began dinner, actually a quick steamed asparagus and sweet potato in the oven to go with the marinated steaks. Yum. Now here I sit typing away sharing my busy day.

Tree's up!

OK...the tree is up. WHEW...My back is killing me. I would take a picture and post it but I haven't got my new digital camera I have been wanting since this fall but I'm told I will get one for Christmas. My tree is beautiful. I've already pre set up for the food to be delivered. I'm half-way there except for the store, liquor store, etc.....

Oh and an update on the new vehicle...I'm posting a picture of what it would look like WHEN it is fixed up. It's in bad paint shape but I went for a spin and it is kind of fun. The inside is pretty yucky. At least it will give The Hubby something to do again. He's bored.

Decorating Day

Last night I climbed into the attic and retrieved box upon box of Christmas decorations. I love to decorate for Christmas but this time I have a week to get my house totally decked out. The Hubby and I are hosting a huge catered party with "hopefully" close to 100 people. I sent the invites out last week but have not had much of a response but I'm hoping that just means people are coming. People just don't RSVP anymore. Anyway, I'm going to be totally engrossed in the art of adornment today.

Yesterday The Hubby spent his second day in a tree waiting for a poor defenseless deer to walk by and lose its life. The only way I could do that is if I was extremely hungry and lived off the land like my great grandparents. I had never seen a live deer in the wild till I was an adult. I grew up with seeing dead ones hanging in trees gutted. Yeah I know. YUCK! WHOA...I need to get back to where my mind was going. Last night The Hubby received a phone call on his cell phone and I heard old car???? He finished the call and I asked what that was about. He told me he bought a 55 (or 56 or 57) Chrysler Windsor. Uh What! Excuse me. I don't get it. You know if I did something like that I would never hear the end of it. EVER!!!!!! Don't get me wrong I don't mind but what the heck. WHERE IS MY SPORTS CAR, MY CONVERTIBLE, MY FUN CAR!!!!!!! I've been asking for some time for my own fun car. Maybe next year?

Oh well, on to the Christmas tree...Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!!!!

Turkey Day

Whoopee! Turkey Day is almost here. I love this holiday and LOVE to cook turkey. I'm cooking a 21 pound and an 18 pound for about 20 people. I am doing two because there is NEVER enough left over to send in care packages or a yummy turkey sandwich on fresh white bread, Miracle Whip and a few dashes of Tobasco. YUMMY! Can't wait. 'Tis the season to EAT!!!!! Gobble Gobble Gobble

Solitude...well maybe!

I’m sitting here in our wonderful cabin by a roaring fire listening to Christmas music - Vince Guaraldi’s A Charlie Brown Christmas, Peter Mayer’s Stars and Promises, and Chris Botti’s December. I’ve been drinking Swiss Chocolate Almond Coffee, on my couch, in my pajama’s, watching my bird feeder swing back and forth with black capped chickadee’s, purple house finches, and gold finches. I don’t have to do anything until dinner tonight at 6pm for Thanksgiving at the lake.

Finally a day to myself...a weekend to myself. I can’t believe all my planning to no avail and then this weekend just fell into my lap. The Hubby has decided to go deer hunting today and then tonight enjoy a fireworks show and laser light show to celebrate Oklahoma’s Centennial. I’m not particularly fond of fireworks and so here I sit throughly enjoying the peace and quiet.

Last night I watched TV and played solitaire on my laptop (no Internet here) till I nodded off about 9 pm. I padded off to bed leaving the TV on (timer to go off-HELLO, I’m at the lake in the woods by myself) and was asleep very quickly.

I awoke this morning and realized how very quiet it was. I opened my eyes to look at the clock and saw 6:57 am. Wow, I haven’t slept like that in awhile. 4:30 am is my usual wake up for work out. I think I would have stayed in bed if the potty wasn’t beckoning me. I lay there looking out the window at the tops of the bare trees, at the gray sky hoping for sunshine. Fall is here and the trees are naked. A bushy tailed squirrel ran along a branch with a huge acorn in his mouth. Funny little guys that play and chase each other round and round the trees. I rolled out of bed and trudged to the living room to stoke the fire.

What a life. “Living The Life of Reilly,” my mother used to say. No kidding. Who would have thought 31 years ago (Jan 2007) when The Hubby and I married that we would be in this position in our lives. We were young, 19 years old, probably not $500 in the bank, living in an apartment with used broken down furniture that was given to us. The television we watched was a hand-me-down from my grandmother that gave everyone green faces. We budgeted everything and spent Saturday afternoons at the laundrymat doing our laundry together.

We now have our own business, own the building, own 2 homes, raised two beautiful daughters, have tons of friends, and are blissfully happy. What more could a person ask for.

Wow, I’m getting nostalgic. I have to stop that or I’ll want to go home today. I’ve been trying to write a short story or something but just can’t seem to get my mind on writing fiction today.

I’m supposed to be reading a book for book club called The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant but just can’t get there either. I bought a book Thursday called The Wisdom of Menopause, by Christiane Northrup, M.D. and WOW what an eyeopener. I didn’t even make it through the introduction before I was underlining with my pencil. THAT IS WHY I’M FEELING THE WAY I DO SOMETIMES. It’s was like I had written the book or she was reading my thoughts and feelings. She talks about how “for most women, identity and self-esteem are generated by our associations and relationships.” She goes on to say that “men, by contrast, usually get most of their identity and self-esteem from the outer world...” Totally have felt that. One paragraph on page 4 talks about women who are the age and area I am finding themselves either turning to the old ways of nurturing the hubby (like the children), caretaker at the expense of their own needs, pushing the need to pursue their own creative passions. And then she goes on to talk about a husband saying “Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.” WHAT!!!! I have so totally heard those exact words come out of The Hubby’s mouth.

Page 6, and I will quote Dr. Northrup, “The dilemma for me and women everywhere is that we often feel guilty about self-revelation, because by being true to ourselves and our own feelings, we feel that we are betraying others, especially family members.”

That was a powerful statement for because I have very often felt this way, especially lately. Dr. Northrup’s book I think will help me deal with these feelings I am going through right now. My year has been fraught with MAJOR upheavals in my life.

My Time Line:
January-Became Empty Nester
March-Best Friend Died
June-Turned 50 and Dog Died
July-Mother Died

These are major occurrences that by themselves can be handled but I’ve been hit with all at once along with the peri-menopause symptoms on top of them. I guess I can deal with all of this and probably come out on the other side a new and improved Me. What doya say. I say YES!


P.S. Sunday...Well, my peace and solitude was short lived. The Hubby came to the oasis away from home last night after the celebration. He fell asleep on the couch so I still had the king size bed to myself.

Up at 4 am

I was startled awake at 4 am this morning by my cell phone playing its tune in the living room, in my purse. I stumbled to the elusive purse and dug my phone out to see that I missed the call. I knew who it was from though, out 21 year old daughter, #2. I quickly rang #2 back to see what was up. She is in California, on her own (with a roommate), trying to live her dream. She answered and was crying. I didn't panic but was afraid she had been hurt or in a car accident or something bad. She sobbed that she had messed up and was afraid and boy was my mind working overtime. I made my way to a back bathroom to try to calm her down so her father wouldn't wake up but that was not to happen. I heard him coming and told him she was alright even though I wasn't sure yet. I finally got her calmed down and found out she and her roomate had been drinking. She has just finished her internship as an audio engineer and now comes the job of trying to find a job. Her problem is she's not sure about that and since she is woman in male dominated field her road is already proving difficult. She's already dealing with leacherous old men, drugs, and the glass ceiling and is frightened so far away from home and Momma and Daddy. She's also dealing with the death of our friend, our dog and my mother. A lot has happened in our and her life this year and being so far away from makes it harder to deal with. I finally got her calmed down and then had to deal with The Hubby when I padded my way back to bed.

Since it was time to get up and get ready for workout I just went ahead and got ready but I also had to deal with the questions from the Hubby. He couldn't understand her calling in the middle of the night for one thing. I said she was drinking and he immediately thought "drinking", like a problem with alcohol. NO! That's not what I meant. She was drunk. Man he can go off the deep end very quick. I explained she was just having a meltdown triggered but the drinking and just needed to talk to her Momma. I have no problem being Mom and the ear she needs to lean on. Then he went off on he thought she needed to move back home (not our house mind you) and go to the junior college because she'll never get anywhere without a college education..yada,yada,yada. I went off AGAIN! What's the deal with this. We have managed VERY successfully without college educations (I have one now). We have gone down the path of college for her and it is a waste of time and money on both parts. She HATES school. It was all I could do to keep her in high school much less college. I hated getting so angry that early in the morning but he is "One Note Charlie" on this subject.

