Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Moving Forward

Lots on my mind lately, weight loss, pain, family, possible surgery, retirement...

Yesterday was my baby's birthday, #36!  Somehow I do NOT feel that old but guess what, I AM!  I am 65 years old now and on MEDICARE!  Who let that time machine continue on and make me old.  In my heart I am still in my 30's at least but my body is certainly betraying me.  Last night I hurt, absolutely hurt.  My leg, not necessarily my hip but my leg hurt.  I think it has to do with the sciatic nerve and because my leg is shorter than the other one the muscles don't work as well and they are atrophying.  I honestly was in tears last night because it hurt all the way down my leg through my knee and just above the ankle, where I broke it at age 11.  Wondering if that nerve is caught there or something.  I finally got up and took a couple of Aleve and was able to dose back off until the alarm went off at 5.  Miserable, absolutely miserable last night and today is a bit rough because it even hurts to walk a bit and I have a lot to do because I'm having company tonight.  I have got to clean my kitchen and make some pie.  ARGHHHHHhh! 
This little recipe I developed after reading a few other recipes.  

(Oh, and the scale has been up because of TOO MUCH birthday celebrations but as of today it is back down to a loss of 16.8 pounds!!!)

Chicken Curry Salad (single serving)
Boneless/skinless Chicken breast
1/2 tsp (or more) Curry powder
1 tsp olive oil
Salt & pepper
Celery stalk, chopped
20 seedless grapes, halved
1 Tbls toasted pecan pieces or halves
1 Tbls mayonnaise
Preheat oven 350°. Rub oil over chicken and season with salt, pepper, and curry powder to taste. Roast 25-30 minutes till meat thermometer registers 165° internal temperature. When done let it set to cool a bit and chop celery and halve grapes. Toast pecans in 350° oven about 3-5 minutes. When chicken cools chop and add to bowl with the rest of the ingredients. Adjust seasonings to taste. Enjoy.

On to other things on my mind and it does relate to my age again.  I've been entering all these art competitions and shows trying to get in and all I'm doing is wasting my time and losing a lot of money because all I am getting in return are RED "X'S".  Turned down over and over again and it starts taking a hold on my mental health.  Then I begin to think I am going to quit this merry-go-round of entering and just give it up.  I watch a lot of artists do it, they paint, get in the shows, ship the paintings off and sometimes attend the shows but honestly, because of how my physical body is working I am not inclined to participate in that stuff anymore.  I really don't want to give up that desire but I am not seeing light at the end of this dark art tunnel.  I have tried and tried to no avail.  Don't you want to be accepted with your peers?  I certainly do, my art peers, but the constant denials are slapping me in the face and I'm too tired and in too much pain to deal with it right now.  Have I waited to late in life?  I'm afraid I have and that is such a sad thought for me.  I look at my art studio, which is a mess right now and don't see a point in continuing it all.  I'm just creating a lot of paintings that are gathering dust because I can't seem to sell much either and since the pandemic shows have stopped, local stuff.  If there are some I am just too sore and exhausted to try to schlep my stuff to the show.  It takes a lot of energy that I just don't have anymore.  I don't trust myself to be able to walk, let alone carry paintings to a show.  It's all I can do to get groceries inside the house.  
Plus we are still working, not me so much, but I am going into the office when needed and the job I do is needed.  I do invoicing, payroll, deposit checks, accounting...I am needed there and we are so close to being able to end it.  I don't have time to have hip surgery yet.  I need my hip done, my knee and I think my shoulder and none of it am I looking forward too, but it all may become a necessity, especially after last nights painfest!  The Hubby has set the end of the year for the closing our business doors, one way or another.  We find a buyer or we just close it down.  Originally it was June 1 of THIS YEAR, but obviously that didn't happen.  

