Clouds and Memories

 

Good Sunday morning all.  I have to say this retirement thing is kind of awesome, finally.  We are truly getting into it now, now that Min and Max's lives are settling down.  This morning I actually slept in till 8 am.  That is honestly unheard of for me, usually.  I'm a 5 am kind of gal.  I still try to wake up at 4:30 or 5 but I MAKE myself go back to sleep.  I feel so much better getting more sleep and it's restful sleep.  I'm certainly missing the early morning time at my easel but I will adapt at some point.  We get up and just hang around the house or go out to breakfast and on the weekends he fixes me breakfast.  He even comes home at lunch time while I'm settling in to watch my soaps, AND WATCHES THEM WITH ME!  Oh, he doesn't pay much attention, but he's there with me and asks occasional questions about them.  Funny.  We headed to the cabin on Thursday this week planning on coming back on Saturday 
afternoon to attend an engagement party.  When we did get back we opted to beg off because he has a head cold and Friday night I started a twinge of getting it too. DAMMIT!  I DO NOT need to get sick again.  So far though it's just an annoyance kind of drippy nose, slight scratch of the throat.  Honestly I feel like it's allergies but he definitely has a head cold.  I'm supposed to get my Covid booster tomorrow and flu shot on Tuesday but not sure if I need to reschedule while my body is dealing with this thing.  If I do okay today I will just keep the appointments.  I want to be vaccinated.

The drive Thursday afternoon was beautiful and the skies were full of amazing clouds.  I will surely try to paint some of these.  I just love road photos, especially to paint.  

Recently I have been missing my sister, a lot, and today I'm missing Daddy.  I would go to see him a lot on Sunday mornings and the feeling to drive there overcame me briefly.  Friday I got a message from my niece wanting to know if I could talk.  She had a crochet question.  I said sure and we chatted about her project she was try to do and needed some advice.  I was glad to help.  She also contacted me earlier in the week for the Bathtub Chicken recipe that Momma used to make.  Her mother made it all the time but she could not find the recipe.  I was happy to dig it out for her, the original Momma used to use.  I know for a fact though that Dana reimagined her version so there might not have been an actual copy written down.  When I got off the phone for her I was glad she felt comfortable to reach out to me and sad that she had to.  Then I looked up to the sky and told Dana, "I'm here for her, I'm here for her."  

Gosh, how that hit me, I MISS MY SISTER, my momma and daddy.

Happy Belated

Yesterday would have been Daddy's 86th birthday.  I kind of avoided thinking about it.  My girls went to the graves and put flowers on them.  That is just NOT my thing.  To me they aren't there, they are with me, in my heart.  It's hard to know that my girls went there and cried.  I know they miss their Papa tremendously, I do too and that is their way to grieve.  A LOT has transpired this past year for all of us.  We have lost way too much with him, his buddy Jay, my sweet mother-in-law, Gloria, our pets and now we are facing yet another impending loss.  

Many many years ago The Hubby's oldest brother was married for many years to Elaine, the boys (our nephews) mother.  She was my sister-in-law for a very long time but they parted and created different paths for their lives.  Sadly sweet Elaine, the aunt the girls remember very lovingly has been battling ovarian cancer for several years and heartbreakingly her battle is coming to an end soon.  It's just another huge hit for my girls to their big hearts and for us.  I think I'm staying out of the talks and remembering of those lost right now because I'm in a good place in my head and don't want to open that door again.  I'm trying to heal and grieve in my own way.  

 

Moving On

I am moving on. I won't lie, Monday was tough for me.  Sitting in a room at a huge conference table all alone for about 15 minutes waiting for the closing lady to come in was tough.  Don't get me wrong I was totally on board with our decision, but that doesn't make it any easier.  You see, I am the oldest of we three, and so I am the "SIGNER" of everything.  I signed my mother into a nursing home originally.  I signed for her surgery when Daddy couldn't emotionally, and we know that did not go well.  I signed for her burial, her casket, etc...  I've signed for various medical things for Daddy as has my brother.  I signed for his burial, his casket, etc...  Now I have signed away his home.  It is just part of being a grown-up and taking charge of stuff.  It is a hazard of being the oldest, of being the one in charge.  It is a hazard of just taking care of what must be done.  My brother said he had no regrets and I totally agree, absolutely no regrets.  I do have sadness for the situation but it's not a bad sadness, it is the process.  What was really nice was that the people who bought the house/property is friends with my brother and they sent him a message thanking us for the sale.  They saw on Facebook about our memories, our photos, etcetera  and acknowledge the sadness and wonderful memories we were having.  They sent a photo of the house they plan on building there and have offered to let us come see it when it is done and listen to some of the memories.  I thought that such a wonderful gesture and hope they follow through.  Another family will be making new kinds of memories there and that cannot be bad.  

