A Legacy Left

Gloria 

September 30, 1927- April 17, 2021

Gloria, Mother, Mother-in-law, MiMi, Greatgrandmother...

One of the most elegant, gracious, passionate women I have ever met.

She loved her boys with such an beautiful intensity.

She was stunningly beautiful and was a presence when she walked into a room.

She dressed so elegantly and flowed into a room that took your breath away.

Gloria my sweet mother-in-law for over 46 years, you will be sorely missed by everyone who were lucky enough to be in your strong orbit of life.  

Quick Update

 Just a quick update to say Gloria, her body and the doctors have made the decision.  She is rapidly declining and just being made comfortable until the end.  

We wait...

Life's Tradegies

"The Path to Peaceful Thoughts"

16x20 oil

First of all, this painting is finished.  I painted it about a year ago and never signed it because it just didn't feel good.  I was not happy with it at all.  It sat on a shelf above my taboret table starring back at me.  Last week I started working on shadows, greens, light and the sky.  I worked and worked on it for a week and finally I thought, this is done.  I signed it and posted it on Facebook on all the art pages.  WOW, WOW, WOW, the response was awesome, especially on the art pages.  I've never had a painting get that many comments, positive comments, and the likes were over the top.  I felt my instincts were right about this one.  

Last week and this week has been so exhausting for The Hubby and his brothers.  Their mom is not much better after her stroke.  She is sort of verbal, you can mostly understand what she is saying, but she's not swallowing like they need her to.  They inserted a feeding tube in her nose but now want to put one directly in her stomach with another surgery.  That is a hard decision for them to make because we know she is hurting, that this is not what she wants her life to be, but she is enough aware that it's hard to just say no.  I watched my mother turn to the doctors, when they asked to put in a feeding tube, and eye to eye said a big, "NO!"  We watched her literally starve to death without food or water but it is what she wanted and it was really just a few days.  She was in such bad shape her body was just done.  I kind of feel Gloria is at that point too.  

The oldest brother is insistent that she not be alone at all so they are taking 5 hour shifts to sit with her day and night.  The sis-in-law, bro-in-law and our girls have also taken a turn.  I know everyone is wondering why I haven't taken a turn.  Frankly, I can't physically.  I can't walk the parking lot, the long halls and I CAN'T jump up quickly if she has an episode that needs to be dealt with.  My hip doesn't cooperate with that.  Also, I can't mentally.  After watching Momma take her last breath while sitting with her and all the times my siblings and I sat with Daddy all the times he has been in the hospital, and with him just passing, I JUST CAN'T MENTALLY DO IT.  I love Gloria, she is my dear mother-in-law, mother...I can't do it.  I'm just now getting my head on straight after Daddy and it's still not right a good part of the time.  I want to help, truly I do but I just can't.  So I help by watching the grands, or having dinner for The Hubby when he needs or get his milk for his breakfast.  I do what I can do behind the scenes.  I CANNOT go through that stuff again...crap, just typing this and I'm breaking down.  It's just all too fresh for me.  The Hubby broke down this afternoon and it was just heartbreaking.  They are all so very tired.  

Another Weight Loss Story: yada, yada, yada...

Good Saturday morning.  Last night the sirens roared but the storms weren't really close enough to us for that, in my opinion.  The threat was south of us but the entire region was put on alert, I understand that.  It was nice to open the window after the rain had stopped blowing in and feel the fresh air and smell the rain for a wonderful nights sleep.  It has been a stressful week with The Hubby spending his days at the hospital with his mother.  She is still there doing some occupational and physical therapy.  They cannot get her blood pressure under control and that is very concerning.  She has a feeding tube in her nose but I think they will be taking that out and putting one in directly to her stomach because she can't swallow yet.  She is communicating which is very encouraging but it is still a very long rocky road that won't get much better.  The boys, her boys, met with the hospital staff on Thursday evening about what is happening and today they go to meet with Montereau, the place where she lives in independent living.  The independent living will be no more so they have to look into assisted living or the nursing home part which is so very sad.  I just hate that for her.  The boys are just exhausted physically and mentally, I've totally been there with Daddy and Momma.  All we can do for them is support, talk, feed them, hug them.

On another note, the dieting thing.  I've been doing the Jorge Cruise 100 thing and so far 9 pounds down since Tuesday.  I already feel so much better and it's been pretty easy.  I have the same thing to eat everyday and that has made my life easy, not to constantly be thinking of food, buying food, planning meals...  I needed it to be very strict to get started.  This next week the evening meals will be changed up so I can include The Hubby in the food but he's just fine with that.  He said he would eat anything I put in front of him.  I can do this!!!