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

36 Years Ago Today

36 years ago today I was in the beginning stages of labor that morning.  It was a Friday morning, and it was also payroll day at the office.  I was, according to the doctor in those early days of predicting birth dates, three weeks late, like my first child six years earlier.  I also had in tow a 6 year old.  So I loaded up The Kid and off we went to the office to work in between contractions.  They were hard contractions and I was able to do my work then head back home and wait.  
Several hours later I called my doctor who told me to go ahead and come in to the hospital.  The Hubby came home and we loaded up taking the 6 year old with us to be with my parents.  My first child the labor was only 6 hours after waiting at home most of the day with minor labor pains when my water broke and then it was INTENSE!  With this pregnancy the labor was much like the first, manageable pains at home but the water still intact.  We got to the hospital and waited and waited but the labor stalled.  It was later in the evening and everyone, including me was tired so my parents took The Kid home and waited for news.  The doctor said I should rest and gave me a sleeping something to rest and told us that the next morning if nothing had happened in the night he would induce.  That scared me but I was too tired and sleepy (sleeping pill) to worry.  The Hubby walked my parents out to their car and I rolled over to nod off when suddenly my water broke.  When my water breaks well, all hell breaks loose.  The labor pains started up fast and hard very quick and we were on.  I can't remember if they went to find The Hubby but when he returned upstairs we pushed a few times and were whisked away to the delivery room.  The doctor who delivered was not the one I had seen in the practice at all but he was the one on call.  I was on the table trying to push but the stupid sleeping pill was too much.  I'm susceptible to meds a bit too much and could not wake up.  They even slapped my face a bit to try to get me to cooperate with the pushing.  Finally, she was born but there was no crying, NOTHING!  We heard the doctor say, "double cord" which meant the cord was wrapped around her neck twice and she was blue, not breathing at all.  For one split second we were elated with our baby girl the next we were terrified because there was not a sound, no breathing.  But the doctor was quick and she was crying in just seconds, loudly.  It was absolute relief to hear that cry.  
The next thing I can remember was being in a recovery room with a nurse nearly on top of my stomach pushing and kneading to get my uterus to contract down and stop bleeding.  The sleeping pill was keeping me pretty much out of it but after a bit I woke up in the darkened recovery room and it was so very quiet, but as my eyes adjusted to the dim light I saw The Hubby sitting in a chair looking down at the bundle in his arms touching her sweet head and kissing her tenderly.  All was good and we had another beautiful little girl.  
My mother came and stayed with us like she had for the first one and it was of great help because I developed a horrible bladder infection that took me down.  I also had a horrible headache and ended up sleeping on the floor, flat to help.  But all in all my down time was short because by that next Friday I was back at the office doing another payroll. My mother stayed at the house while I went in I think.  It's been a few years.  

We have two beautiful daughters and they each have beautiful daughters.  We are very blessed with our girls, all of our girls.  

Happy Birthday my dear I love you forever.

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Weekend Fun and Inspiration

We finally ran off to the cabin for some down time, much needed down time.  I love taking photos while we are driving there but I must contend with a photo through the windshield as he doesn't slow down much for me to capture anything.   
I think I do a pretty good job though, enough that they inspire me to paint.  

I think this photo is my favorite from the drive and yesterday I flew off to the studio to capture it.  I haven't been in the studio for nearly two weeks and it was so time I played in paint.  I really didn't get much done because Linda came in and I haven't talked or seen her for nearly a month.  This studio thing is kind of okay because I have time alone there and she does, BUT, I do miss us chatting. 
Home for lunch I pulled up in our driveway and just had to capture the beauty of our house and the flag for Flag Day!

It is started and trust me it is tiny but if I am to sell some more on the 4th of July weekend at the cabin, well tiny sells quickly.  This one is only a 5x7 and I plan on doing it bigger at some point.  Guess you call this a study as a lot of artists do. 

Diet update...well, the weekend I kind of ATE stuff I shouldn't but that's okay once in awhile.  The scale is up 2...RATS!  It's funny how hard it is to get off but how easy it piles back on and so quickly.  DAMN FAT!

Monday, June 07, 2021

Sunday Fun with the Grands

 Yesterday I was tasked with watching the youngest, Min, while her Momma sang at a thing at the BOK with the Tulsa Symphony and a chorus of music and Winton Marsalis.  It was a great opportunity and ALL of the family went.  I didn't because, 1) I can't walk the distance to the BOK center or the steps up and down or stand for a long time, 2) they also needed to have someone watch the youngest grand, Min, and I am so good with that.  