"Lemons, Onions and Celery - Thanksgiving Day Prep"

9x12 oil on linen

(reference photo)

I've spent a couple of days back in the studio painting finally.  I needed to do a little "art therapy" for my well being.  The reference photo for this painting I took a couple of years ago in preparation for Thanksgiving.  I have always loved it and wanted to paint but just couldn't be inspired nor could I figure out if I could pull it off.  I'm very pleased with it and can't wait to delve into another painting.  I need to get back to my self portraits, but first, I have GOT to reorganize the studio.  I had a light fixture fall in the storage room and there is sheetrock dust everywhere I have to clean up.  I have just walked by and ignored it to the point it is making me a bit crazy.  First up today though is baking day.  I'm doing my fruitcake!  I have to, I just HAVE TO for Christmas memories!  There is so much I really need to do here at home, the office and the studio that I have neglected, and a bit more Daddy financial stuff.  Just a bit overwhelmed with financial/business stuff right now that I DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH!  Oh well, one day at a time, one project at a time.  Moving on.

Our Final Goodbye

Tomorrow I have to do something I am dreading more than you can imagine.  It's also something we all three agree on, we three siblings.  

Tomorrow, since I am executor of Daddy's will, I will put the final signature on the papers to finalize the sale of Daddy's house, our house, our home.  

We've all three stood by each other through thick and thin.  

This doesn't mean that this decision has been easy but it is what had to be done.  Life moves on.  We've shared many memories and our lives in that house, memories to be cherished forever.

Today we met yet again to recreate this photo...

one last time in front of our family home, to say a final goodbye.

This tree that stands out in the front yard, like the house has seen better days.  Bye tree...Bye house...

 It is nearly turkey time and I think I'm prepared or should I say the grocery store deliveries/pickups are done.  The gigantic turkey is chilling in my deep freeze ready to start the big thaw this weekend.  I know it's just for The Hubby and me but I can't resist on cooking a huge one so we can have sandwiches.  We are having one of the girls and her crew, hopefully, but they're vegan, and if the oldest and her family come they're mostly vegetarian.  So MORE for us for sure.  

This past weekend I had Snicklefritz spend the weekend and she was so helpful in getting Christmas out and up all over the house.  We had such a great time.  For a 8 year old she is incredibly helpful with everything around here and we have such a great time.  She has started in person school again and that means that we may not see each other for a long while.  That makes me so very sad but until we get a vaccine it is what it is. 

I hope I'm a fun granny!!!

OH, and one of my Christmas presents arrived.  I purchased this from a fellow artist, Jeff Legg when he posted it on Facebook.  I already own one of his paintings.  This one is a tiny 5x7, my other one is an 11x14.  If you check out his website, I'm LUCKY to even own any of his works because DANG, they are so expensive.  I was just kind of lucky, right place, right time, right price!  So Merry Christmas to me.  Snicklefritz is showing it off for me.  Love this little girl so very much...

And this little girl too.  We've been apart from her for over a month because their little family, unfortunately caught Covid and were pretty sick but are all better now.  This damn virus is so devastating to so many people and their loved ones.  We've been lucky and I'm going to knock on a lot of wood to keep it that way.  They will be sharing the holiday with us and hopefully we all will be together for Christmas, even if we have to open presents outside.

Little Clayton is so patient with these babies.  When Snicklefritz was little he would lay on her blanket with her like he was keeping watch.  Yesterday when Min would sit on her blanket he was right by her side.  She pats and kisses him and he just loves her to death.  It's too bad he's so old now because he is a great kid dog.  When we're at the cabin if he sees children he runs right up to them for love.  Such a special little guy.

I've been painting at the house again because I was trying to (1) be in quarantine for a bit because we were exposed and I was keeping my studio partner safe, (2) it's just not fun at the studio right now by myself.  I'll probably keep supplies at the house for now because with winter coming I won't venture out if the roads are bad.  Even my partner hasn't been in the studio either because of her health (blood clot) and her parents incredible health issues.  Her parents live in Louisiana and she is constantly having to drive there to deal with them.  They unfortunately BOTH have Alzheimer's, as does/did her in-laws.  That disease is just horrible and turns your loved ones into absolute aliens.  They can get violent as did her father and father-in-law and just plain crazy.  The struggles that she has faced trying to get them into facilities has been mind boggling.  I don't think I could have handled it all and she is barely.  Then when they finally found a safe place and the turmoil was settling down a bit her father fell and broke his hip and they had to rush down there for his surgery.  Can you imagine dealing with that during this year of Covid and it being an Alzheimer's patient that can barely remember how to swallow.  Trust me she is GOING to need some therapy after all this.  Hope she can get back to painting that is such good therapy.  

Painted this little jewel on Tuesday and posted it on Facebook.  Woke up Wednesday morning to have someone wanting to buy it.  SOLD!  It will fly off to California next week.  