Beside all of this I'm very worried about my child and her future and her well being and her decisions. I don't need him harranging me about her right now. She will be OK, she just has to tap into what got her to this point in her life right. She has to use her passion and desire and determination to proceed for her dream. We will be behind her up to a point and she knows this. She feels very guilty about still using our money but she has no choice since she is driven. While we are able financially and she is young I am very behind her and I'll fight for her to reach her dreams...to a point.

Another blah day in Tulsy Town

I am again sitting at my desk waiting for 4 o'clock to roll around so I can have an excuse to LEAVE this office. What a blah day with nothing and I mean NOTHING to do all day long. I've been sitting at this closed in, windowless office since 8:30 AM piddling at my desk. I paid a few bills, logged in a few payments after the mailman FINALLY showed up, took a couple of phone calls and just have been sitting here all day long. No wonder my backside is flat and wide. When you do nothing all day long but sit on the damn thing it has nothing to do but go flat and wide.

I have made a decision, of which I really can't put to use till probably January. I am putting my foot down, actually slamming it down with The Hubby. I am going to take a day off every week. I think Wednesdays would be nice. I will sit him down, look lovingly into his baby green's and tell him that for my sanity and my backside I'm taking one day off EACH and EVERY WEEK. There will also be some ground rules. I can do whatever I want to do and he CANNOT call me on my cell phone or anywhere, only in the event of death or someone bleeding somewhere can he interupt my day. That also goes for him NOT showing up at home unannounced. If he knows I'm home he either calls with a serviceman upon the doorstep, or he forgot I need to type something at the office he forgot about or someone needs RIGHT THEN, or he just has to see if I'm doing what I say I'm going to do. Example: "I'm going to stay home and unpack the rest of the moving boxes." An hour into the project he shows up with his exercise bag. I ask, "What are you doing here." He says, "Oh, I was just driving by and stopped by, for lunch. What have you gotten done."!!!!!!!WHAT!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!

I love the guy but we have lived together for almost 31 years and worked in our business together for 27 years. I need a break. Every evening, everyday, every weekend ...I need some space from the intensity of togetherness. I have told him this and I think he gets it sometimes but sometimes he is like a wounded puppy and asks if I don't like to spend time with him. ARGHHHHHHH!!!Come on man, back off some PLEASE.

WHEW, sorry all who have to read about my rants but when I have that much time on my hands I get a little crazy. Wish me luck with "The Talk".....

Boy, Have I Got News

Boy, have I got news. Our 27 year old daughter finally told us a couple of months ago that she is dating a guy that she really likes. This is the FIRST time she has EVER brought a man into our midst since high school. She really likes him, but wait...more news is on the horizon. The girly has sprung on us that he is going to move to our hometown and they are going to buy a house "TOGETHER". I'm sooo very excited for her although I am not a fan of "living together" I support her. I'm kind of an old fashioned girl getting ready to celebrate 31 years of wedded bliss. The Hubby was surprisingly OK with this. I was very shocked by his reaction. I've been on him for years to quit dictating her life and I found him shooting my words back at me. My only concern is that my Daddy will not be very pleased with the situation and especially since I don't think he likes the new guy much. Uh Oh! I did hear through the grapevine though that it probably won't be till next summer and that they might be married by then...WHAT!!!!! This Mom is always the last to know her business.

My New Toy!

The house is full of the wonderful smells of deer and elk jerky. The aroma of spices and smoke permeate the air to the point of making you choke. The Hubby has decided to dig out last years game from the deep freeze so he can fill it up again and since I won't eat the stuff unless it is summer sausage or jerky, well the dehydrator is just a whirring away in the garage.

I usually leave my windows open when I park in the garage but this morning when I jumped in the Tahoe and pulled out of the garage the smell of jerky followed me...ALL DAY LONG! My car may never be the same.

Since jerky is at the fore thought of The Hubby's mind, yesterday he came upon a meat grinder thingy that you attach to a Kitchen Aid Mixer at a garage sale for $5.00. He was very happy with himself. Then he realized he needed the mixer part so he tried to find a used one on EBAY. STOP------I do not want a used mixer. I told him I have ALWAYS wanted a red Kitchen Aid Mixer NEW! I have been using a $5.00 hand helf mixer for over 20 years and was waiting for the perfect kitchen in which to put on and NOW since I have the perfect red kitchen, well, I wasn't going to have a used one. So, today he went shopping and then ended up back home and got online. When I returned home he informed me he bought one online, RED, and was very proud of himself. Me too. I'm excited to start baking again.

Way too soon!

I can't believe it is almost time for Thanksgiving and CHRISTMAS! It is just way too soon for the holidays. I'm not even ready literally and emotionally. It will be a hard time for me because Thanksgiving Day is when Momma first really started going downhill. In fact, she and Daddy left our house right after the turkey dinner and headed home but were soon on their way to the hospital of which she had an upper respiratory thing going on. Now that I look back we knew it was close to the end. Seemed like it was a roller coaster ride after that.

Oh well, I need to make plans for a better year. Yeah, that's the ticket! I'm planning a huge Christmas party at our wonderful new house and look forward to an all out bash! So much to do that my mind won't have time to ponder the sadness, I hope. Wish me well all....toodles.....

A Difficult Day

I have had a difficult day today and actually a difficult week. Last week I had to go and pick out and order the marker for my Momma's grave. YUCK! What a horrible task I have been chosen to do. Today I finally got the check from my grandmothers trust to pay for it and so I thought I would got to Momma's grave. I DON'T LIKE to do that sort of thing but there I was wandering around that stupid cemetery looking for a fairly fresh dug grave. I spent 30 minutes stumbling around the markers trying to find it, even with a stupid map. Finally, I figured the map out and lo and behold there it was. I knew it because she is buried next to her mother and father. Actually, she is next to her beloved father, her best friend. I stood over her very green plot and cried. I HATE doing cemeteries. I can't believe I stood there and did that. (I want to be cremated and scattered please.) I'm having another bad week I guess because Daddy has taken that trip halfway across the US and then the financial stuff, including the stupid marker. I hate it that when something needs to be done I GET TO DO IT! I hate being the responsible one ALL THE TIME!

Then I find out that my Thanksgiving plans for the USUAL festivities at our house may have a big hitch in them. There is a tentative family reunion for The Hubby's side of the family 100 miles away. I have been the Turkey Day Hostess for the past 20 + years and I DON'T want to stop that, especially since both of my kiddos are probably not going to be here and it will be the first holiday since Momma died for my family. I am really perturbed at the whole situation. I need some semblance of normalcy this year since the first part of the year was so f*****ed up. Sorry, I'm really angry about the whole situation and I don't think The Hubby truly understands. I actually kind of snapped at him at dinner and he was taken aback for a minute. I think HE thinks that I should be over all this by now but for goodness sake it was my MOTHER, MY BEST FRIEND, and our sweet PUPPY that have left this earth and I am devastated. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need time to deal with it and heal.

Whew!

Well, my Daddy took his trip. 71 years old and I was on pins and needles the day he decided to drive himself 1,000 miles to see his Sis. As the time for his trip approached I helped him get his financial affairs in order...just in case. You just never know and since it has been so soon after Momma's death I just needed to get it organized for my own peace of mind. Anyway, last Thursday morning he took off. I got a call at about 5:30 pm our time and he had driven 649 miles that day. I couldn't believe it. He said he was so bushed he didn't feel like eating. I panicked a little and told him he HAD to eat. He reassured me that he brought his Ensure's and was OK. The next evening The Hubby and I were at our lake retreat and around 7 pm I suddenly realized I had not heard from ANYBODY whether he had reached his destination yet. I immediately started the phone calling and was on the verge of utter and total panic when I finally got hold of my Sis and she said he was sitting with his sister visiting and reminiscing and totally lost track of time. The first WHEW! I knew he would enjoy his time with his Sis. Now we had to worry again when he would hit the road back home. I got a call Monday evening from my Sis to tell me that Daddy was again on the road. Yesterday my mind was preoccupied with thinking and worrying about him on the road by himself. I just could not take losing my Daddy so soon after Momma. Last night, Halloween, I was relaxing home after work and waited to call him about 6:30, HOORAY! He answered the phone. The second big WHEW! Daddy was Mr. Chatty Cathy about his trip although I could hear the exhaustion in his voice and the sadness. Daddy's sister is older than him, 78 and in terrible health. It had been about 8 years since he had seen her. Her husband is also in horrible health so I think my Daddy realized that it would be the last time he would see them, again reinforcing the fact that Momma was also gone.

