Rejuvenation

The question on NaBloPoMo on Monday was, "Do you get more rejuvenation from being alone or from being with other people? How much alone (or social) time do you need to stay sane?"  That is a very thought provoking idea for me.  I think both being alone and socializing with other people is something all people need at different times in their lives, I know it is true for me.  After Momma died I needed to be alone a lot to deal with the emotions I was feeling.  I even went to Lake Austin Spa the summer after her death, alone and enjoyed every single moment I was there.  There are times when sitting in my hammock at the cabin or on the screened porch I savor alone time.  All that being said I also desire the company of my friends so bad sometimes that my heart hurts when they are not around me.  Probably explains why I miss Gail so much.  She so filled that space.  Answering that question could go either way with me depending on my mood.  How much time needed just depends on my mood.  This week, given that I'm doing the "woman" thing I kind of need the alone time.  As The Hubby often observes, I get in my invisible box.  The weekend I'm going to be surrounded by some old friends as it is the annual Hanging of the Bras weekend.  There will be laughter, talking, singing, dancing, games, eating and lots of wine drinking.  That will so fill the need of company and socializing and by Sunday afternoon I will need some quiet time to reflect and take a breath.  How would you answer this question? 

Babbling

Today is a babbling day.  I will type whatever comes through my mind and it may not be good I can tell ya! 


Workout this morning was INTENSE...oh my legs have the wobbles.  It's all good though. 

Harri called to let us know that Mr. T is still in the hospital and may stay through the weekend.  The infection or blockage is still there and the doc's are playing the wait and see game.  Mrs. P is not happy and I can see why.  It's hard to watch someone you love laying there in obvious pain.  Good thoughts are with you Mr. T and gosh darnit, yesterday was his birthday!  Happy Birthday Mr. T!

Having some weird kind of thoughts about friends again.  Goes back to when I was a teenager and I could not understand what was wrong with me.  Why couldn't I get a guy to go out with me.  Why did my friends treat me so bad.  What is/was so wrong with me that no one takes the time to get to know me.  Why don't I get invited to stuff.  Am I such a dolt that I'm just not fun!  Crap!  I asked The Hubby last night, Why.  His response, "It's because you're a party pooper!"  WHAT!!!!!!  I responded, "Why can't you for once be on my side."  I AM NOT A PARTY POOPER!   What the...HAY!!!!!  I don't get it.  I am loyal, a great listener.  I am interesting, I think.  Gemini's are supposed to glib and fun-loving!  Guess maybe I'm a dud there.  Oh well.  Onward!

Back to better thoughts.  Just not worth the worry is it.  I'm an okay person and I like me, that's what counts, right!  Didn't go dancing last night so The Hubby was a bit ticked at me.  I had a sniffle that was driving me crazy, allergies I think.  Besides I don't believe the people would like to be dancing with and touching hands with someone with the sniffles, allergies or not.  Next Monday we will start a class called Night Club Two-Step.  Not sure what that is but we will stop the West Coast Swing for about 6 weeks to do it.  I told The Hubby that the agreement was 1 night a week.  He was not too happy, but hey, I'm actually giving up a meeting for my art group for it.  I'm not doing it next time.  Hmphhhh! 

Rain.  We've had some downpours since yesterday thanks to hurricane Hermine!  The area really needed it and I think it should help the fall color.  Yep, fall is just around the corner.  I'm not too sure that I'm ready for it though.  It will lead into winter my most NOT favorite time of year.  It can be so depressing.  I have to really gear up with the painting stuff and keep my mind focused on it to get me through.  I temporarily moved my painting stuff to the office/shop and have taken up a back office that is not used.  Since I'm having to be there a lot since B is teaching, why not paint.  Yesterday I started a commission piece but I'm not happy with it so far.  Not good.  May have to restart.  Last night I kept thinking about it all night long.  Not sure moving my art place there was a good idea.  I don't feel inspired there.  Oh well, onward! 

See babbling day.  Later gators!

Nicknames

First this is post #900...amazing that in June it was #800.  I've been on a blogging push to write haven't I.

I was going to do the McLinky Monday but I just couldn't get my mind wrapped around 2 truths and a lie.   So today I've got another thought, nicknames.  When I was a kid I had a few nicknames throughout my childhood and teenage years.  In grade school one guy called me Crip' because of my broken leg and crutches.  In junior high my father called dubbed me Charlie Brown because I loved to say "Oh Good Grief."  In high school my best friend called me "Carla Binari", from a soap opera character on I think One Life to Live.  When I met The Hubby, he had a next door neighbor who loved to give people nicknames, names like "E, Ease, Flash, T, Bucky, and Abbott."  I was always jealous that I was never given a nickname.  It's kind of strange the pet names people get attached to themselves.  I guess my alter ego now is Jill of All Trades...just call me Jill.  Do you have a nickname?