I almost forgot to update on Daddy's house.  We met on Saturday and had 8 offers on the house and if we didn't have a cut-off there were more that wanted to offer but we did have a deadline.  Several offers wanted to "LIVE" in the house but they were not even close to what we started at and frankly the house was not habitable.  The majority were cash offers!  Amazing in these times.  One of them, the highest was interesting but he wanted inspections, appraisals and we knew that would not fly, it would not pass.  What we chose was a cash offer and they will be tearing down the house.  We knew that was probably going to happen, I knew it 10 years ago.  My grandfather who purchased the house in 1953 and was in real estate would be so happy with what we are doing.  He was a businessman and very wise.  I hope we were channeling him when we made this decision.  That house is 67 years old!  My brother is friends with the couple who are purchasing and they are extremely successful in their business and have loads of money to build a stellar home on the huge lot there.  I mean even if I had wanted to keep the place that is what I would have done too.  I had visions many times of building on the lot, tearing down that house over the years.  So before we close on the house we three are going to meet and have our picture taken one last time in front of the house.  Life goes on, as we must.  

Last week was a busy week.  First of all, I sold a painting!!!

About a month ago one of The Hubby's business colleagues found out I was an artist, he collects art, so he came to the studio to check out some of my paintings.  He had his eye set on one in particular but needed to take a minute to think about it and would be in touch.  My thought was he thought my prices too high and he got his curiosity out of his system just looking.  So I was shocked when a little over a month later, out of the blue he contacted me saying he was ready to buy a painting.  WHAT!!!  He came back to the studio and I was under the belief it was for the painting he originally looked at.  Well, no, because when he walked in he was immediately drawn to this one on the wall.  Gosh, I painted it maybe 2009 or 2010...can't remember.  I've always loved it and others have too but it has remained on the wall.  He bought it.  I was shocked and so glad to see it had a new home.  Absolutely made my day, my week, my month.  

We again headed off to the cabin for some R&R and Friday evening it was planned to have a sandwich dinner at the wigwam by the waterfall.  

The evening air was delightful and we socially distanced ourselves while enjoying the company and dinner.  I so love our home away from home and it re-energizes me every weekend to continue on with the tasks at hand for the coming week.

We finally got Daddy's death certificate (hate that I have to even say that.)  I was very concerned that they (the hospital) might try to slip that he died of Covid because he was moved to the step-down floor, ICU, where Covid patients were.  He DID NOT have Covid, tested negative.  My fears were relieved when it basically said his heart stopped with the secondary of the liver and kidney's shutting down.  With the certificate in hand we were able to file for his life insurance, finish banking stuff and permanently forward his mail to my house.  It's all the little things that need to be done that you don't think of.  I also had to send a copy to his credit card to cancel it but can't call to check on that till the end of this week and I have to call his Medical Alert thing either today or tomorrow to make sure they close that account because it is on my credit card.  Lots and lots of phone calls and little things to do, and I guess that is what an executor does, that's me!  

We're still bagging/boxing up Daddy's stuff.  When I leave I feel so dirty and gritty.  There is so much dust in the air and the kitchen is just greasy.  It's hard to believe that just a few years ago, 2009, we completely cleaned out the house to paint, carpet, CLEAN!  

He was just a modern day "pigpen."  Mother was too when she was alive.  Next week we will have the Salvation Army truck come and haul off as much as they want.  There are still a couple of pieces that we are taking to storage but mostly it's just clothes and kitchen stuff that none of us wants.  Then we will do a few touch up painting spots and put the thing up for sale.  Being on Main Street, not a block and a half off of the Rose District it will be a hot commodity and looking forward to see what happens there. Really anxious to get it all taken care of so we can move forward with our lives, Thanksgiving and Christmas and cute grandbabies.  

Memories

Here we are not even 7 days since Daddy left us and soooooo much has transpired.  We've already been through his house and tossed TONS of junk, broken junk, expired junk...just junk gone.  Everyone I think has picked what they wanted and now we deal with the leftover.  It's sad that's all he left us but when you live to the ripe old age of 85, well, that is it.  There are simple memory things and that we have squirreled away in our minds, stuff is just stuff, we have memories.  Memories of camping at the lake, memories of playing music together and singing, memories of laughter, memories of memories.  Stuff is just stuff.

Funerals in the time of Covid.  So sad you can't hug cousins you haven't seen in over 30 years.  

Wise words spoken for a man he truly admired and loved.

Our fantastic family.  

Daddy - 1935-2020

Daddy

8-4-1935 to 9-21-2020

The siblings...Aunt Sharon on the left and Aunt Jane on the right are in intense battles for their lives right now too.

Will miss his intenseness and passion for family.

His sis, Dee who left us a few years ago.

Oh what a handsome guy.

Now you can be with Momma again.  Give her a hug and a kiss for us.