And The Hits Keep Coming

A little background...

This is my sweet cousin HP.  I never knew my cousin as a child except for a photo on Greatgranny's wall.  

We were just never at Greatgranny's at the same time.  So skip ahead several years in our lives and her uncle, my cousin (he's another story) was in the hospital dying and I went to visit.  I walked in the visitor's area and in walked a woman I really didn't know but recognized from the depths of my memories, my cousin HP.  WOW!  We visited and chatted and parted.  Then not too soon after that I was at my very early Jazzercise class sitting on the couch waiting for class to start when in walked my cousin HP!!!  OMG!  Truly a small world.  I never knew my cousin as a child but as an adult we became very close friends and FAMILY!  HP is one of the kindest, generous and most caring people I have ever met in my life.  

Skip ahead to last night.  She called me about 8:30 last night to check up on my mother-in-law.  (HP is a lawyer and has helped with my MIL's estate/financial stuff.)  She then proceeded to inform me that she has bladder cancer, squamous cell carcinoma.  CRAP...DAMN...DAMMIT!!!  She is to have surgery in a few days to remove her bladder and possible chemo.  It doesn't look good.  I am absolutely devastated by this.  I told The Hubby last night I so tired of bad news.

Update(s)

This lady, oh my dear sweet mother-in-law, she has been through it and her life as she knew it will never go back at this point.  She has no function on her left side although The Hubby said her left leg was moving a bit and that might be encouraging.  She hasn't opened her eyes but is responsive and tries to answer questions.  Yesterday they put in a feeding tube and the tech told The Hubby he hated to do that to a 93 year old but she is so much with us.  He told The Hubby to punch him after he was done and that is exactly what he did...of course not hard but it took a bit humor to deal with all that is going on.  The three boys, her boys are splitting their time staying with her.  They don't want her to be alone and I think that is very admirable and loving.  She has always been their rock growing up, there for them through thick and thin and it is appropriate that they are there for her during this time.

This photo was taken last year or so I believe.  This is how I want to remember her as a strong vibrant special woman.  It's hard to believe she was having such a good time with the family she loves so fiercely and the next she was down.  Kept me awake most of the night last night.  Not sure why it's bothering me so but it's probably because we lost Daddy not so very long ago.  

Another update on me and this blasted hip.  I went to yet another hip doctor on Monday and he pretty much told me the same thing, I'm FAT, but, he was much nicer than the last guy.  He said that I needed to lose 20 pounds in the next 2 months and then we will be able to proceed.  The other guy just walked out of the room with no hope at all.  So Monday afternoon I found this diet book that The Hubby and I did a few years ago with success called The 100 by Jorge Cruise.  It counts sugar calories not food calories.  I had forgotten a lot of it but decided to do the menu plan that is pretty restrictive at first to kick the fat body in gear.  I ordered stuff from Fresh Market right then and it was delivered in 2 hours ready to start up yesterday.  The Hubby is on board to eat ANYTHING I put in front of him, will do anything to help me.  I am grateful for this from him.  I know I'm in trouble health wise and it is so needed, not just for my hip.  I even have been getting on my stationary bike and leaning back like a recumbent bike and that seems to work.  I will, I MUST do this in order to get my life back.  I think this at the crisis point in my life and I need to wake up and deal with it and not keep my head in the sand.

 

In A Split Second...

Yesterday The Hubby's side of the family gathered at out house for Easter lunch.  The day was just a beautiful day.  The weather was perfect and our yard a spectacle of spring color.  Our little Min-Min even called my mother-in-law Mimi.  We finished our meal and were all sitting out on the porch when our youngest noticed that Gloria was acting odd, trying to pick up her napkin and having no success.  Af told the bro-in-law who was sitting next to Gloria to check on her.  We all quickly knew absolutely that she was having a stroke, a massive stroke.  The Hubby called 911 and I guess the ambulance was close because they were there in less than a minute and had her loaded and whisked off to the hospital in less than 5 minutes.  OMG, everyone was so scared for her.  Poor little Snicklefritz was terrified but we did a lot of hugging and talking to help her.  It was truly a scary site, especially for the children, my granddaughters and the nephews.  

She had surgery last night to grab the blockage out of her brain because even though it was still the golden hour since the incident she was on a blood thinner, Zarelto, and it doesn't play nice with the blood clot busting medicine.  In fact her blood was so thin that IV's would not stay in.  That's kind of scary.  

