Headache

It's called a headache this morning.  I'm still dealing with the aftermath of this stupid cold.  Waking up nearly every morning with a sinus headache just really sucks and starts messing with my desire for doing, ANYTHING.  Yesterday was a day that felt like I was PMS'ing and I HOPE I'm beyond that but I felt it.  I just wanted to hide in a closet.  I even had a handful of Lay's potato chips and just beat myself up for it but I know today is another day.  I think because I gained a pound this week I'm hitting a brick wall here and it is playing havoc on my mind.  At this point I'm looking forward to Monday and kind of a start over with my exercise and food.  Oh, I'll be good this weekend but it is definitely hard this week.  This picture just makes my eyes happy and hopeful for the spring that is on the horizon.  I can't wait to garden and just play around in the flower bed at the cabin.  I have plans for it all this year.  I've got to get the exercise under control because I have the 5K looming very near and it is time to prep for it!  Maybe tomorrow I'll do some walking/jogging outside and enjoy the warmer temps. 

Construction has also started on the add on with the brick and siding being ripped off.  It suddenly occurred to me that I need to clean out my closet and The Hubby told me it is time.  I asked him how much time but he didn't say and I told him I didn't want to receive a call one morning that said they're ripping it open in an hour.  I have that on my head to get the area cleaned out.  It's very exciting but definitely an inconvenience, briefly! 

I have to apologize to my bloggy friends for not visiting their blogs.  I've just not been in a mood to even comment or read.  It happens to me sometimes.  I just can't seem to focus (a sign of the PMS thingy) on stuff this week.  This will pass and I should be back though. 

Later my friends!

This and That

• Got the Wicked tickets.  Finally filled out the fax sheet with what I wanted and they called me within a couple of hours and it is a done deal.  Season tickets to the Broadway season!  Done!
• Officially pulled out of an art show, Art on the Square at Utica Square.  It wasn't my fault because "someone" messed up the the size regulations and my pieces are too big.  Not my bad.  But, will be in two shows in the next few months.
• Started the new TV season...oh my life is not my own.
• Ashton and Demi, really!
• Steven, Randy and J-Lo...hmmm, we'll see.
• Bye-Bye Hoff
• Fall is here, too bad the cool weather is not.
• Getting tired of mother nature not leaving my side...
• Love gin and tonic with a twist of lime, my new fav cocktail.
• I promise I still love you 'cause we're family but please back off.

Rejuvenation

The question on NaBloPoMo on Monday was, "Do you get more rejuvenation from being alone or from being with other people? How much alone (or social) time do you need to stay sane?"  That is a very thought provoking idea for me.  I think both being alone and socializing with other people is something all people need at different times in their lives, I know it is true for me.  After Momma died I needed to be alone a lot to deal with the emotions I was feeling.  I even went to Lake Austin Spa the summer after her death, alone and enjoyed every single moment I was there.  There are times when sitting in my hammock at the cabin or on the screened porch I savor alone time.  All that being said I also desire the company of my friends so bad sometimes that my heart hurts when they are not around me.  Probably explains why I miss Gail so much.  She so filled that space.  Answering that question could go either way with me depending on my mood.  How much time needed just depends on my mood.  This week, given that I'm doing the "woman" thing I kind of need the alone time.  As The Hubby often observes, I get in my invisible box.  The weekend I'm going to be surrounded by some old friends as it is the annual Hanging of the Bras weekend.  There will be laughter, talking, singing, dancing, games, eating and lots of wine drinking.  That will so fill the need of company and socializing and by Sunday afternoon I will need some quiet time to reflect and take a breath.  How would you answer this question? 

A Boring Life

I lead a very boring life, and it's rather boring to me right now.  This week has been kind of blah!  I have enjoyed having the time off this week and I so yearn it but right now I am wondering if that is very good for me.  I seem to have gotten NOTHING done this week but in reality I have, just don't feel it. 

