Life's Tradegies

"The Path to Peaceful Thoughts"

16x20 oil

First of all, this painting is finished.  I painted it about a year ago and never signed it because it just didn't feel good.  I was not happy with it at all.  It sat on a shelf above my taboret table starring back at me.  Last week I started working on shadows, greens, light and the sky.  I worked and worked on it for a week and finally I thought, this is done.  I signed it and posted it on Facebook on all the art pages.  WOW, WOW, WOW, the response was awesome, especially on the art pages.  I've never had a painting get that many comments, positive comments, and the likes were over the top.  I felt my instincts were right about this one.  

Last week and this week has been so exhausting for The Hubby and his brothers.  Their mom is not much better after her stroke.  She is sort of verbal, you can mostly understand what she is saying, but she's not swallowing like they need her to.  They inserted a feeding tube in her nose but now want to put one directly in her stomach with another surgery.  That is a hard decision for them to make because we know she is hurting, that this is not what she wants her life to be, but she is enough aware that it's hard to just say no.  I watched my mother turn to the doctors, when they asked to put in a feeding tube, and eye to eye said a big, "NO!"  We watched her literally starve to death without food or water but it is what she wanted and it was really just a few days.  She was in such bad shape her body was just done.  I kind of feel Gloria is at that point too.  

The oldest brother is insistent that she not be alone at all so they are taking 5 hour shifts to sit with her day and night.  The sis-in-law, bro-in-law and our girls have also taken a turn.  I know everyone is wondering why I haven't taken a turn.  Frankly, I can't physically.  I can't walk the parking lot, the long halls and I CAN'T jump up quickly if she has an episode that needs to be dealt with.  My hip doesn't cooperate with that.  Also, I can't mentally.  After watching Momma take her last breath while sitting with her and all the times my siblings and I sat with Daddy all the times he has been in the hospital, and with him just passing, I JUST CAN'T MENTALLY DO IT.  I love Gloria, she is my dear mother-in-law, mother...I can't do it.  I'm just now getting my head on straight after Daddy and it's still not right a good part of the time.  I want to help, truly I do but I just can't.  So I help by watching the grands, or having dinner for The Hubby when he needs or get his milk for his breakfast.  I do what I can do behind the scenes.  I CANNOT go through that stuff again...crap, just typing this and I'm breaking down.  It's just all too fresh for me.  The Hubby broke down this afternoon and it was just heartbreaking.  They are all so very tired.  

Update(s)

This lady, oh my dear sweet mother-in-law, she has been through it and her life as she knew it will never go back at this point.  She has no function on her left side although The Hubby said her left leg was moving a bit and that might be encouraging.  She hasn't opened her eyes but is responsive and tries to answer questions.  Yesterday they put in a feeding tube and the tech told The Hubby he hated to do that to a 93 year old but she is so much with us.  He told The Hubby to punch him after he was done and that is exactly what he did...of course not hard but it took a bit humor to deal with all that is going on.  The three boys, her boys are splitting their time staying with her.  They don't want her to be alone and I think that is very admirable and loving.  She has always been their rock growing up, there for them through thick and thin and it is appropriate that they are there for her during this time.

This photo was taken last year or so I believe.  This is how I want to remember her as a strong vibrant special woman.  It's hard to believe she was having such a good time with the family she loves so fiercely and the next she was down.  Kept me awake most of the night last night.  Not sure why it's bothering me so but it's probably because we lost Daddy not so very long ago.  

Another update on me and this blasted hip.  I went to yet another hip doctor on Monday and he pretty much told me the same thing, I'm FAT, but, he was much nicer than the last guy.  He said that I needed to lose 20 pounds in the next 2 months and then we will be able to proceed.  The other guy just walked out of the room with no hope at all.  So Monday afternoon I found this diet book that The Hubby and I did a few years ago with success called The 100 by Jorge Cruise.  It counts sugar calories not food calories.  I had forgotten a lot of it but decided to do the menu plan that is pretty restrictive at first to kick the fat body in gear.  I ordered stuff from Fresh Market right then and it was delivered in 2 hours ready to start up yesterday.  The Hubby is on board to eat ANYTHING I put in front of him, will do anything to help me.  I am grateful for this from him.  I know I'm in trouble health wise and it is so needed, not just for my hip.  I even have been getting on my stationary bike and leaning back like a recumbent bike and that seems to work.  I will, I MUST do this in order to get my life back.  I think this at the crisis point in my life and I need to wake up and deal with it and not keep my head in the sand.

 

In A Split Second...

Yesterday The Hubby's side of the family gathered at out house for Easter lunch.  The day was just a beautiful day.  The weather was perfect and our yard a spectacle of spring color.  Our little Min-Min even called my mother-in-law Mimi.  We finished our meal and were all sitting out on the porch when our youngest noticed that Gloria was acting odd, trying to pick up her napkin and having no success.  Af told the bro-in-law who was sitting next to Gloria to check on her.  We all quickly knew absolutely that she was having a stroke, a massive stroke.  The Hubby called 911 and I guess the ambulance was close because they were there in less than a minute and had her loaded and whisked off to the hospital in less than 5 minutes.  OMG, everyone was so scared for her.  Poor little Snicklefritz was terrified but we did a lot of hugging and talking to help her.  It was truly a scary site, especially for the children, my granddaughters and the nephews.  

She had surgery last night to grab the blockage out of her brain because even though it was still the golden hour since the incident she was on a blood thinner, Zarelto, and it doesn't play nice with the blood clot busting medicine.  In fact her blood was so thin that IV's would not stay in.  That's kind of scary.  

We know that her life will not be back to any kind of normal ever again.  She will go to rehab and they boys will have to look into moving her from her apartment to the assisted living part of where she lives, that is a guarantee.  

Please send prayers for her.

 

Daddy Update.

Brother and I have taken turns and spent time together during the days with Daddy at the hospital since Tuesday.  They did a CAT scan on Wednesday and yesterday they informed us that he definitely had a small stroke.  They still don't know what is causing the fever, and he's having horrendous headaches but that may be the stroke.  We left yesterday afternoon when the rehab people came in to assess his capabilities so we're not sure how the legs are working but he was flailing them a lot in the ER on Tuesday trying to get comfortable on the bed after about 7 hours.  They only thing we can detect is a bit of confusion sometimes but that only comes up when the fever comes up.  The doctor said that could be part of the stroke too but just don't know.  Daddy told us and the doctors that he was sick for 4 days with fever and had not eaten for the 4 days and I was sure that was what caused the weakness, but...last night I talked to his neighbor and he told me that Daddy was standing out back by the fence yakking to him on Sunday night for about 30 minutes.  Hmmmm, makes me think he is saying this stuff about "4 days of being sick" because of the stroke and that he can't remember.  Makes much more sense.  He's always been kind of liberal with any kind of information, stretching the truth, and such it just seems a bit more wild.  We have to remember this when he tells us stuff and not take anything he says literally.  Anyway, he's still in the hospital at least till Monday when they determine if it's rehab at home or at a center.