We know that her life will not be back to any kind of normal ever again.  She will go to rehab and they boys will have to look into moving her from her apartment to the assisted living part of where she lives, that is a guarantee.  

Please send prayers for her.

 

The Durrells in Corfu

The past few weeks I've been watching a series on Amazon Video called The Durrells in Corfu.  There are four seasons and I absolutely inhaled each and every episode.  One of the most beautifully filmed series I have ever watched and I have to tell you I'm toying with watching it over again.  It was on PBS a few years ago, 2016-19.  The fabulous scenery and the characters were such fun to watch.  Something to take your mind off of life and transport you to another world and time.

I have been so taken with the family stories that I can't stop thinking about it.  It was based loosely on the books by the youngest, Gerry (Gerald) Durrell, as the family moved from England to Corfu in the 1930's.

I've actually purchased the above book and in paperback it's 757 pages.  I plan on reading it this summer and savoring every page.  The second book by Michael Haag is a more accurate accounting of the family and where they came from and where they ended up, more historically correct.  I've already started this one. 

If you truly want to escape and enjoy some beauty check out the series. 

What Makes Me Happy

Good Tuesday Morning.  Ah, spring has sprung in Oklahoma.  The trees are budding, daffodils are blooming, and the sun is boldly shining.  I am truly happy about that.

So with that said, I am painting happy...

Next week I go to another surgeon and we will see where this road takes me.  I'm ready.  I'm just too tired of hurting and not being able to move like I want to anymore.  My journey down this road is just beginning but it will be worth it.

A Couple of Things

This little guy. The weekend we realized that he was doing his weird licking thing and had a bad smell coming from his mouth again.  When he yawned on Sunday I saw that under his tongue was the tumor, back again for round two.  It wasn't as large as the last one that hung out of his mouth but it was definitely back.  Monday morning I called Dr. P and he said bring him in first thing yesterday and they would get it again.  I was scared all weekend thinking that we were just going to hear it was time to let him go but the vet said let's go for it.  So yesterday he got in there and it wasn't near as big but it was affecting two teeth that were loose and falling out and he pulled them along with taking the tumor again.  Dr. P said he is losing more tongue this time too.  I was afraid Clayton wouldn't be able to eat but last night he went in and drank out of his bowl and lapped up some very wet canned food.  That was encouraging.  He was on his pallet on the floor in the living room about 12:30 when I heard him cry.  I jumped up and went in there to check on him, took him outside to potty then put him in bed with us.  That is what he wanted.  He plopped right down and never moved all night long.  Between The Hubby snoring and Clayton snoring, well, sleep was a bit lacking but that's okay, I'll catch up.  At least he's home and we have him for a bit longer.  Dr. P also said that he x-rayed his lungs expecting that the melanoma had spread but they were clear and all the nodules in his neck are too.  That is good.  

I also visited with a friend yesterday talking about all that is going on, especially with me and she proceeded to say I wasn't depressed as much as she was.  She is going through some stuff with family too but she really negated my feelings and that honestly made me very mad.  How dare she say I wasn't depressed.  REALLY!  How does she know what is on my mind that is affecting me in my everyday life.  I know I'm not bad depressed but I am feeling those feelings again and they will get better, I feel that, but don't brush off my feelings like they don't matter.  Good grief.  I've had a rough year, WE'VE all had a rough year compounded with the loss of Daddy, my health (pain), work, and all I'm going through, I have a right to feel what I feel.  Pissed me off.  

Boy, That Was A Rant

Well, the last post was certainly a rant wasn't it.  Honestly, I'm feeling much better just getting that out of my head.  Yesterday I went to my second visit to the podiatrist and I so love this guy.  He verified that my left leg is 3cm shorter than the right leg and actually showed me the x-ray's.  No doctor so far has done that.  He put a lift in my show the last time I was there and this time increased it a bit more.  I now need to find some better shoes that fit higher on my ankle so that I don't turn my ankle.  I HATE shoe shopping and I honestly hate shoes, being barefoot most of my younger days, but that is all a thing of the past.  I can hardly be in the shower barefoot because of the discrepancy in my stance.  It's incredibly hard on my back and my balance is wonky.  He also verified that I indeed need to get my hip replaced sooner than later because it could collapse.  So my main objective this next month is to sign up for Medicare and find another doctor that is willing to do the hip replacement, even though I am scared to death to do it.  I just need to have a better quality of life.  He also said I need to have the knee done too and that my case is a special one because of my right knee and left hip discrepancy.  It may be a bit more and I will probably end up shorter in the long run.  RATS!  The good news is that I'm actually down 2 pounds since the last time I saw him!!!  And my blood pressure is back to normal.  For some reason when I saw him 2 weeks ago it was pretty high and it has not done that in several years.  Kind of scared me a bit.  So, I have got a lot to focus on and get ready to possibly have parts replaced.  