Today The Hubby turns 55...Happy Birthday my love...

Reunion

This past weekend I went to a multi-class reunion from high school, 1970-1979.  I graduated in 1974.  So 35 years or longer since I have seen some of these people.  Don't really count the ones in my class as it turns out I was the only one in the group class picture!  There were two others there with me before the picture but they scooted out to go to the casino, and after the picture two more showed up.  It was weird and the old me would have walked out the door but the new me took the bull by the horns and headed to the front of the room, the stage, and had my picture taken with a smile on my face.  I was painfully shy in school but that is way behind me now. 

Before the reunion I was at Daddy's visiting when the doorbell rang.  Daddy didn't hear it so I went to the door and there was a guy, Daryl, class of 1972.  He used to be in Daddy's Boy Scout troup and I dated him and double-dated with him many a year ago.  It was so good to see Daryl.  He stopped by when he saw my car out front and wanted to tell Daddy what an awesome person he was and scout leader and that the group of guys in the troop were wonderful, that Daddy was a great influence in his life.  AWWWWW...it was so great for Daryl to do that.  We also got to talking about dating and I had to add that I really liked boy scouts too...wink, he said, "yes", that I was such a little cutie running around.  Uh oh, still a small crush?  Oh it was nice and he is a very, very nice guy.  We started talking also about spouses and his was in the car waiting.  Come to find out his wife went to junior high with The Hubby and graduated with our friend Gail (who passed away in '06) and in fact lived across the street from her.  Absolutely a small world.  All in all the day was nice.  Maybe next time more people from my class will show up. 

Where is the sun!

Where is the sun. The weather "guys" have promised a little sunshine today and I'm banking on it. I need sun. Wait, it's trying to peek through the over cast sky. I'm sitting on Harri's wonderful deck again tapping off Grumps wireless service (he's fine with that) and I think spring is trying to take hold. For months now the air has been silent. The birds have not been singing at all but this morning, yes I hear them, chirping and singing saying spring is around the corner. Today they are telling me, "Don't worry, the sun will make an appearance." I'm so ready for spring.

I woke up this morning about 7:30, yes I slept in, and The Hubby was still asleep. It is a little after 9:30 now and when I came over here to the deck about 9, he was still snoring! That is really unheard of for him. We partied a little last night on Sin and Bare's deck. Sin fixed crockpot fajitas. (I'll find out how she cooks them.) They were awesome. We had Tex-Mex fest with lots of wine and for me champagne or sparkling wine. We had laughter and lots of girl talk inside about Brazilian Wax while the guys were outside around the fire farting and telling dirty jokes. We are planning a Sock-Hop for next weekend at the wigwam so I loaded up my IPOD with 50's music and that was playing outside. After a bit the doors opened, the music spilled in and most of the ladies found themselves on the deck with the guys dancing the mashed potato and twist. It was an awesome time last night and I don't have a hangover or headache to speak of. When we hit the sheets last night I cranked open the window and didn't close it till about 4 am. The air was crisp and clear and the moon bright, making the room look like we turned the lights on. It was an fantastic Friday night at CC.

Today I hope to get a little drawing in, a little writing, a little reading, and a little walking. Tomorrow I will be back in town, hopefully for the Street Cats Furry Valentine auction to benefit the no-kill shelter. My girl Sheezekrafty will have some jewelry in it for the worthwhile organization that she has volunteered for a number of years and where her two babies Pimmy and Vera came from.

I almost forgot, Daddy called The Hubby's cell phone last night which there is very little service here. The Hubby told me to call him back and I did pretty quick as my daddy never calls unless something is up. I called him back with a mild pannic in my chest. He just wanted to tell me that he went to the doctor and the doc told him he needs his hip replaced. Well, you know that is part of what happened to Momma. We put her in the nursing home, she fell a few days into her stay, had surgery, and was gone the next month. The therapist on Thursday told me that HE didn't think I had dealt fully with the loss of my momma and friend Gail, like my girls have said. I poo-pooed that idea but yesterday I found out he may be right. At lunch with The Hubby at the wonderful Bangkok Thai buffet I told him about my session with the guy and what he said and then I explained that his little near death experience brought out all the feelings again after 2 years (almost 3 now). Then we started talking about my not wanting the responsibility of my daddy and his impending health stuff and then he tried to explain that may be the feeling of his oldest brother and why he didn't show up at the hospital when The Hubby was on the vent for three days. I've been VERY pissed off at the BIL over this and The Hubby defended him. I'm sorry. I got upset and told The Hubby that even though we knew he was going to be alright that it was his brother and it was scary but that I needed the support. It would have been for me too. I almost started to break down right there. I couln't believe how angry I was over it. Hmmm, maybe the therapist is right. I told him I would not have another appointment for a few months but I may have to rescend that option. Now I have to worry about Daddy and his operation and I have the power of attorney, I'm on all the documentation of his finances and pertinent papers and I'm not sure I want the responsibility. There is that word again. I think I want to run away from it sometimes. Got to think on this one.