It's a total fact that regardless of what we do with diet, exercise, or plastic surgery death is a fact of life. We can try to disguise it but trust me the mirror lies and your mind and eyes lie to you. I look in the mirror every morning after I've done the face painting and think, "Hey, not bad." The fact is the mind sometimes deceives itself. We had family pictures done the other day and I thought I looked pretty good that day, NOT! We got the proofs and amazingly enough I saw fat, wrinkles, skin changes and I HATED it. What has happened to my body and face. I'm not ready to be old yet old is staring me in the face every time I look in a mirror.

Sorry, for being a downer. Just having a bad day I guess.....

Fun Pictures

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

What party are you!

This morning as I was driving to Jazzercise...(5 am) I was listening to the local radio talk show about political parties. They were talking to Lou Dobbs, (anchor and managing editor of CNN's hour-long weeknight program Lou Dobbs Tonight, an editorial columnist, and host of a syndicated radio show,) about a book he had written, War on the Middle Class: How the Government, Big Business, and Special Interest Groups Are Waging War on the American Dream and How to Fight Back . Mr. Dobbs was talking about changing his party affiliation to Independant. This sparked my mind to think about my party affiliation.

Many, many years ago when I registered to vote some 32 years ago I naively went to the tag office with my best friend and began to fill out the form to register. The lady asked me what party and I stood dumbfounded. I really didn't know what party to affiliate myself with. I had never even thought about that. I knew I watched the news and had opinions about Nixon and the Viet Nam War and peace and hunger and so forth but being a Republican or Democrat or even an Independant was not in my vocabulary at that time. I thought about my parents and boldly stated "Republican" since I was sure that was what my parents were. I have been a card carrying Republican for 32 years and about 10 years ago I had a discussion with my parents about an election and was absolutely stunned to find out that my parents were Democrats. Did I really never talk politics with them before. In fact my parents were/are staunch Democrats and then the discussion got very heated. Wow, how did I not know.

The Hubby is also a Republican like myself and that totally happened by accident that we were the same party. He, in fact, is a Straight Ticket Republican which I feel is a waste of a vote. You vote like that then you don't take the time to really get to know the candidates or the issues at hand or platforms. I vote all over the place.

The discussion on the radio this morning made me again think about changing my party affiliation. I am not happy with the Republicans or the Democrats. I am so disatisfied with all the hollering and bickering that goes on between the parties and I think they get nothing done except try to be King of the Mountain. It's very boring all the ads on television and in print and by the time the real elections come around no one really cares anymore, they just want it over.

Maybe I'll just take a little car ride to the county election board and do just that but even then I really don't want to be a party, I just want to vote the way I want to vote without being labeled. We label everything in this country. That's just what we do and it gets us NOWHERE!

Check this out...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 2 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

What a Morning!

What a morning I've had. Actually, my interesting day started yesterday. I had to go to Daddy's and have him sign and have notarized and witnessed, his new trust, will, living will, etc....That done we boogied back to the house to find my Sis pulling up in the driveway (why wasn't she at work). We walked into the house and she said she just got a call from the man who is the trustee of our Granny's trust. He was on his way over to divy out the moola. See, my Granny did not like my dad and so the trust was there to take care of Momma's medical needs if needed. Since she is now gone the trust disolves and is given to my Bro, Sis and I. We had decided to invest the money and save it just in case we needed it for Daddy. Unfortunately, my Sis has become a little greedy. Yes, yes, yes, it is not a lot of money but it is found money and doesn't have to come out of our back pocket to take care of Daddy when/if we need it later. She wants to buy living room furniture and book tickets for Disneyland/world (not sure which). I was apalled but, I know my Sis. Anyway, I think Daddy was persuasive enough to her that she at least put half of it in a CD for a year. YEAH! I was glad for that.

Back to my day. I went to the bank first thing this morning and put mine in CD's, interest bearing accounts for at least 3 years and will just forget about it. I was very proud of myself. While I was there, because we qualify for it, I changed our personal accounts to interest bearing too. I felt very impowered today doing all this business/financial stuff w/o The Hubby. Well, why should I worry he hasn't written a check on the personal account in probably 15 years. He was pretty pleased after I got through to the fog he was dealing with in his brain. He thought I had switched our savings around and this and that and I had to say WHOA! It's ok I just did some good stuff. Wow, he can sure go 0 to 60 pretty quick when it is dealing with money.

Man, I have a headache. Could be the dry air already and dry leaves that have descended upon Oklahoma. I woke up with a headache and it just keeps on pounding away. Have to have a nap today...really...

I Survived

I survived a weekend away. The drive North was three and a half hours of constant chatter by the Mom-in-Law. I love her to death and couldn't have paid for a better M-in-L. The constant talk kept The Hubby awake for the drive. This was a weekend of in-laws. We had very interesting conversations about sex...yes I said sex with my Mom-in-Law. That little chat was quite an eye opener and I learned stuff I didn't really want to know. We also ate tons of food and had a day of shopping along with a very full meal at Cheesecake Factory. The 2 pounds I lost this past month is definitely back on. I also got to cuddle the new great niece...WOW what fun, she is beautiful.

The downside of the weekend was a trip to the Bro-in-Law's church per his request to have all of his family there for a birthday present. WHATEVER!!!! I DID NOT WANT TO GO but I was coerced by the hubby (his bro) to do this favor without making a face or a scene. It was a sleepy time and I HATED it and told The Hubby NEVER AGAIN! After church Bro-in-Law took all of us 9 adults and 2 children out for lunch. The drive there he informed us he had been called to help build 17 churches in his lifetime. WHAT! Now he's getting messages from God telling him stuff...at least that is what he inferred. My mouth fell open and I realized he could see me in the rearview mirror. Quickly I shut my mouth and covered my eyes so the rolling was not obvious. In my head I thought, "OK, he's finally gone off the deep end." Why is it when some people get "old" they seem to think they need to turn to religion and faith to get into heaven. I have been in this family for nearly 31 years and NEVER did he EVER show a sign of having a religious bone in his body. All of a sudden he's totally involved in a church and everything that can entail. I DON'T like religion cramed down my throat. I felt the whole weekend was all about that and I told The Hubby that I would not have any part of that again. I don't mind going to visit but I have to draw the line. I have reached the age in my life that I will not be bullied and pushed around to do things I do not like to do or believe in.

Whew, I feel better. That was a ramble wasn't it.

On the Road Again

Tomorrow I will be traveling North with The Hubby and his mother. Three and a half hours in a car. I really don't like traveling much and I will probably have to sit in the backseat to allow his Momma to sit in the front for the room since I'm short and can handle it. Maybe I'll drive since we will be taking MY car. I can only hope but I doubt it. Oh well, here's to a fun weekend with the inlaws and a first see of our great niece. Later all and can't wait till dinner next week.......

Woo Hoo

Woo Hoo Wild Turkey and Coke....yum...I'm feeling no pain in the middle of the week. I'm a little sad because my baby girl is back in Californina...I was so nervous about her flying and apparently it was a very bad flight to Denver for her. I felt bad she was by herself. I miss my baby. Just wait until your baby moves halfway across the continent. It is so hard to get to a point in parenthood where you family is split apart by miles...not love. I love my girls and my The Hubby. OK... the turkey and coke is affecting me.

The Story so far.....

The cars whizzed past as she walked along the dark busy highway this September morning. It had begun to rain and the dark asphalt road gave way to the release of dirt and automobile oil that was imbedded in its cracks. The moisture and grime from the road pelted her body as cars sped by whipping her wet skirt in the man-made breeze.

It was late summer, but fall was in the air as she clutched her thin cashmere sweater closely around her shoulders to ward off the chill. Trudging slowly along, cars honked a warning at her to keep out of the way, but she walked on shifting her knapsack as if not hearing.

How did she come to be here along this miserable stretch of thoroughfare in the rain? Only a few days earlier 23 year old Deidra Connolly was happy and snug in her own tiny world.