I got tons of stuff done at the office this week and I should feel good about that.  I have finished yet another painting (check out the art blog over to the right).  I have celebrated a birthday for a friend.  I have worked out 4 out of 5 days this week (so far).  I have watched two movies we rented and finished another book the past weekend (2 last weekend).  I had dinner with friends Wednesday night and coffee with another group of friends this morning.   I had my nails and pedicure done yesterday and  today I took a 2 hour nap to try and catch up on sleep and feel like doing the 5th day of workout-cardio tomorrow.  I planned on painting but that has not happened.  Kind of feel lonely and I know that sounds weird again but that is just how I feel.  Lonely with myself.  I mean I have been productive yet I feel BLAH!  Even though I think I am through the hormone packed part of my life I think this week I'm having a fluctuation of them again and feel  BLAH!  Hate this.

Ultrasound update

Just as I thought....everything is NORMAL!!! I'm NORMAL.....

Ultrasound

Since my appointment was early this AM I decided I would not be able to squeeze workout in, but I did plan on at least catching an extra 30 minutes of shut-eye.  That didn't happen, at least the extra sleep, and I needed it after last night.  My allergies don't bother me until I doze off to sleep and wakeup coughing from the flim very early in night-night time.  So last nights sleep was not good and the bladder didn't cooperate nor did Clayton.  He wanted to be petted and loved after The Hubby fixed his breakfast.  Rats...just get up and get on with the day. 

The Imaging Center wanted me to arrive 30 minutes early and drink 32 ounces of water for my ultrasound of the "female" region.  I waddled in 20 minutes early, sloshing as I went.  The place is nice and seems to run very efficently.  I brought my new book to read, The Time of My Life by Patrick Swayze & Lisa Niemi but only managed to read the prologue.  I paid my $500 deductible (ouch) and was very shortly ushered into the ultrasound room by a darling young lady.  She was the nicest thing and just lovely.  In fact I told her she looked like the actress Heather Tom from The Bold & The Beautiful (before playing Victoria on The Young and The Restless.)  I was ready to get on with the picture taking so I could get rid of coffee and 32 ounces of water.  She then informed me that because of the spotting that they wanted to do the internal ultrasound so that I could empty the bladder!  WHAT!  She questioned me a bit more and then decided to do a quick look-see before the emptying.  What a relief when I was able to "let it go."  ......(excuse me...all this talk of full bladder and I have to run.......BRB)..................................... okay, I'm back.  As I lay on the table she shows me the ultrasound probe that was sheathed in a glorified condom with gel...lovely.  The technician probed and probed and I could tell that the coffee and water were making a comback...a little uncomfortable.  She suggested that I empty again which I complied.  Back on the table, probe reinserted she began the look-see again.  Then, with probe still inside she wanted to do the topside ultrasound to try and find my ovaries.  I suggested that that they may have dried up and she said that wasn't such a bad thing.  First good feel about the whole thing I had.  Finally, the test and picture taking was done and I was on my way.  I went to the little girls room again, then stopped at the house for another visit and get my bowling ball for tonight and then to office where I've made a visit there too.  In the mornings, on a normal day, my bladder gives me a run for my money. 

So this afternoon or tomorrow I am expecting a phone call from the doc!  Wish me luck that everything is all shriveled nicely and I can go on with this menopause thing. 

Testosterone

First I preface this post with the confessing I have had nearly a bottle of red wine tonight, Rosso to be exact.....

