Good morning. Surprise, surprise, two days in a row I'm here. I'm still riding high on getting in that show in NYC and now I have to deal with the details, which for some reason makes me nervous. I printed out the details on shipping, dates, etc., and that's a whole different kind of mess. I've done it before, I can do it. You have to deal with shippers, which in the past have been grumpy old men (the receiving end) but they get the job done. I have special boxes I have to send out through FedX, they're padded and very strong. It's just a process and I need to be on my game to make it all happen. I'm sure I will not be going to the show but who knows, right!
Honestly, sitting here just thinking about it, typing it all out, I have a desire to FLEE from all of it, just not send in the paintings. You know that's a pattern for me to run from stuff like this. In high school, senior year, I tried out for talent show, Pow Wow (not called that anymore for obvious reasons.) I practiced and practiced with my friend Becky playing the piano for me. I sang Barbra Streisand's "People", and I was good, I knew it I felt it. I started out shaky and too soft but I got louder. I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED doing it. I knew people that were quite popular and talented were watching me, listening to me and it was the biggest thing I had EVER done in my life. I didn't even want to stand on the stage, preferring to stand by the piano down below on seat level, next to Becky, my comfort zone. I'm telling you I remember reading the lyrics off of the piano book because I knew I would not be able to remember them in front of everyone. But I did it. Funny thing though, swinging back around to my point, is that I got in that show, I made it, but I never NEVER went to practice to be in it. It was all I could do to stand up there and sing in front of those few people. It has taken a lifetime to break out of that cocoon I built around myself, I'm a much different person now, sort of. I've stood up in front of people and spoken, I've even done Karaoke before (a little liquid courage on board), but I've done it, I've overcome that shy, introverted girl, mostly. This shipping stuff seems to bring that stuff up sometimes. Makes my tummy flutter and me to take a lot of cleansing breaths.
Oh by the way, down 5 pounds as of this morning. It's been 7 days since I was in my doctors office, 6 days of watching the carby thing, 5 pounds down. It will probably fall off pretty quick in the beginning, enough to help with the next blood test, I hope. The Hubby asked this morning if I was going to tackle the pharmacy and insurance to get that damn pill. Pisses me off, really does. I told him I really thought I could do this on my own. I just hate to take a pill for stuff and you just don't know what the long term effects are going to be. He promptly said, "Well, you've not been able to do it before, you need to do something." I AM YOU JERK! For GOD'S SAKE, I have given up bread, potatoes, pasta, DRINKING, fast food. I'm eating giant salads for lunch, this morning I ate egg bites (7 carbs-vs-my protein bars of 38 carbs). I'm going to make my own. I'm cooking very clean and have been for awhile. But of course, on my counter is a German chocolate cake our friends made for him for his birthday. He sat right next to me last night eating it, didn't wait till I headed to the bedroom to watch TV. He has ice cream every night with chocolate syrup but has the decency to eat it AFTER I've left the room. He wants to snack and gets frustrated if I don't have a bag of chips or crackers or the right cheese HE likes. It's very frustrating. He eats everything I fix for him but these added things are not helping. It's not that I like GCC, I don't it's the smelling it while he is eating. It's the crunch of the chips I can hear. AND I'M NOT A BINGE EATER EITHER! I'm making the right choices and that will be what helps me get this weight down. If I can just get it down to manageable for my body, my health, that is what matters. STICK TO MY GUNS!!!