The sound of a drill was echoing in her mind as Deidra was waking up one August morning. Rolling over toward the irritating sound, she realized that her alarm was going off and invading her dreams. Sluggishly, she threw her arm over to hit the alarm. She lay on her back half awake enjoying the sound of a soft gentle rain on the roof not wanting to get out of her soft warm bed. The smell of coffee drifted through the room enticing her stomach to rumble. Finally, yawning and stretching she obeyed the rumblings coming from her empty stomach and padded down the dim hallway into the small kitchen as the automatic coffee maker sputtered out the last dribbling of fresh brewed coffee.

She poured herself a coup of the dark brew and added milk to cool it off and then shuffled to the front door to see if the morning paper was there. Unchaining and then unlocking the deadbolt Deidra cautiously opened the apartment door and looked out as she leaned over to pick up the morning paper. She quickly darted back in and shut the door so as not to be seen in her nightshirt. Her neighbor from across the hall was a burly, but not a bad looking man by the name of Ralph Salt. He caught her once before in her pajamas and felt uncomfortable with the half smile he gave her.

Walking back to the kitchen she passed the living room mirror and vogued flipping her long strawberry blonde hair. Her violet blue eyes were surrounded by yesterday’s mascara rings making her decide that looking in a mirror this early in the morning was not a good idea. Going back to sit at the kitchen table Deidra gazed around the room not believing she was this lucky to have a wonderful place to live and such a fantastic job to help pay for it. It had been a year since the opportunity of a lifetime had fallen into her lap.

She had been a waitress in the 24 hour Brookhouse Café and was getting nowhere since dropping out of college. Being a waitress was the worst job she had ever had and it looked as it would be all she would ever do. Jobs were scarce and she had no prospects for any leads when in walked Jonathan Bragg. He was a tall, slender but muscular man who walked with authority in his step. Deidra was in such awe by his good looks that she dropped a plate of the meatloaf and mashed potato special on the stained linoleum floor.

Jonathan Bragg was a very handsome man with dark hair, highlighted by the sun and light hazel eyes. His tan and chiseled face crinkled as he smiled at Deidra revealing perfect white teeth and two slight dimples punctuating his square jaw line. She knew when their eyes met that he was the one for her.

"Darn, he’s sitting in your station," said Emma, snapping her gum as she brushed by Deidra, her arms laden with plates of the cafe’s specials.

Emma had been at the Brookhouse Café for 20 years and looked like it too. She was 43 years old, never married, but was always looking. Emma had plenty of beaus but none ever stayed long. Her curly bottle-red ponytail bounced as she made her way gracefully around the tables and chairs to deliver the hot plates.

Deidra took a deep breath and started toward the broad shoulders in the booth. She felt like she was moving in slow motion, through a haze of cigarette smoke, the distant clanging of thick glass dinner plates and the hum of low voices as she finally reached her destination.

"Hi", she weakly said as he looked into her violet eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak and out came a loud crash. Deidra jumped as she realized it was thunder. She had drifted off into an early morning daydream of Jonathan, which was her favorite past time lately. She leaned over to pet her cat and constant companion, Mr. Perkins as he rubbed around her ankles purring loudly. She found the scrawny yellow male tabby digging in the garbage cans behind the café a year earlier and rescued him. Mr. Perkins, named for Deidra’s favorite teacher in high school, was all that Deidra had until Jonathan came into her life.

Her father died when she was 13 from a heart attack. He left Deidra and her mother little except for bills and creditors nagging for money. Her mother worked cleaning houses while Deidra made her way through school. Deidra’s mother would not let her get a job except to babysit once in a while because it was so important for her to get good grades and go to college. Her mother worked so hard that the day after Diedra’s high school graduation she didn’t wake up the next morning.

Deidra tried to go to college but with what little money was put away and the few small scholarships she was able to get the money just didn’t last. It was just too hard to go to school and work, so the café was where Deidra landed. She told herself that when she got a little money put away that she could go back but that was two years ago.

Off to Paradise

Well, we (as in The Hubby and I) are taking off early today for that little piece of paradise we call the cabin. He has decided that he has been so stressed with work that he needs a rest. I totally understand but....well, as in previous posts I have been going through some stuff and when I got back from the girls weekend at Paradise...he seemed to think that since I had a great time that all my worries were past me. That I should be over my depression. Happy go lucky...just like he likes me....WHAT!!!!! My mother died as I watched 3 months ago. One of my very best friends died 7 months ago and we lost our little dog 4 months ago. PLUS, our youngest daughter is now living in LA without a job (only an internship) and I'm supposed to be over it.....!!!!!!!! Well, he has another thing coming if he thinks I'm over it. Depression doesn't just go away after a little weekend. Time will heal but I still have my bad days like anyone else who goes through what I have gone through this year.

OK, I've stopped ranting and raving. I'm just going to go to our little bit of paradise and relax and try not to be angry. A glass of wine, a good book, and a beautiful hammock will help. Toodles....

What a day.

Yesterday I finally cleaned out and around my desk area at the office. I had a deadline and a goal. We had a guy here taking pic's for our new company website so I had to clean. It really wasn't bad and I feel better about my office area. Of course the stuff I cleaned out and boxed up went straight home to my home office which I'm still trying to organize from the move. What's a few more boxes to add to the mix.

Today was the picture taking. YUCK. I hate to have my picture taken and here I was sitting at my desk smiling into a camera lense. What's so bad is that tonight we, as a family are having family pic's made at the local park. Talk about stress! My two beautiful grown daughters (the youngest just barely 21) are trying to figure out what to wear and then "The Hubby" gets into the act. We had decided to wear dark blue jeans with black sweaters or shirts and then Mr. Style shoots down our idea and really throws a kink into the plan. If he would just trust me and my stylish daughters we would have it done but oh no he has to stir the pot, especially with the youngest. She's kind of difficult to navigate anyway and now this. I can guarantee it won't be smooth sailing this evening. I keep you posted.

I Like Poetry

Here are two of my poems, one of which was published in 2003. Enjoy...

Hunting Season

Quiet
Crows cawing in the distance
Leaves crisply rustling in the trees
Wind coldly whistling past red ears
Breath hanging in the air from blue lips
A distant gunshot echos
Hunting season is here.

by crh...published 2003 - copyright 2003
________________________________

Boredom

Boredom
What to do
Twiddle my thumbs
Tap my nails on the desk
Hum a few lines of my favorite tune
My mind whirring as many thoughts fly by
Too many thoughts to deal with
Ah, now there is nothing but emptiness
Starring off into space
Complete abandonment of thought
Boredom

by crh - copyright 2003

Refreshed and ready to go.

I am refreshed and ready to go. We just got back from the girls weekend and boy do I feel better. It is so nice to get away from it "ALL" and just be with your girlfriends and vent and paint your nails and talk and dance and vent and eat and laugh and vent and walk and drink and visit and vent..... Yes we did all that and more. It amazes me how we women so need that kind of companionship, at least most women. We need the company of fellow women to renew our spirit and ready us for the rest of the "day" so to speak. I feel rejunvinated and ready to finish out the rest of the year. I just didn't think I could get through another day with the office, the hubby and my life right now. I was so bumbed out but this weekend allowed me to refuel myself.

So the buzz words are: refresh, renew, rejuvinate, and refuel. Yup, that's just what I did this weekend and I hope my girlfriends were also able to find those words in their vocabulary after our excursion. Cheers.....

Mindless Thoughts

Today I'm sitting at my desk having some mindless thoughts. Well, maybe not so mindless. I'm pretty excited about the weekend with "My Girls". We're having a "NO-YES" Weekend. "NO-YES" means: No kids, No hubbies, No pets, No phone calls that can mess up a day, no worries, yes martini's, yes giggling, yes face masks and nail polish, yes late night dancing, yes just girl talk all night long. It is so much fun and reminds me of slumber parties a thousand years ago.

Wow, now all the workers are out working and I'm left alone here again to do nothing till this evening. I will do payroll tonight so I can BE GONE tomorrow....!!!!! My mind is flitting about so fast I can't even take time to write it all down. I'm getting to start planning my BIG Christmas party so I need to call the caterer. My youngest kidlet is coming home from LA on Sunday for 10 days and her father is excited but wary of 10 days with the messiest girl in the whole world. While she is home were are going to Woodward Park for family pic's of which we haven't had done in 10 years. Boy have we changed in that time. I also got to meet the oldest kidlet's new boyfriend and I'm excited for her. She is really giddy about him. It's fun to see that in her. I also need to finish my grocery list for the "NO-YES" weekend. OH...I have to go get a van tag before the end of the month and I HATE to go to the tag office. Oh well, maybe I'll just go Monday and be done with it a little late. Yeah, that's the ticket.