Yes I'm writing about testosterone here.  I have too much testosterone in my system.  It goes along with going through menopause and the lessening of female hormones.  Today, I went to the Skin Care Institute yet again for another round of laser hair removal.  This was not on my legs or armpits or neither regions but on my face.  Yes, my moustache and chin hairs.  ARGHHHH!!!!!  My great grandmother had a very full white moustache, in fact a Fu Man Chu kind of thing going and I vow not to have that.  I have told my girls that if I die and they choose not to cremate me and people are looking at my body that they are to tweeze me or I will haunt them.  I hate this!  It is just not fair.  I have dealt with an abundance of hair on my legs, arms and brows most of my life to find that my hair is thinning and the chin and moustache are growing thick.  I have been several times now to get rid of the stuff and it is a little, well, it hurts sort of.  An hour before I arrive at the office I have to apply a numbing cream to my face, chin, lip and lower cheeks to prepare for the OUCH!  J calls me back and I lay on the table, don the protective glasses......excuse me...I digress................................lots of wine...............oh...don the protective glasses, and then we're off.  The little wand thing, (I don't look so imagine) begins the zapping...OUCH, OUCH..OUCH!  I am grinding my teeth so much that the thought of taking Advil crosses my mind.  Just as quickly as it started it was over.  Really it wasn't bad and the zapping/hurting was just as quick as the zap.  I made yet another appointment in another 6 weeks or the temporary pain and hopefully that will be the the last one.  Do you think the testosterone driven black hair on my face has given up the fight and retreats forever!  I do!

Fish Fry and more

This entry sadly has no pictures to document the wonderful fish fry we had at the cabin, actually at the wigwam this weekend. We had about 70 turnout for the event and I can tell you I am not looking forward to eating fish for awhile. It was a rousing success as we put out the email invite and told everyone we would supply the fish and condiments, ketchup, tartar sauce and lemons, and everyone else was to bring potluck dishes. We let them decide and it turned out fantastic. There was coleslaw (several kinds), potato salad, cheese grits, salad, hominy salad, pies, cake, cornbread, jalapeno cornbread, just everything you can imagine. I was just stuffed.

This week has kept The Hubby and I busy with financial stuff. We met on Monday with the accountant and Tuesday we met with our financial advisor. These meetings were necessary to make a decision on putting an offer on some investment property. Our business is bursting at the seams and we need more space but the property we are looking at has the potential of leasing out for extra income. So on Wednesday, after the intense meetings we made an offer on the property. We met the realtor, signed the offer and wrote a escrow check for $5000. He left with the paperwork and our check to take it to the owner. I left about 30 minutes after him. I backed out of the parking lot and as I was preparing to shift into drive I saw a small piece of paper in the drive where I had just pulled out. I hesitated and then my gut told me to pick that piece of paper up. I pulled up, opened my door right over the paper and looked down to see $5000, our check was laying on the ground. It had apparently fallen out of the file folder the realtor was carrying. The Hubby walked out of the shop just then to put something into his truck and I motioned him over to my car flagging the check in my hand. He just shook his head, took the check and went inside to call the realtor. I closed my door and went on my way to bowling letting The Hubby handle the situation. So we have made and offer and he countered then we countered back and are waiting to hear.

This next week I have tons on my plate and no desire to accomplish any of it. I need to call one of my classmates that has put together a website for our class to guide me through it (I am the class contact); I need to pay a ton of bills at the office and they will be done tomorrow; I need to pick up the house and do my laundry; I need to call the insurance company to deal with some life insurance stuff YUCK!. All of these things will be done this week as they are necessary and fairly easy, I just don't want to do them. I have a lot of stuff to do at home too that may not get done anytime soon. I still have a closet to clean out but that is a major deal as it is filled with pictures, boxes and boxes of unorganized pictures that I want to organize. The closet is also filled with lots of my craft projects that I just don't do anymore but just can't let go of. Very sad. Actually, The Hubby suggested, after I mentioned, that I look into one of those closet organizers businesses. I don't need the closet for clothes as it is in "my room". I need it to be ORGANIZED which I'm having a hard time doing, especially with the boxes to the ceiling. It is overwhelming. I'm a little overwhelmed at the office too and B is trying to get me to get things together there. I was talking to my friend Bev today and admitted to her that I am just apathetic about everything lately. I don't want to do anything, absolutely nothing. I don't want to read, craft, work, nothing. She said that is sort of the beginnings of depression. I'm actually already there. As I have written before I have been so depressed for at least 2 years after the death of Momma, Gail and our little doggy all within a few months. I seem to rally and then I fall again and that is where I find myself again. I think there are a lot of things going on. I think I have the loss going on, the loss of my mother and one of my best friends and then I'm dealing with the flakiness of another dear friend to top it off. And to make matters worse I'm menopausal! That just makes my mind a jumble of feelings. Oh man I'm going to quit now as I'm making myself more depressed just writing about it. I think I might need to visit a therapist a bit, everyone else in my family has why not me.