I'm afraid it's happening again.

I'm really afraid it is happening again. I am not feeling the best today and I have zit on my chin, my glands in my neck are swollen, my ears are draining and now I have two lumpy things, one under each armpit. I so hope they don't turn out to be MRSA again. I am tired of fighting that crappy stuff. I'm hoping that I am just fighting a sinus infection or ear infection and the other stuff is a fluke of happenings. My allergies are acting weird so maybe that is all it is. I also feel blue, sad, down, non-friendly. This weekend I have just wanted to be by myself, not my jovial self. I want to sleep, which I slept till 8:30 this morning. We are at the cabin and it is glorious today. It is a bit breezy but the sun is warm and I am by myself at Harri's cabin deck. Unfortunately there is a downside to sitting outside in the fall, falling acorns. It's a good thing they haven't put down their deck umbrella or I would be black and blue. All the metal roofs around it sounds like hundreds of shots going off when the wind blows. The Hubby has gone fishing this morning at 6 am and won't be back till about noon. This weekend was full of festivities. Friday night we were invited to Sin and Bare's for a hamburger cookout which was fun. I had too much wine and ended up in bed by 9:30. Of course I had been up since 4:30 so the wine just made the bedtime sooner. Saturday I read a bit but Harri called me over to sit by her fire and visit and help her decorate her cabin fall like. So I spent the better part of yesterday over here visiting. I finally begged off saying I wanted to nap but I really wanted to watch TV, crochet and just veg out, which I did. Then last night was another gathering. Two cabins had recently been remodeled and were across the road from each other and so the inhabitants had open houses with tons of wonderful food. We gorged ourselves and enjoyed a lot of chatter with other cabinites but I was ready to be alone again by 8:30. We had been invited to Harri and Jimbo's and RM & Ed's but I just wasn't in the mood. The Hubby went over to Harri and Jimbo's for a bit but I just watched TV and crocheted the rest of the evening. I almost feel like I'm going to have that monthly visit. Of course the monthly has been absent since June so we'll see. I just feel like that in my head. Maybe that is all this is. I sure hope so.

I'm also dealing with the decision that I have made and have not yet fully put into action. The decision to quit or at least move places where I Jazzercise. It has weighed heavily on my head and heart this weekend as I just don't want to give up my girlfriends. That is what will happen eventually, even though we may try to stay together as a group it will happen. I've had it happen before and am very sad about it. My friend base just keeps dwindling and I am just in a deep depression about it. I just don't know what to do about it. Yes I have lots of friends but the old ones, ones that you have over many, many years I just don't have. I am jealous of other people who talk about their old college friends or high school friends and they still are in contact. Mine aren't. They don't want to be. I have had to forge new relationships in various organizations or places and then they seem to not last. I want a friendship to last through time. Gail would and was that kind of friendship but she is gone. My friend C, even though she feels it is just not there for me. My fairly new friends here at the cabin community are wonderful and we have great fun but they don't necessarily translate to deep friendships when the weekend is over. They have their own relationships that have been place for a long time. I'm 52 years old and don't have a best friend. That just makes me want to bawl. Wouldn't you want a friend like Lucy and Ethel, a friend that pops in for coffee or calls and wants to do lunch at least once a week, not once every 6 months. That is the kind of relationship I have left now and I am just distraught over that. When my mother was alive my sister and I and our children would descend up the old homestead every Saturday morning. We would either hang out there all day and cook, can, garden, go shopping and most assuredly go to lunch. It was awesome. But now Momma is gone and that tradition is gone. I am still not happy with Sis after the cat fiasco a few months ago and we just don't run in the same circles. Face it if we weren't sisters we would not be friends, just too different. You know even here at the cabin I am alone to an extent. Harri has Sin and when Sin is not here I am the replacement. Everyone has somebody that they pal around with. I usually sit at the cabin alone. Most of the time that is okay as that is what this place is for for me but sometimes I would like to be the person that is sought after. Don't get me wrong I make the trips around on my golf cart and visit with people a lot but I am not sought out by others to hang out with. I could take that as I'm just not a fun person or likeable but I do know that is not true. I am considered a very nice true person that everybody likes but I think I'm kind of generic. I know that sounds weird but I feel it. I know I'm whining but I'm lonely and all this pity party stuff is coming from I think hormones today, so sorry to those who are reading this crap.