My mind, my mind, my mind. All this confusion in my skull is probably because Mother Nature decided to grace herself upon me this morning. Probably explains the previous blogs of desperation I was having. I'm feeling better now and am planning some things to make myself feel better. I haven't told "The Hubby" yet but I'm cleaning up my desk area and plan by the end of the year to get a whole new desk. I was in school full time while we had a secretary who set up the whole office thing several years ago so it hasn't got the me touch to it. I'm going to do it. Surprise.

OH MY GOODNESS my thoughts are all over the page today. It helps to write this all down though and well it might help if my HORMONES were not flying everywhere today.!!!!!!!.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I feel better...a little crazy but better.

My Daddy and Victoria

Today my sister and I took my Daddy to the mall. My sis needed a new bra so here we go to Victoria's Secret. Boy what a hoot. Daddy standing around the store looking at bras and lace panties was hysterical. Then Dana made her way to a Express to look at pants and I went to Coldwater Creek. He was a trooper and was patient till we went to the gourmet cooking utensil store and found a sampler of Jack Daniel's coffee and Southern Comfort coffee. He's so funny. He's now making sounds about taking a cross country drive to see his half-sister. My Bro and I and are OK with the idea but Sis is having a really hard time dealing with it. I convinced her that he needed to do it to retrace trips he and Mother used to make all the time. He will be OK and honestly I'm ready to stop worrying about stuff.

Tomorrow my oldest daughter, B will be 27 years old. How did I get so old. I can not believe that little peanut I brought home and worried how I could take care of is going to be 27. Time passes so very fast and they grow up so incredibly fast. All the fun play time, not sleeping, giggles, bath times, basketball games, Camp Fire, homework, graduation...it all goes by so fast that you can't believe it has really passed. Happy Birthday B. I hope you have a great weekend at the cabin...Love Moma

I did some yelling.

This morning, rather 3 am I awoke and had to rid myself of 4 pomegranate martinis. When I rolled over, oh my head, oh the pain. My, my, my I musn't do that again, at least for a week or two. Feeling this way really set me up to spill my guts to The Hubby.

I'm here at the office typing up the quotes he said he HAD to have out Monday, of which I wasn't given while I was in the office till 3:45 pm. I took yesterday/Tuesday off since I didn't get to have my couple of days in peace at the cabin. At least I tried to take yesterday off. I had to wait at the house for the Appliance Guy to come replace the beverage center sometime between 1-4 (of which he didn't show) and then the Insurance Guy to bring the new policy by between 11-2. So you see my peace and quiet wasn't going to be found at home either. This doesn't count the phone calls from "The Hubby" during the day. We then got back into the thing about coming back into the office Monday to do that paycheck and I said that why did he call me just to let me know when it could have waited. WHY, WHY, WHY! He kind of shuffled off mumbling.

Back to taking it out on The Hubby. I voiced my anger at not being able to take a couple of days off and of course he turns it back around on me saying he would like to be able to do that too. He said that if he takes off a couple of days it has to be advance planning to line the guys out, etc, etc, etc. WHATEVER! I had to throw back to him his trip to Africa on Safari last year for 2-1/2 F---ing WEEKS! He was saying he was feeling trapped but I had to keep the upper hand. I told him I was in a RUT!!!!! A rut of a windowless office EVERYDAY. Four gray walls (literally) with no people interaction except the phone and the stinky construction guys (employees) I see. I needed a break. He tried to over do me but I wasn't having any of it. (Man my head hurts).

He said he didn't understand my wanting to have a biggy like the Africa trip too but my goodness I certainly didn't get my spa trip for my 50th like he got Africa because of Mom. He said then make it happen, but I can't till at least next spring or summer and I need space NOW!!!

Oh, I know I'm rambling but I've got to win this one for the girls. We have to keep our dominion over men. HAHAHAHAHA. (As I twirl my estrogen mustache).

What Part of "I WANT TO BE ALONE" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!

As in previous posts I have made it known I've been having a hard time with things, so I wanted to get away to the wonderful lake place and just be alone for a few days since the spa thing is on hold. Well, I put my plan in action and it bombed. Saturday afternoon I finally loaded my car and hit the road not to return till Tuesday, today, late. And here I sit back home. Weekends at the cabin are pretty busy visiting so I knew my alone time would have to start late Sunday and then for the next couple of days.

Monday morning I awoke to a crisp morning as I had slept with the windows open. The birds twittered. The drops of leftover rain from the tree leaves hit the tin roof occasionally. I was throughly enjoying the quiet morning. Then all of a sudden more sounds came crashing through the window. The sound of air hammers, saws and workers shouting at each other. I forgot that two of the cabins on our arc of the drive were being remodeled. OH MY GOSH! I could have stayed at the office and listened to that. Oh well, I decided to fix my coffee and sit on the screened porch and make the best of the time I had.

9 am and the phone rang. I shouldn't have answered it. I should have let it just ring on and on and on. It was The Hubby/Boss. He just had to call to tell me about a problem with a payroll check that could have waited till I got back in the office on Wednesday. I told him I would be in on Tuesday to fix it. I was pissed. So I hung up and fumed that he didn't need to call to tell me that but he "just wanted me to know." Yeah right. He just couldn't stand bugging me and making his presence known. So I sit and again try to enjoy a book and my coffee but I'm so mad and my mind couldn't quit thinking I needed to get in the office and fix it. ARGGHHHGHHHHHH!! Why did he do it. Then I couldn't stand all the noise too so I began packing up to leave, very angrily.

I went straight to the office and picked up messages and of course there were two extremely important ones I knew he needed so I called him. He was surprised I was back, Why. I said, "someone intruded on my away time." He said, "I guess it's all my fault." YOU THINK! Man, he doesn't get it. I slammed stuff around all day long and didn't even eat lunch I was so mad. I decided I would catch up and then stay home on Tuesday. I would not answer the phone I would just do what I wanted to do. HAHAHAHAHa. I guess I don't get it.

9 am and the phone rings. I wasn't feeling well this morning anyway because of a UTI so he asked how I was feeling. (OH, I forgot. Since I planned on staying here and not be bothered and I had not told him last night of this plan, well, he had to tell me that the appliance guy would be by, trading out the beverage center that was broken and would here between 11 and 4. Then the insurance guy (one of those weight jerks) called and he will be here between 11 and 1.) OK, now back to 9 am and the phone rings. It was him checking up on me and then he proceeded to ask me to come into the office, he has some stuff that needs to go out. He had them ready yesterday but didn't give them to me. I blew. I said, "I thought since I didn't get my quiet time I would stay home today." Oh, he was sorry, nevermind. I'M PISSED.

You would think I still had little bitty kiddos running around so that my time is not my own but no I have a big kiddo that can't seem to let me have space. What is a girl to do. I've tried. I guess I will have to go ahead and make that spa reservation anyway. It might be in December at this point. I'm going crazy.

My Daddy

My Daddy - isn't he cute! His favorite pastime.

Rock Star

OK. I think they made the right choice of the two that were left. Dilana, if chosen would have totally overshadowed the band with her "her". I REALLY loved her rendition of "Roxanne" on Tuesday night. It was really awesome.

I'm kind of glad Big Bro and Rock Star are over but here I am gearing up with new stuff. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Survivor was really good and I don't care what people say about the "racial stuff." Nobody was screaming last year when there were tribes of old men, young men, old women, young women. I think it will be really interesting "science" experiment to watch.

Well, I think it is just the wine I'm drinking making me ramble like this. I'm bored. Sitting Friday night watching nothing on TV, The Hubby is snoring on the couch, and I'm NOT sitting on my screened in porch at the lake reading and sipping wine. Although the wine is freely flowing here at home.

Hmmmmmmm!

Well, I don't know what to think about my last posting just a few hours ago. I think I'm just having a bad day. I sat in the drive thru at the bank waiting for my depost slip back and I felt tears roll down my face. I must be PMS'ing or something. I can't seem to get out of the doldrums today. The day started off good but somewhere at the lonely office it happened. Could be that I sit in a windowless office, at a very messy desk, waiting for the phone to ring (which it only rang 3 times today), doing nothing! Yes that could be it. I think I need to change my wallpaper on my computer screen because it is of my family, my mother and father and the rest of us last year at their 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration. That could be a big clue to the sadness I am feeling right now in my life. I want to go out to dinner. I want to have people come over to my house and just laugh with me. I want to go somewhere. I want, I want, I want.....I don't know. I just can't do this anymore today. I've got to shake it off.