Thanks for reading (listening) my friends as I continue this life journey.  Just being able to dump here helps me carry on with my life in my constant journey to find the happy that sometimes hides from me.  A little bit of spring this week, seeing buds on trees and the trees looking a bit fuzzy with a tad of green is helping.  Although today is yucky, gloomy, extremely windy and has the feel of winter I will ignore that and have my massage today, read a bit and just relax.  I thought about going to the studio but I've been there for several days now and I need to let my project dry a bit.  Definitely a day at home.  

 

I've Lost My Happy

I remember those lazy days of summer as a young teen.  Sometimes I desire to go back to then, before my life took off to the point of where I am now.  I am 64 years old, gray headed, fat, fat beyond fat, and in pain most of the day with my joints.  I miss the days of youth, of being able to get up and down easily, running, of being SKINNY!  I don't feel pretty anymore.  I hate my scraggly gray hair, I hate my fat face, I HATE my fat body.  I want to feel good again.  I think this pandemic has a lot to do with that.  I used to have places to go to fix myself up, put makeup on, fix my hair, but now I throw on frumpy clothes, shoes with lifts (because I am webbly-wobbly) and head out the door to nothing. 

Yesterday I was talking to my youngest and I find that I am in a rut, I'm depressed, I'm sad, I'm unhappy.  She thinks I need to see a therapist again and I may do that.  I've got a lot that has happened this past year what with the death of Daddy and then this damn pandemic.  Plus the looming of retirement that is a blessing yet deep inside I may not be looking forward to it as much as The Hubby is.  

I'm finding that after 45 years of marriage he is IRRITATING me at every turn and I really don't know how that is going to play out when we retire, together!  I'm sure part of this is that I still have the winter doldrums that I usually get every year.  When warmer temperatures come and I can sit in the sun and that will help.  Seems that every few years or so every little habit, every little annoying throat clear or nose blowing that The Hubby does makes me roll my eyes with irritation.  Plus my nearly deaf hubby that only wears his hearing aids for special occasions is fraught with frustration at having to constantly repeat myself at a yelling level.  Don't get me wrong, I love him, will till eternity but sometimes ARGHHHHHH!  

I'm depressed because my body is broken.  I'm depressed because I can't do what I used to do with my body without hurting.  I'm depressed because I can't play with the grandbabies without pain and fear of falling on them or with them in my arms when I try to carry them.  I hurt and I'm fat but I don't know how to remedy that at this point.  I tried to do the Nutrisystem thing last year and it worked briefly, losing 20 pounds but after awhile eating blah food is just boring and I don't want boring.  I've counted calories and that didn't help at all, I just stayed the same weight and I think I even gained a bit more, mostly because, I CAN'T MOVE to work off calories.  

My hip problems are getting worse and I need to lose weight so that my hip does not collapse but when a doctor flat out looks you in the face and says that you are too fat to do surgery your heart gasps, you blink, blink, blink with hurt and don't know how to respond to that.  Hey dumb ass, I KNOW I'M FAT!  I went from working out a few years ago to absolutely nothing now and it is not fun.  I feel like I'm in a loop that I can't get out of and don't know where to turn.  

Now add to all this that I love food, I really enjoy cooking and frankly I'm a very good cook.  But, after 45 years of planning meals, cooking meals, shopping for food, CONSTANTLY I am so over it at this point.  I start in my head probably on Sunday planning the week.  On Monday's and Wednesday's I have to cook an early meal because The Hubby either goes to workout or dancing, and on dancing nights I can't have anything that will cause a gaseous outbreak while dancing.  Then I have to think about what we will do for the weekends (Friday, Saturday nights) because we usually go to the cabin so I have to wagon-ho the food, plus when we do get to socialize again that is a factor because I have to go with the group.  So planning ahead for that means grocery shopping ahead for that in anticipation.  I am constantly ordering groceries to make sure I have what I might need.  It's to the point now that my freezer is stuffed to the very top and my pantry has no more shelves to handle the food.  Sure as I begin to cook something I will find I don't have it so ordering more stuff I don't need is a problem.  To add to this is that if I don't plan well enough and thaw out the chicken, beef, etc., then I won't have anything to cook and I will have to order more fresh food leaving the thing in the freezer that needed to be cooked.  

