Life's Tradegies

"The Path to Peaceful Thoughts"

16x20 oil

First of all, this painting is finished.  I painted it about a year ago and never signed it because it just didn't feel good.  I was not happy with it at all.  It sat on a shelf above my taboret table starring back at me.  Last week I started working on shadows, greens, light and the sky.  I worked and worked on it for a week and finally I thought, this is done.  I signed it and posted it on Facebook on all the art pages.  WOW, WOW, WOW, the response was awesome, especially on the art pages.  I've never had a painting get that many comments, positive comments, and the likes were over the top.  I felt my instincts were right about this one.  

Last week and this week has been so exhausting for The Hubby and his brothers.  Their mom is not much better after her stroke.  She is sort of verbal, you can mostly understand what she is saying, but she's not swallowing like they need her to.  They inserted a feeding tube in her nose but now want to put one directly in her stomach with another surgery.  That is a hard decision for them to make because we know she is hurting, that this is not what she wants her life to be, but she is enough aware that it's hard to just say no.  I watched my mother turn to the doctors, when they asked to put in a feeding tube, and eye to eye said a big, "NO!"  We watched her literally starve to death without food or water but it is what she wanted and it was really just a few days.  She was in such bad shape her body was just done.  I kind of feel Gloria is at that point too.  

The oldest brother is insistent that she not be alone at all so they are taking 5 hour shifts to sit with her day and night.  The sis-in-law, bro-in-law and our girls have also taken a turn.  I know everyone is wondering why I haven't taken a turn.  Frankly, I can't physically.  I can't walk the parking lot, the long halls and I CAN'T jump up quickly if she has an episode that needs to be dealt with.  My hip doesn't cooperate with that.  Also, I can't mentally.  After watching Momma take her last breath while sitting with her and all the times my siblings and I sat with Daddy all the times he has been in the hospital, and with him just passing, I JUST CAN'T MENTALLY DO IT.  I love Gloria, she is my dear mother-in-law, mother...I can't do it.  I'm just now getting my head on straight after Daddy and it's still not right a good part of the time.  I want to help, truly I do but I just can't.  So I help by watching the grands, or having dinner for The Hubby when he needs or get his milk for his breakfast.  I do what I can do behind the scenes.  I CANNOT go through that stuff again...crap, just typing this and I'm breaking down.  It's just all too fresh for me.  The Hubby broke down this afternoon and it was just heartbreaking.  They are all so very tired.