Time To Myself

I know this sounds weird but I have been trying to get time to myself ever since Momma left us. I just need some space and The Hubby seems to think that this is the time he needs to be close. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!! I work in our business with him, I live with him, we go to the lake place together, we sit at home in the evenings ALONE together. I need space!!!!!!! I never got to go the spa week or two for my big 50 this year and I'm so looking into doing that. I feel like I'm just going to explode if I don't get a break. I'm bored with my life. I'm bored with the marriage...yes I said that. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my Hubby but I need some time to think. I don't want to be like my parents and at the end of Momma's time they ONLY had each other and us kids. I want friends around. I feel like Momma and Daddy were so alone. I know Daddy was and is now. I know it is contradicting to think I need time to myself yet want friends. It's just that I need time to process all that has happened this year and yet I NEED social outlets too. Maybe I need to talk to someone (if you know what I mean). I don't know. I'm just bored. I've hit burnout at the office and don't want to be there or even be around any of it. I can't quit because it is a partnership with The Hubby and it's our livelihood. Maybe I need a side business or project or something....something..............................Can't wait till girls weekend though. That will be nice.

What a Weekend

Labor Day Weekend....Well I definitely took those words to heart and did not labor at all. I sat in my chair on my wonderful screened in porch at the lake and read all weekend long. I started and finished a great book that I highly recommend..."A Year of Pleasures" by Elizabeth Berg. It's a great book club read. I sat in my chair and watched The Hubby get his Hasty Bake all ready for the great CC BBQ Cookoff. There were three areas for him to enter...chicken, beef and pork. He won beef and pork. So now he has three trophies (he won last year). Let me tell you his head is huge. He is SOOOOOO proud of himself. He cooked and cleaned up all of his mess so I had to do nothing ALL weekend. It was wonderful.

I had a dream

OK this is kind of weird but I had a dream Friday night (8/25/06) and this was it. Under the circumstances of my life lately this just gave me chills and I knew immediately what it meant.


I awoke with a start this morning. The sun wasn’t even a thought although there was light, so I knew it was not far from appearing. I lay in bed looking out at the tree limbs watching the shadows of birds hopping from limb to limb. What was it that awoke me with such a jolt. Oh, I remember now.

I had gone to get my hair done. I pulled into a small parking lot with my Tahoe and parked in a fairly empty lot. The guy that was to do my hair was the one I had seen on a television show about his father, grandmother, and their candy store. A blind designer was there to redesign the store. The young man I guess made a mark on my memory because he was a little over the top effeminate. The hair guy told me he couldn’t do my hair right then and that he needed the money. He said he was saving money to have his teeth fixed. He took me in the back of the salon to see how much he had saved and his savings plan.

I followed him to the back of the salon. The place was huge, almost endless in size. There were tons of people milling around and we came to a picnic table. There under the table was some kind of a mouse trap. There was a creature in the tube-like trap and the hair guy picked it up and pulled out the creature which looked a little like a puppy. He put his finger up to its mouth and it bit him. People were standing around him in a circle watching him. He took the puppy creature and started to swing it around by the head trying to break its neck. I couldn’t watch and ran out crying.

I went out through a swinging door to the front and found myself in a restaurant/bar with no apparent walls or windows, completely open to the parking lot. There were many people wandering around in huge crowds. I walked to the parking lot to find my car and leave but I couldn’t find my Tahoe. In a large part of the parking lot was a hot rod car show. I thought maybe my car was towed to make room for the hot rods. I wondered around looking for my car and started to panic. I went back inside to find someone to help. I walked up to a waitress that looked a lot like Regina (a former employee) but she was busy trying to put orders through a kitchen window. All of a sudden there was a commotion and there was a little girl that I guessed could not find her mother or was lost or something. I turned to look at her and she was surrounded by people murmuring. She was sitting in a white wicker chair that dwarfed her. The chair was like the one that I helped Daddy buy for Momma many years ago for Christmas. The little girl had shoulder length curly hair and was holding a doll in her arms. She wasn’t smiling but was looking straight at me with large brown eyes. The crowd surrounded myself and the little girl. They were whispering that her mother had expired, exact word used in the dream. That is when I woke up. My eyes instantly were open wide and I had the realization that the little girl was me and that her expired Momma was my Momma. The little girl was me. I came face to face with the little girl in me that had also lost her Momma.

I Confess

I confess...yes it is true...I'm an addict. My eyes are bloodshot. My hand is numb. My mind is mush. I waste hours, many hours a day dedicated to my addiction. I'm addicted to Club POGO! I have spent the whole day playing POGO. Poppit, Tri-peaks Solitaire, Jungle Gin...you name it I'm addicted. I can't get enough of badges and games. What a waste of a day. I had to sit at the office all day long and wait for the phone NOT to ring so what's a girl to do. Well, of course, play internet games ALL DAY LONG! Man, I've got to get a life.

I wish I were done.

I wish I were done. Done with the monthly drag. Done with cramps (that have reappeared lately.) Done with feeling I'm in that little box, as my husband calls it. I haven't had a period since June and then this morning, !!!SURPRISE!!!, here it appears again. In June, I had not been visited by the demon since December. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!! And to top off the morning, I had a little bit of cramps like I was a teenager, I haven't had them since BK (before kids). The doc said it could be several years till I was through with this nuisance. I can't wait. I'm ready.

I guess I am in my box. I haven't really had a good cry since Momma died but today I felt like I wanted the flood gates to open. Even now as I type (and a few glasses of wine) I want to cry. I even let The Hubby see part of my blog....OH NO... He'll never find it again. I hate these feelings of weirdness and that is exactly how I feel right now WEIRD!!!!!

Did you know that there is a right and wrong way to put the toilet paper roll on. Yes there is according to The Hubby - or at least he used to say that, he doesn't remember making that perfectly clear to a young impressionable 19 year old bride 30 years ago. Ummmm...That's just a wine-induced observation.

On the Road

Today my baby (21 years old) is driving from Phoenix to Los Angeles. Yup, she's on the road. She is finished with her school and is now on to her new life and internship in the LA area. YIKES, it's scary but exciting. I guess I'm living vicariously through my daughter cause in my real world there is no way in Hell I'd have the guts to do what she is doing. She called a little bit ago while driving the U'Haul to talk and keep herself busy. She had a little scare when she was driving by an area where there are thousands of windmills and so of course the wind is beastly. The U'Haul was bouncing about a bit and a semi was next to her so she was a little tense. All of a sudden she heard an extremely loud !POP! and it scared her to death. She turned down the music (of course) and looked in her rear view mirror and feared a flat but realized it was the semi next to her as it veered to the side of the road. That would have terrified me. Her friend from home is already in LA and has already proceeded to get the utilities and of course the cable/internet set up so all she has to do is move in and have Momma pay the rent.....of course. Hopefully, after the 2 month internship they will hire her and she can start paying her own rent.

I MISSED IT

OH My.....I Missed It. I forgot to watch Supernova and see the demise of Zayra...Happy, happy, joy, joy. I was so glad to see her gone, although she did a good job on her original song I could NOT stand to watch her gyrate any more on stage in front of the band and make sexual references like she was a groupy read to do "anything" to be in the band. YUCK!!!!! I knew she had to go sometime and being in the bottom three EVERY week should have been an indication that she should have gone a long time ago.

A Day Off

Finally I was able to take a whole day off...well, at least I tried. The day started with not hearing the alarm at 4:45 am to go workout so I got a little extra sleep. I had planned on not going to work anyway but that idea was thwarted by the insurance man who needed a few checks to start paying for our new Long Term Care Insurance (a must for EVERYONE.) So, that meant I had to go to the office anyway because I keep my checks at the office. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!

I was able to get back to the house around 9:30 am to make some sense of my office/bedroom/craft room/writing room. Ever since we moved into our wonderful house my room has been the last room to get any attention. Last week it became a room I could hardly move around in. The Hubby brought home 4 boxes of books that have been in storage for 10 years. The room was already a mess with piles and piles of junk, now it's worse. I knew the boxes were around somewhere but didn't think I would ever get to unpack them, and unpack I did today. Wow, dusty books, and I'm so sore from lifting and moving. I feel as if I just moved piles of stuff from one corner to another. The room is filled with books, sheet music (daughter's, mother's and mine), keepsake baby clothes, family history with pictures, pictures, pictures, art supplies, and a plethora of just plain old junk that I can't part with. I'm trying to get a handle on it and I will eventually.