It's so funny when she walks in the door she immediately starts calling for Snicklefritz.  Maybe she thinks she lives here.  They love to play with each other.  I knew that later they would get their time together.  We had so much fun and I was able to get her down for a nap really easy.  She is so much fun, loving and entertaining.
After the concert the oldest, Snicklefritz came to spend the night.  Both girls together is the best medicine even if you aren't sick.  I love my baby girls.  

We are all truly blessed, especially these two that even though Covid forced them to move here, it was the best thing that could have ever happen for them.  They get to grow up knowing and loving each other. 
Cousins, they absolutely adore each other. 

Saturday, June 05, 2021

Happy Birthday To Me

Continuing on with the weight loss journey I fixed some veggies with andouille sausage and a little Lawrey's Seasoned Pepper. SOOOooo very yummy.  The scale is down 16 pounds now and I can tell you I feel lighter.  Oh, I know there is a long way to go but I'm already feeling the effects of the pounds melting away.  Hey look, I'm not perfect especially when I wanted to celebrate my birthday without being tied to a diet.  The past few days I have enjoyed but not gone overboard.  Wednesday I met my childhood best friend for MEXICAN, my favorite, and I ate chips, queso and had one cheese enchilada and a margarita.  But, I wasn't over stuffed and I was quite satisfied.  I didn't eat the beans or the rice at all.  Then yesterday, MY 65th BIRTHDAY I had a Schlotsky's for lunch.  That was because I HAD to be at work and because of a glitch in my accounting had to be there well through my lunch and was in danger of overeating.  The Hubby picked up a sandwich for me, still no soda/pop and I ate it with gusto and continued on with my work.  Plus, IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!  
For dinner we, my sweet family all went out to dinner to a local restaurant called Roka, an Asian-Fusion restaurant.  I was going to have my usual Pad Thai but opted for coconut shrimp and a cocktail, and for my "birthday cake" I had about 5 bites of their yummy bread pudding.  Honestly I was very content with my food choices and I didn't overeat any of it, left a lot on my plate.  The main thing was enjoying the company of my favorite people in my life.
Getting those warm hugs.  My life is so full it is bursting and I could not be happier.
Happy Birthday to me.  I think 65 is going to be fun.

Wednesday, June 02, 2021

Weight Loss Update

This weight loss journey is working.  I'm AGAIN on the downhill slide with the scale.  I'm back to where I was a couple of years ago before the weight started up again, but this time I am NOT stopping.  For some reason it has been much easier and the food is really satisfying to me this time.  Could be that I'm making it eye appealing too.  I'm continuing the low carb-no carb diet but that doesn't mean I'm not occasionally having a potato or like Sunday evening with our steak half a sweet potato.  The weekend I had a biscuit and about 2 tablespoons of hash browns.  I am not going to deny myself but I am eating in moderation.  One of my issues is portion control and I do LOVE my carb stuff.  I've not had a soda-pop-diet soda since February either and that is a biggie.  99% of the time I only drink water with an glass of red wine in the evenings or on the weekend a gin and tonic.  It's working and that is what counts.  
This one was zucchini, red pepper, asparagus and shrimp with a dash of jalapeno salt and lemon olive oil.
One evening I just was at a loss on what to cook but decided to make an omelet with spinach, cheese and leftover bruschetta.  Oh goodness, so very yummy.
Last night was tilapia with Paul Prudhomme Seafood Magic seasoning and lemon olive oil with a little bit of red pepper and spinach with a splash of balsamic vinegar.  

The scale is 16 pounds down and my goal (hopefully by the end of the year) is a total of 51 pounds.  So far I only have 35 pounds more to go.  Maybe I'll make it by the end of the year.  I think if I continue to eat like this I will.  It's already easier to move my body so I need to add some exercise but honestly just being able to get up off the couch is a big win.  My body had hit a brick wall with the weight gain and I think I was in danger of being completely immobile and I am WAY TOO YOUNG for that.  This Friday I will turn 65 years old.  How in the world is that possible.  Mentally that just doesn't make sense but if I had continued my body was definitely that and that was not good.  I have a lot more to do in my life and I did not want it to be in a wheelchair or bed.