The Tears Continue

And the tears continue in our lives.  The Labor Day weekend in September 2009 we went to our friends cabin to pick up our new family member, Clayton Harris.  He was sitting in their front window watching us.  He belonged to a friend but she was in a place in her life that wasn't good for little Clayton and she knew we just loved the little guy.  

So that Sunday afternoon we expanded our little family.  It had been about 3 years since we had lost our beloved Ebby to cancer and we had vowed to not get another dog, but, we so loved this little guy.

We had prepared the week before putting in a new automatic doggy door so he could go out on his own and then, that weekend, we were ready to bring him home.

Once home I quickly thought we might have made a mistake.  He zipped and zagged all over the house, constantly and these were the best pictures I could get.  I was worried.

Then that face settled down and we got the love from the little guy.

He quickly settled and became a very important part of our lives.  He absolutely LOVED the grands.  When Snicklefritz would be on her pallet as an infant he would lay right next to her like he was protecting.  He was very tolerant and loving and still sat next to her and Min too.

Oh how he loved, LOVED this guy.  

Absolute adoration.

And such a happy boy.

Then came his trials and tribulations with his health.

First came the connective tissue tumors on his hip.  We had them removed and seemed to be successful, until...

they started in on his front leg.  Three surgeries to the final one where he lost his leg.  Then a massive infection in the surgery area and more surgery to clean that out and weeks of daily visits to fight the infection.  This guy just kept on ticking, not letting it take him down.  He mastered walking, running and getting through his doggy door.  Still he was happy to see us, to get treats and eat.  

Then a few months ago we noticed a growth coming out of his mouth, his tongue sticking out on the other side, and a stink.  I took him to the vet where Dr. P said it was melanoma and had to come out immediately.  He was whisked to surgery that moment and the recovery was guarded.  Dr. P was very concerned that he would not be able to use his tongue anymore.  Those fears were never realized because by the next day he was lapping water and eating like nothing happened.  

About 5 weeks later we noticed another lump and he was making a mess with his food bowl, that was a sign of the tumor returning.  Back to the vet and he said he would snip it out that day.  That time wasn't quite as bad a recovery and he was ready to eat that evening a little.  Then just less than a month later and it was back again, and with a vengeance.  It was huge and infected and I think possibly gangrenous.  Dr. P said the only thing he could do was amputate his tongue!  We said NO and took the other option, to put an end to his suffering.

Just three days after we laid The Hubby's mother to rest he had to take Clayton in and say goodbye.  Our hearts are just broken.  I miss this face.  I miss petting and kissing him.  I miss him laying and sleeping next to me.  I miss our sweet Clayton.

I'm so over the loss of our loved ones, human and furry.  My heart can't take much more of this, I'm done.  

A Couple of Things

This little guy. The weekend we realized that he was doing his weird licking thing and had a bad smell coming from his mouth again.  When he yawned on Sunday I saw that under his tongue was the tumor, back again for round two.  It wasn't as large as the last one that hung out of his mouth but it was definitely back.  Monday morning I called Dr. P and he said bring him in first thing yesterday and they would get it again.  I was scared all weekend thinking that we were just going to hear it was time to let him go but the vet said let's go for it.  So yesterday he got in there and it wasn't near as big but it was affecting two teeth that were loose and falling out and he pulled them along with taking the tumor again.  Dr. P said he is losing more tongue this time too.  I was afraid Clayton wouldn't be able to eat but last night he went in and drank out of his bowl and lapped up some very wet canned food.  That was encouraging.  He was on his pallet on the floor in the living room about 12:30 when I heard him cry.  I jumped up and went in there to check on him, took him outside to potty then put him in bed with us.  That is what he wanted.  He plopped right down and never moved all night long.  Between The Hubby snoring and Clayton snoring, well, sleep was a bit lacking but that's okay, I'll catch up.  At least he's home and we have him for a bit longer.  Dr. P also said that he x-rayed his lungs expecting that the melanoma had spread but they were clear and all the nodules in his neck are too.  That is good.  

I also visited with a friend yesterday talking about all that is going on, especially with me and she proceeded to say I wasn't depressed as much as she was.  She is going through some stuff with family too but she really negated my feelings and that honestly made me very mad.  How dare she say I wasn't depressed.  REALLY!  How does she know what is on my mind that is affecting me in my everyday life.  I know I'm not bad depressed but I am feeling those feelings again and they will get better, I feel that, but don't brush off my feelings like they don't matter.  Good grief.  I've had a rough year, WE'VE all had a rough year compounded with the loss of Daddy, my health (pain), work, and all I'm going through, I have a right to feel what I feel.  Pissed me off.  

Clayton Update and NY's Resolutions?

Life with this poor guy is getting better, thank goodness.  I was able to send a video of him to our vet yesterday and this morning will go in and pick up some more meds for him and see what the vet thought.  I don't know if there is anything we can do or do I need to bring him in for an exam, or maybe some laser treatment.  I'm very afraid he has another kind of cancer possibly in his neck/throat area.  Why I question this is that our whining-barking dog has ceased whining or barking.  He occasionally does it but before these recent episodes it was constant, bark to get up on the couch, bark to get down, bark to go outside, bark to go inside, bark to beg for food...now, crickets mostly.  I do know the area where he is most in pain when it happens is the neck-shoulder area.  Poor guy.  Of course when he's good and better he's real good.  Sunday evening it was steak night and he was begging for a bite and barking for his after dinner treat, running, yes RUNNING to the laundry room where treats are.  It's like nothing is wrong with him all of a sudden.  Yesterday I was giving him his pill in cheese and I thought he was awake but clearly he wasn't all the way awake and he snapped, HARD on my thumb.  Then he yelped and had a spasm.  It's all very confounding what is going on with him, hence the video to the vet.  I need more video.

Yesterday I finally went back to working out.  We (Af and myself) tried it in November with her trainer but that was short as the trainer was possibly exposed to Covid so we all went into quarantine until negative tests were had.  Now the new year has begun and it's back to what I know I must do.  My body is KILLING me and I have a doctors appointment at the end of the month!  It is painful and because I have the issues with my knees, hips and being so overweight, it will be a long process.  I have to push through.  I also decided to give the damn NOOM app another try.  Last time I paid for it and good grief the text messages and emails NAGGING me set my teeth on edge.  I have enough of that with The Hubby and my own conscience going on.  This time I'm just using the free version to log my food, watch what goes in my mouth and My Fitness Pal with the trainer.  I know I can do this.  Yesterday when we were done with workout I went home to have lunch because I KNOW that fast food is a weakness for me and I'm trying to avoid.  During workout I remembered I had a frozen pack of quinoa with chopped veggies in the freezer.  I decided to over-easy a couple of eggs and top the quinoa and let the ooey-gooey drizzle over the quinoa.  OMG, so very yummy and satisfying.  I will do it again today and tonight will be salmon and chard for dinner.  Last night was roasted chicken breasts and broccoli with a 1/2 cup of dressing.  It's going to have to be a meal at a time.  Tomorrow night I will have pot roast, onions, carrots and maybe a small potato.  

It's all about planning the stuff.  Typically on Thursday nights we have some sort of takeout, high end food.  We might do Saffron, Mediterranean Cuisine.  They have a chicken dish with a saffron rice that I cannot get enough of.  Of course I will then have to think of Friday and Saturday night.  OMG, meal planning is getting old but I've done it for a few years now, nearly 45 for that matter.