Honestly I am so over this meal/food planning and if were to leave it up to The Hubby to "fix" dinner we would have BBQ or grocery store sushi, or something always fatty.  Or if he did actually cook, it would be steak and canned okra and tomatoes - blech!  

Food is an addiction, you can't do without.  I know what I must eat and 90% of the time we eat that way.  I mean last night was salmon, asparagus and baked sweet potato and that is how we eat a lot of the time.  Again I'm a good cook but I so tired of constantly having it on my mind.  

Maybe I do need some counseling but mostly, right now, I need a break from my life.  I need a change of venue so to speak.  There is a lot of other "work" related stuff I can't share here to that is making my life absolutely crazy too.  

I'm just need to try and find my happy again

because

I'm

not

happy!

And The Brain Turns

 What a crazy weird week or couple of weeks.  Just been really busy with work, the easel and life in general.  Foot doctor appointment, FINALLY a pedicure, lots of grocery store orders, serious talks about the "BUSINESS,"  thinking, a LOT of thinking.  Plus I can't seem to put myself in the mood to read lately.  You know last year at this time, the beginning of shut down I was reading so much it was just crazy.  Now I can't even read the paper lately.  It's weird how that works in my strange brain.  There is a lot swimming around up in my noggin' with the possible retirement looming, Medicare sign-up next month, applying for more art shows and maybe a studio tour (if I can get my body to cooperate!)  I am dumping here because that helps to get this muck out of my brain to clear it out a bit. 

The Hubby and I have been having a lot of serious discussions about retirement, ending our business and now it's possible it could be another year in the making.  I'm okay with that because I've got my part of my work down to a good place.  If he could just let go a bit of the reins and let it function like it has been lately then he could have some more free time.  I'm not sure he can do that though.  We've got a lot of work going on now and it's hard to just stop that to go to doing NOTHING!  I know he WANTS to retire, to not do anything, not be accountable, not be on call, not be at the beck and call of customers/employees anymore, but how reasonable is that for a workaholic like he is.  So much to think about with this all and in the meantime, me, my hip.  

Last week I met with yet another doctor, but this time a podiatrist, a specialist.  I talked to my regular doctor and since the "hippy" doctor I saw didn't want to replace my hip because I'm too fat, he suggested this specialist to talk about lifts for my shoes.  As it turns out I had already been wearing an insert in the shoe of my left leg that I used to use for my plantar fasciitis a few years ago, and it was helping.  I saw the doctor and I loved him.  He was young, engaged and listened, really LISTENED to my story.  He did measurements and x-ray's and as it turns out my left leg is 3cm (about 1-1/2 inches) shorter than my right leg.  This really affects my hip, hobbling around like I have been doing.  Where this keys into the work thing is that I will eventually have to have my hip replaced, whether I'm fat or not because there is still a risk that the hip can collapse.  If that happens, there will be no other option, and I CAN'T have that happen with work.  I HAVE to be at the office at least every other Friday to do payroll.  So, I'm in a wonky place with work and my health right now.  Think I'll paint...

Fishing Reels and Painting

Time at the easel last week and I really got LOOSE!  It's what I needed to do to get back in the game.  In fact when Linda came in she loved it and said it was going to be a great painting!!!  That meant a lot to me because the week before, after my rant of being rejected by the various organizations over and over she had a bit of critique on my art.  It stung and I will go with a little of what she said but I don't agree on some of it.  I am going to continue painting what I LOVE and to the way I like to paint.  

A bit of interesting stuff came from an email from my aunt.  Her son found online info about our grandfather (her father).  My grandfather had the first  patent for Zebco's standard fishing reel.  Sadly he sold the patent rights to Zebco and a tiny TINY bit of money on the patent.  But, we do have the drawings and this info with Grandpa's name all over the stuff.  It's really very cool.

 

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday I attended a memorial/funeral service.  Daddy's bestie, Jay passed away February 1 but because of Covid they had to wait to schedule his service until February 27.  It was a sweet, short, simple service.  Jay was Navy in his early years so they had the color guard there, two of them.  Since it was in a church there wasn't the full regalia that is sometimes a part but they did walk to the front of the room, saluted and taps played.  That ALWAYS gets me, so tears formed.  Then they took the folded flag off of the mock coffin (he was interred that morning) and unfolded the flag, turning it to the room to show then they slowly folded the flag again, saluted again, then walked the flag to Dino (Jay's son) and handed it to him, saluting again.  It was simple and beautiful and of course, tears.  