I want My Own Middle Age Crazy - I'm Entitled!

I Want My Own Middle Age Crazy – I’m Entitled!

I Want My Own Middle Age Crazy! I’m entitled. It’s just not fair. My husband went to Africa on Safari when he turned 50. He’s purchased countless motorcycles, boats and “Big Boy Toys”. My brother-in-law surprised my sister with his new Harley motorcycle. A friend of mine convinced her husband to sell everything they own and move to a condo on a beach in California, and she even changed her name. You go girl. I Want My Own Middle Age Crazy!

Women and men alike divorce spouses of many years to embark on “finding themselves.” They’re looking for a whole new exciting life. I’m pretty happy with my life of marriage and kids and work. I don’t feel the need to “find myself”, or do I?

My 50th year of life has been traumatic. I/we have become empty nesters. That, in itself can set couples off in different directions of compatibility, but we’ve embraced it. I was ready for the end of chaos, but I was wrong, it just changes to a different kind of chaos when the kids are gone.

The calendar year began with two moves, one to the empty nest stage and then one to a new home that was still in stages of remodeling. Packing, packing, packing, boxes, boxes, boxes, oh my aching back. It was getting to the point that boxes were being stuffed without thought. The hubby was on a rampage to fix the house we were living in to sell. After the #2 kid was transferred halfway across the United States, we made a short move to another bedroom in a smaller bed while we prepared to sell our house. That was fun, not.

The stress and strain were there but we handled it fairly well. A quick trip to visit the #2 kid with the #1 kid in tow was in order, even though I knew the move to the new house was immediate when we returned. The spur of the moment visit was marred with a phone call from the husband. Our best friend of many years died suddenly. Wham! I was hit between the eyes with a reality check on how precarious our lives are. But, I didn’t have time to let that reality soak in much.

Shortly after this tragedy my dear mother started going downhill. Daddy just couldn’t care for her at home anymore. My brother, sister and I were thrust into the difficult web of nursing homes, Medicare, health insurance, skilled nursing care, funeral plans, caskets, cemetery plots, concrete vaults vs steel, broken hips, feeding tubes, living wills, DNR’s, and many middle of the night phone calls. There were lots of tears and talk, hugs and decisions all with the blessings of our father. During all of this stress and tension I turned 50, very quietly. We also lost our four-legged companion of 12 years. How much more can I tolerate, well, a little more is my guess.

Wednesday, July 26 at approximately 2:25 pm I sat at my mother’s bedside and watched as she took her last quiet breaths. My heart was breaking but I was also relieved that she was not struggling anymore.

What a 50th year I’ve had. I wanted a birthday party. I wanted to go to a two week spa. I wanted a sports car. (I did get the house of my dreams…excuse me, “We” did). I wanted a hoopla. I got tears, heartache, and just plain sadness.

This has been my tale to tell of my search for a Middle Age Crazy. I haven’t had time for the expected crazy decisions I “should” be making since I’m now 50. I’m now an official member of AARP and if my dear husband buys himself another “Big Boy Toy”, well, then I’m just going to have to retaliate somehow.

The Old Grind

(My favorite place...
Rattlesnake Hollow)



Today is Tuesday and here I sit at my desk just looking at the piles and piles of work that have accumulated. It is overwhelming. I really don't know where I should start and yet I find the time to write here. I can't seem to get started. It is probably because I have been so out of pocket for so long and being here is out of the ordinary. I have let the filing pile up for 6 months. I need to pay the bills since it is the first of the month but there are so many between the office and personal bills. I really need to be in this office without ANYONE knowing I'm here, including The Hubby. I need to be uninterupted, without any kind of distraction. No phones ringing, no deliveries, no employees walking in the door, no Hubby staring at me. ARGHHHHHHHHHH I think I need alone time. I know. I'm going to the cabin this weekend, but wait, weekends are not all that alone...hahahahaha...PARTY TIME!!!! Yeah, that's fun too. A chilled Cosmopolitan and a good book or neighbors and music for dancing. Hmmmmm not sure which I would like.

Do I sound insensitive about the death of my mother. No not really. I'm more relieved that she is at peace. That my world is not revolving around watching her. My Daddy is doing really good. I'm not sure about my Bro or Sis at this point. I haven't really talked to them in a few days. I needed a break from that intensity too. I'm really ready for my spa week or weeks...sometime soon I hope. I had a massage and facial booked for last Friday but well, funeral and all, that had to be canceled.

I've just got to get my mind wrapped around life again. That may take a little time.

She Sits with the Angels

Just a quick note and picture to say that my sweet Momma is sitting with the angels today. Yesterday she took a soft breath and was gone. I was with her and it was the hardest thing I have ever done or been a part of in my entire life. Momma was 70 years old, very young. The only thing I ask is for those who smoke STOP NOW, for those who are thinking about it DON'T DO IT, and for those who have quit KEEP IT UP. Smoking is what took her life from this earth too early. (Stepping down from the soap box.)

A Little Good News A Little Sad News

A little good news today. My dear friend Gail who left this earth too early in March is a grandma. Her daughter had Abigail Sophia via c-section and is doing very well. Gail was so excited to be a grandma and so this birth is bittersweet. Her husband called and you could almost hear him smiling through the phone line. I will gladly fill in a little when and if little Abigail needs a granny or grandma.

Sad news is that I received a phone call that Momma may not make it through the day. My thoughts all day have been that how ironic it would be for little Abigail to make her appearance on this earth and my Momma to leave us. The day is still young though and I wait for the phone to ring again. Tears of joy and sorrow.....

Addendum

This is an addendum to the previous Weight Issue....I went to my doctor this morning and guess what I have lost 14 pounds since December and my blood pressure was absolutely perfect. See, I'm on the right track contrary to the popular male opinion in my life...There take that.....

Sleeping puppy

Now that's relaxed...

The Ups and Downs

SEPTEMBER: Bought new house
DECEMBER: Start packing
Pack #2 kiddo to move to Phoenix
Start remodel of new house
Ready our house to sell
JANUARY: 3 Move #2 to Phoenix
16 Meet with funeral home to pre-plan for Momma
27 Our house for sale (lot of open houses)
23 Our 30th Anniversary
FEBRUARY: 6 Mom bad spell
12 Sold House (2 ½ weeks)
MARCH: 4 - 8 #1 kiddo and I to Phoenix to see #2 kiddo
4 GAIL passed at Barry’s 50th B’day party
8 Gail’s funeral
10 Moving Day
11 Another 50th B’day party to attend
13 Close on house
21 Mom another bad spell
APRIL: Mom- couple of bad spells, called in Hospice
MAY: 6 Momma and Daddy’s 51st Wedding Anniversary
#2 home for a weekend visit
Mom - lots of bad spells, falling down 3 times

JUNE: 1 Moved Mom into nursing home
2 Leave for St. Louis to celebrate my 50th Birthday
Numerous phone calls from nursing home and hospice
10 Someone else’s 50th Birthday Party
11 "2" Someone else’s 50th Birthday parties
12 Momma fell in the nursing home and broke her hip - up all night on phone
14 Mom’s hip replacement surgery
17 Over Beloved puppy dog of 12 years passed away
18 Father’s Day for my sad Daddy
22 Mom moved to LTAC (Long Term Acute Care facility
29 Officially checked Momma out of 1st nursing home ....for now
JULY: 6 Hospital called about putting in a feeding tube
7 Wait for call from Bro that he and Daddy went to hospital and had meeting with Mr. Xing to see why. Tried eating stimulant and she ate just fine Doc was confused by our not wanting to do it but Mom didn’t want it.
11 (Tuesday 4:30 pm) Hospital called me to say they wanted Momma moved to Skilled Care nursing home possibly by Thursday (July 13)?????!!!
12 Started the phone calls to put in motion the move.
WORK - Got call from the State about employee and child support??? EGADS
13 Started doing the paperwork to put in motion the move to Nursing Home and had it ready for the move on Friday...the hospital decided to wait till Monday???
WORK - Insurance auditor "dropped" in unannounced.
15 Would have been Gail’s 50th Birthday - Had her hubby for dinner
17 Moved Momma to Nursing Home - Skilled Care
18 Daddy had a screaming fit at a poor pregnant rehab nurse

Just Lose Some Weight

This has been the worst past two weeks for me as far as my weight is concerned. Last week The Hubby made those crappy remarks about needing a program. THEN, last week while in our attorneys office while The Hubby and The Lawyer were discussing exercise, diet, and blood pressure, well, dummy me piped in to complain of a blood pressure/stress headache. I was referring to the stress I have been under dealing with my mother. The Lawyer turned to me and said, "Just lose some weight." Then he turned back to The Hubby and continued the conversation. WHAT!!!!!!! I was stunned and hurt, very hurt. I came back with that I work out 5 days a week and eat very well.