This family goes back in my memories to the very beginning.  Momma, Daddy, Jay and Helen always got together to play cards, pinochle.  Dino I think was my brother's age and their daughter was my sister's or younger.  The parents would play cards until very late in the night so they would put down pallets for us to go to sleep then be taken home later.  I can remember making tents with the sheets and one time Dino kissed me, my very first kiss.  Oh gosh, I always had a crush on Dino, think deep down I still do, but really he's more a brother to me.   The very first tattoo I ever saw was on Big Jay's arm.  I was fascinated by it and probably never saw another one until I was well into adulthood.  

Yesterday when I walked in the building the very first person I saw was Dino.  Even though we were masked I recognized him immediately and he said, "Hi Beautiful!"  Oh goodness, I can't lie, my heart fluttered a bit, but really it was love for a good guy, for a good family.  Big Jay had a giant heart to anyone he met always hugging and kissing you on the mouth, even my Daddy every time they parted.  It was so sweet.  Sadly that kissing is probably what took Jay's life because he died from complications of Covid.  I've known several people that have had Covid and survived but he's the first person that I knew who passed away.  Breaks my heart.  

The service went on with a heartfelt message from one of Dino's best friends then a scripture and a slide show.  Goodness, those photos took me back to the young years, the Jay that is so vivid in my memory and his wife Helen.  She was a beauty.  Helen passed away shortly before Momma from COPD, like Momma.  (DAMN smoking!)  There was one photo that showed Daddy, Jay, Dino, my brother, my EX-brother-in-law, and another guy, the bowling team.  Gosh, more tears.  My mask was getting soggy because I didn't have a tissue.  After that I wanted to say goodbye to Dino and waited my turn.  He grabbed me in a bear hug and started sniffling.  I told him to please keep in touch because we are family.  He then did the Big Jay thing and kissed me full on the mouth, of course with masks on...LOL.  

Goodbye Jay

Goodbye Daddy

Goodbye Momma

Goodbye Helen

 

NOT Wordless Wednesday

I finished this painting yesterday.  I had started it on Saturday, actually signed it but I was not happy with it.  I woke up yesterday morning and knew exactly what was wrong.  It was one tone, not enough light or dark.  It was boring so I set up and started working on it again and finally my eyes were happy.  I call it:

"One Wish"

9x12 oil

After I got that finished it was lunch time.  I settled down with lunch, my soaps and hopefully a little nap when The Hubby called to say my car was done!  WHAT!  It wasn't supposed to be done till Wednesday or Thursday.  He was on his way to pick me up to get the car.  Ditch the TV and nap and I was out the door.  Of course on the way there The Hubby threw in, "There are several checks that came in the mail."  Well, CRAP.  So after I got my car I went to the office to do a little work.

Last night we went out to dinner.  He wanted to go to one of our local places, The Bros. Houligan for Tim's T-bone Tuesday.  We like the original location of the two but once we were ordering we were informed they only do the T-bones at the other location.  RATS.  The Hubby had to settle for a ribeye and I had the catfish!!!  During the dinner discussion I told him I was going to the studio today.  I had not been in there for nearly 3 weeks and now that I had a car and my office work was done I WAS GOING TO THE STUDIO!!!  

We have been trying to replace our hot tub for months now but there were none to be had because of Covid.  Finally last week one came in and he set it up to be delivered to arrive TODAY!  Oh my how I miss my hot tub.  He's been getting the electric all ready for days now and getting the old disconnected and ready to be hauled away, it leaks.  Last night when we got home, after dinner, after the dinner talk, he said for me to let him know when they come to deliver the hot tub....wait WHAT!  I reminded him that I was not going to be here I had planned on going to the studio, remember.  Do you need me to stay home, yet again.  OMG, after weeks of snow, ice and no car I needed to get out.  He got huffy and said no, but of course now I feel guilty, just a little bit.  

I'm going to the studio today!!!

The past couple of weeks have also been a hit on my art confidence, yet again.  I keep funding these organizations with entering and keep getting turned down.  There are always a plethora of Red-X's and I am so over it but I am bound and determined to get something green, sometime.  I will keep trying but it really hurts.  On Facebook there are artist after artist that are joyously espousing the good news they got accepted to OPA or IA, they got their notice.  It really makes me want to cry, really does, but again, I will carry on.

 

Sunday Grumbles

 Well, well, well, the great thaw of 2021 has begun.  Today is 2-21-21.  You know March is just around the corner and SPRING!!!!!  OMG, I can't wait.  Also, being March I have to sign up for Medicare.  Not looking forward to delving into all that. 

I've been busy at home painting as you can see and quite successfully too.  THAT feels really good.  Hopefully this next week, wait, maybe the next week I will be back in the studio.  I'm taking my car in for the body work tomorrow and they said it will take 3 days, so I will be without wheels for those 3 days, stuck at home, again like the PAST TWO WEEKS!  Yes I will have The Hubby to take me into the office if needed and in fact I will drive there tomorrow and then we will drop off my car and then back to the office to catch up on over a weeks worth of mail and catch-up stuff.  I'm good with that.  

A little bit of a kerfuffle her this morning.  Actually it started yesterday morning when I asked The Hubby if he wanted me to cook him breakfast.  I do it a lot on Saturday mornings, especially at the cabin but of course we are not at the cabin and may not be for a few weeks.  Because of the big freeze, there is no water there.  Anyway, I offered, but he said no, because he was going to go to the flea market.  Well, okay then, maybe tomorrow (Sunday).  It is Sunday morning and frankly, I DON'T WANT to cook this morning.  I have cooked every single meal lately as I  ALWAYS do and I don't want to cook this morning.  Last night when I was cooking chicken and noodles and he was an arm chair cook telling me to not put too much chicken in like last time, and don't overdo adding the  noodles...blah, blah, blah!  Yup, pissed me off.  AND after dinner he piped off that I made too much chicken noodles.  I can not win here.  I said, "well, because you come home for lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY I have to have something for you to eat.  You constantly text me to ask if there's anything for lunch and here you go, CHICKEN AND NOODLES for lunch!"  DUDE!  Do you not see a pattern here and a frustration. 

GOOD GRIEF!  He is cooking breakfast, or at least trying to cook breakfast.  He has come in here no less than three times to ask questions, "Where's the good butter."  "Where's the hash browns."  "Don't we have biscuits."  It might have been easier if I had just done it myself'!

"After the Floods-Rebirth"

9x12 oil

"Sunday Drive"

12x16  oil

Friday night we also had lots of company. The Grand-girls came, one stayed for the entire weekend.  Oh GOSH, how much I love these babies.  The are my night and day, my all encompassing love.  I fixed 3-way (Mini had marinara and pasta -vegan) and my floors were totally cleaned up by sweet Clayton.  There was a slight accident because we have a toddler wondering around the house but that is to be expected.  She is all over the place and all of a sudden she stopped by the wine bottle area and pulled out two bottles of my red wine out and of course they were heavy.  Both crashed down, one broke all around her bare feet and the scream was terrifying.  I was worried about a large cut or broken toe but it wasn't too bad.  She had a few little surface slices on the bottoms of her feet, not even a tint of blood, thank goodness.  Poor baby, scared her to death and us adults.  It's just the curiosity of a toddler and you have to be on top of them constantly.  The Hubby said we needed to baby proof the house and I agree on the under cabinet stuff but I'm not going to completely put everything up.  They never learn to respect any house they are in if you do not teach them the limits of what not to touch.  I never childproofed after Snicklefritz or even my own girls (except for CHEMICALS!)  Anyway she is fine and full on spaghetti here and we had the most wonderful time.  Snicklefritz is a great, big cousin, carting Mini around and playing with her.  I know she wanted to have just me for the weekend, you can sometimes see the green-eyed monster briefly but in reality she LOVES her cousin and an evening of fun for all is perfect.  

Fire and Ice

Of course I'm still not budging out of the house with all this snow and ice underneath but The Hubby can't sit home.  He went into the office and we have two guys working.  These photos are from across the street from our business where Marshall Brewing and Tap Room is, and next door (buildings are  attached) is a little office supply.  This little old man we have watched through our windows for several years has this business.  He pulls up in front nearly everyday and goes in and you can see shelf after shelf of old office supplies.  He doesn't have a store front but delivers I guess to old customers.  Well what he told one of the owners of Marshall's yesterday is that he had some frozen pipes and he set up some space heaters and would be back and forth during the day to check on them.  I guess he didn't make it back in time and the whole place went up in smoke.

Nearly all day long multiple fire trucks and fire-people worked and worked in the frigid conditions to contain the fire and NOT let it spread to Marshall's.