TONIGHT - Tonight we had an insurance man over to discuss Long Term Care Insurance (EVERYONE NEEDS TO LOOK INTO NOW). It was a very interesting conversation in which we learned a lot, but then we get to the questions that he needed answered, to figure out the right policy and company for us. Ah Ha here it comes, I have to tell him how much I weigh, IN FRONT OF THE HUBBY. I tell The Hubby to turn his head and I write it on a paper. The Insurance Guy sucks air in through his pursed lips as he heads for the chart of acceptable weights. I knew I was doomed to a long conversation with The Hubby later. I was crushed. We will have to look for a company who can accept my weight. I almost forgot this...he suggested I take some water pills. It SUCKS. As if I don't have enough crap to deal with right now it's my weight and the raised eyebrow from The Hubby, "Mr. I'm in Shape why aren't you."

I wanted to cry and I still might. I'm just whipped right now. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Week in My Life

A week in my life.

Monday - What can I say it started pretty quiet. I was up at the butt crack of dawn...Actually before the butt crack, 5 am to go work out with The Hubby. That is something I didn't want to do. Not the work out, but the work out with The Super Critical Hubby. I thought I did pretty good at 8 miles on the stationary bike but of course he had a witty comeback, "It's a shame to waste 30 minutes on one machine." What! I was not happy. He thinks I should work out more even though I do Jazzercise 5 days a week and I'm adding this to my workout. I just said bye and turned and left. I went home and had a nice hot shower and took my time to put my face on and enjoy back to back episodes of Charmed (my luxury in the morning). Then I was off to the office to sit and type a huge stack of invoices. Actually, Monday was a pretty quiet day. I even enjoyed one of my soaps in the back office before jotting off to the house to cook a dinner of roast. Our oldest daughter came for dinner and it was very nice.

Tuesday - Today was the usual Jazzercise day at 5:45 am then the same old routine. I stopped into the office to sit and wait for my Chiropractors visit. My back is crunchy, my foot is killing me, my neck can't turn to the right...I'm falling apart. Probably stress. When I was through with the doc visit I called an old friend and asked if she wanted to do lunch. She was on and we enjoyed a nice meal and caught up on the gossip. I decided that I didn't want to go to the hospital to see Momma (can take just so much) so I asked T if she wanted to go with me to find some Fiesta ware for my new kitchen. We had a great time and I was able to forget about Momma for awhile. I had a manicure/pedicure appointment for 5pm but got a call at 3:30 from my girl to see if I wanted to move it up to 4....Sure...so I was on my way. Tonight was also my book club get together and I so look forward to then. I wish they were closer than 6 weeks sometimes. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...while sitting for the pedicure my cell phone rang. I should have not answered, but it could have been about Momma and you know what, it was. It was the social services worker at the hospital asking if we had another nursing home picked out for her and could we move her by Thursday. ARGHHHHH!!!! Mind you it was Tuesday, 4:30 pm when she called and they were supposed to give us some lead time to find a skilled care nursing home for Momma. I have a headache. Well, the phone calling was on to my bro and sis and dad about what we wanted to do. This was supposed to be a leisurely ped/mani but it wasn't. I knew what my Wednesday was going to be like. When the time in the chair was over I looked forward to Book Club. In fact, I turned my phone off after I called my friend to ride with. I was off for a nice evening and didn't want anything to spoil what was left of a somewhat nice day.

Wednesday - Riding the bike again, 8.5 miles and this time "The Hubby" had to holler and point across the room to the head workout person(?) , "she needs to be put on a program." OK, daggers came shooting out of my eyes. What a (**&%()_*&amp;amp;amp;&&!!@@><><+)*&^%). OK, no happy time for "The Hubby" this week.........! I knew my day was going to be full of phone calls and it was. I called a couple of nursing homes and of the two the hospital gave me I found one I thought would work. The other one was too far for my Daddy to drive everyday to see Momma. With more phone time with my Bro and Sis and trying to talk to Daddy on his new cell phone I was about done with the phone game. Daddy was at the hospital trying to find out what I knew and decided he couldn't hear me so he said he would drive to the shop. WHAT! I'm afraid for my Daddy to drive to much in areas he is not familar with anymore but after about 45 minutes here he came. He really looked good. The Hubby and I took him to lunch and he scraped his plate of enchiladas clean. Back at work I made MORE phone calls to the nursing home, the hospital, and to the man who administers my grandmothers trust that takes care of my momma. I took a breather to watch my Soap. It was the last time one of the actors would be on since he commited suicide in real life last week. He had been on the show for 20 years and I wanted to catch it. Of course The Hubby called to tell me he thought he found me a desk/table for my office at an antique store and wanted me to look at it. I went over there and loved it. I told the owners I had to call my husband and have him get it for me and left to go to the bank. Going home my cell phone rang and it was "HIM" and he said if I liked it to go get a check and get it. He said it would fit in my Tahoe probably (that meant shoveling stuff around.) Rushing to the office for a check AGAIN the phone was ringing and I should have left it alone. It was the State of Missouri Social Services office. OH MY GOD! What now. Well, one of our employees I had to force to obtain health insurance on his illigetimate child and I did that. Well, the guy said that we were supposed to also be garnishing for child support. WHAT!!!!!! I told him I would have to call him back because (I had to get to the store before it closed) I had to go to a meeting. OH MY GOD! What did I miss up on. I didn't have time to look at the thing and left. Well, of course my stomach was in knots and I didn't want to tell The Hubby that I might have messed up. We had leftovers for dinner and watched a little TV. I was so tired mentally and physically but when my face hit the pillow my mind was wide awake. I was stressed with more junk. Finally, I dosed off about 1:30 AM. ---Oh, almost forgot. I had this insurance audit lady show up at the door unannounced from OK City to revisit something we were supposed to do. She is extremely creepy and weird and thinks I'm her new best friend. YUCK! Could hardly get rid of her the last time she was in. She'll be back.

Thursday - Didn't make it out of bed to workout and got the evil eye from The Hubby. OH RASPBERRIES! I had to get up and get to Daddy's and get Momma's Medicare card, Health Insurance card and SS card. Then it was off to the nursing to fill out the first set of papers to get her in there, that took 2 hours with the help of my bro on the phone. Then I had to go to the funeral home and give them copies of the deeds of the burial plots so we would be ready when needed (something I've been putting off). A quick run through at Arby's and wolf down a sandwich before we had to meet with our attorney to revisit our trusts, living wills, etc. That took awhile and I realized I couldn't make my late afternoon appointment to the Chiropractor. I also called the nice gentleman back from the St. of MO. and handled that little mess up. IT WASN"T my fault, I never got the paperwork for the child support. It was their fault. Huh, imagine. Yet, I will be receiving court orders soon to begin that little process. Sometimes I hate having employees and all that goes with it. Later that evening we had a nice evening of television and I was ready for bed, sleeping.

Friday - Well, didn't make it out of bed AGAIN. Can't keep doing that. Had to get moving and do a few things before the cleaning lady came. Yeah, no payroll today. Got to the office and did some of the usual things, then lunch at our favorite Friday lunch place...Bangkok! Back at the office and I paid the bills and then ran for a baby gift and groceries and meet the drapery lady to do some more measuring. Oh, and I get a call from The Hubby about a phone call from the bank yadda yadda yadda yadda....MONDAY!

I'm ready for this weekend except it will be sad because my dear friend Gail would have been 50 on Saturday. We are entertaining her husband all day and evening to keep his mind from being too sad. It will be a sad and fun weekend and then I will hit the ground running on Monday as I'm booked solid every night with another insurance man, 2 fun Dinners, and a dreaded regular doctors appointment. I did make a massage and facial appointment for the end of the month, I will need it. Sorry for the rambling away but my head stops hurting and my stomach stops churning when I get the stuff out. Enjoy, I think.......