It was quite the scene and at times on our cameras all you saw was smoke.  Eventually the roof collapsed.  You can't help but feel sorry for the little old guy and his tiny business that is literally toast.  I so hope he has insurance.  I know Marshall's does and so far all they have is water and smoke damage.  I'm sure the insurance companies will play the game and he will be subrogated in this incident.  Just tragic, BUT no one was hurt.

Now on our side of the street, let's just say FROZEN is more a reality.

Snow was piled up in the front of the building and it literally froze the front door.  I'm certainly glad I am NOT in there because we would not be able to keep the stone building warm enough for me.  The Hubby said this photo was Monday, that yesterday it was even more frozen!

Luckily I have absolutely no reason to venture into the office until next week sometime.  I WAS going to take my car in on Monday to the body shop to get the hit and run thing fixed but as I've stated, not driving.  Hopefully Monday I will be able to get it in and then will be without a car for 3 days.  Next week should be okay and The Hubby can drive me around if needed.  

Snow World

I just wanted to bring you a piece of NO SNOW!  I took this photo from our car with my phone last spring or summer on our way to the cabin.  I want, NEED that kind of weather to come SOON!  Right now we are literally knee deep in snow as is a good part of the country.  Oh goodness, it so cold out there, pretty, but cold.  Of course The Hubby won't stay home and I don't see any of the employees trying to go into work at this point, but he CAN'T SIT HOME another day without going in to "WORK!"  Again, I don't see how he is going to navigate retirement if he can't just stay home during a bad snowstorm.  

Our poor little Clayton this morning went out his doggy door this morning but because it is so very cold and slippery by his door he could not get back inside, kept falling back.  The Hubby said he finally just sat down in the snow.  The Hubby got down on his knees and opened the door, reaching outside and grabbing poor Clayton.  It was just too cold and he would have been dead pretty quick just sitting there with the wind chill -22 or something like that.  SCARY!  I told The Hubby to turn it off, that I would keep an eye out on Clayton and let him out the sliding door.  It is too cold for this little guy especially with his arthritis issues.  I would have been very afraid if he had gone out at night or while we weren't home, we would have found him dead by his door.  Oh makes my heart hurt for our little guy.  Watch out for your pets, no animal or person should be out in this stuff.

Ice, Ice Baby

Ice, Ice Baby...in more ways than one.

I believe I've actually used that title before.  Our weather this past week was an absolute ice rink out there.  Yesterday I was extremely apprehensive about driving but I HAD TO!  The day before, Thursday, The Hubby took me to the office to do payroll and just trying to get in the door was nerve-wracking.  Absolute ICE out there and I do not need to break my hip or knee or any other bone in my body.  We then took a drive to south Tulsa to check out where I had to drive to yesterday.  You see, my guy was having a bit of minor surgery and there was no canceling it, absolutely NO CANCELING it, in his mind.  At first he was going to have me drive his very large truck, Dodge Ram pickup but after driving to the place I realized that the main roads were just fine.  It was the side roads that were hell.  Once home I decided I could drive my car and that is what we did.  

Do you see The Hubby's eyes in the photo, how droopy his eyelids are.  Since Thanksgiving for some reason they started getting worse to the point that the girls were concerned as I was.  The eyelids were swollen and puffy and when he looked at you it almost looked like he was cross-eyed trying to look under the droop.  Trust me that photo was a good look.  They got worse and worse to the point I didn't see how he could maneuver through the day.  He went to his eye doctor, nothing wrong.  He went to the dermatologist, nothing, except that his skin was irritated and she gave him some cream, but he couldn't use on his eyes.  I suspect that since he quit using Dove Soap all over his body, face too and started using Dial anti-bacterial soap that he had irritated his skin which enhanced the puffiness and redness.  So, yesterday he had an eyelid lift, all covered on his Medicare, BECAUSE he couldn't see!  There is a lot of icing going on outside and inside this house this weekend.  He's really not in too much pain, thank goodness and is doing what he was told to do.  They are bruised and a different kind of puffy.  I'm feeding and getting him to TAKE IT EASY, which is not something he does well. In fact, he got so bored last night he started cleaning out the front hall closet.  GOOD GRIEF!  Retirement is going to drive him crazy.  

Plus with all this ice outside and having it clear up enough to drive we will have a snowstorm starting tomorrow and then again on Wednesday.  I really, REALLY hate winter and hope I can stay busy enough to welcome spring soon, very soon.  Here's to being cooped up in the house with a workaholic husband!