Readers where are they

You know I feel as if I'm writing to myself here and in a sense I am but I would like a little audience here. It seems like no one EVER visits my blog except a good friend and a VERY occasional stranger. I've tried visiting and commenting on others blogs. I read over 30 blogs, not always commenting on them but I do read. I just don't get it. Does my writing or my life not appeal to others or am I just not marketing myself that well? I am really a novice to this stuff as far as computer-eaze goes but I've learned by trial and error. I guess I'm not that new as I've been blogging since about 2006. I just don't know where to go. I tried to sign up on BlogHer and I have so much trouble getting that blasted site to keep my info updated. I spent an entire hour last night (and that's not the first time) trying to get my info on there and just became frustrated and quit. I've read on Blogger about how to sign up with blog directories and I've done a few but still I sit and the tally marks of visitors keep adding up but they are mostly my own looking at my blog as I like to look at my pictures. It's a comfortable place for me to visit and I don't know why it isn't for others. Oh well, I will just continue to blog here and one of these YEARS maybe someone will find me and visit.

I've been in a fog for several, several days now and I can't quite explain what is going on with me. I think, think I've blogged about possibly being visited by Mother Nature after 6 months of nothing and that being the culprit. It could also be the unending rain that is plaguing this area and most of the Midwest now. I remember when I was about 14 years old when there was a June where it rained and stormed almost the entire month so I guess we were due for the torrential rains, but two years in a row I'm about done. Last week I didn't work out much as I felt terrible and today I was very low key at Jazzercise and the personal trainer, Wade commented how low my energy level was today. In fact, my knees and ankles are bothering me which is probably from the moisture and mugginess that has been ongoing.

Yesterday we spent Father's Day at my Bro and Sis-in-law's. The Sis and her hubby brought baby-back ribs and smoked chicken and I did the salad. It was very nice but my Daddy being Daddy he gets restless and can't stay much past the eats. At least he came outside and sat with us for a bit while we enjoyed the pool but he just had to hit the road and go home to sit in his chair and vegetate. I used to think it was Momma that was antsy to get home but you know it was both of them. He just gets fidgety and has to move on. The minute he got there he started in on his hearing aids not working, like he needed an excuse to leave. Bro and his wife invite him all the time to eat with them but he says he can't hear in their living room so he won't come over but in large groups. I think yesterday we all agreed that Daddy's social skills are a little lacking and he feels uncomfortable around everybody. You know he is only 72 years old (73 in August) and you would think he is in his 90's the way he crips around and complains that his mind doesn't work and on and on and on, but the man does two crosswords and two cryto-quotes every morning. He has a computer and he loves to play bridge, solitaire, hearts, spades etc all the time. He has his mind and he is able to mow the yard (on a riding one) several times a week, garden, weed, and all that kind of stuff. When we three kids get around or he gets lonely he is a "helpless" old man and I just hate that. He needs to get plugged into the community and have a good time instead of relying on us to keep him company. We have our own very busy lives and he is very capable of finding his own entertainment. Now don't get me wrong, I DEARLY love my Daddy and will be there to take care of him but when he is able I just don't get it. It's a little frustrating. The Hubby's Momma will be 81 in September and at B & B's wedding she was swing dancing. She is a lady on the move, got her mind and is quite elegant. She doesn't sit around feeling sorry for herself or mourning over her man endlessly. Well, that's a lie, she has had some moments but she doesn't sit around long. Daddy still goes to the grave and cries and talks to Momma. I feel that that is not them and I never visit. When he was drinking he would visit his parents and brother and come by my house a crying drunk. I just don't have the tolerance for any of it anymore. I've given to him, The Hubby, my kids, my community and I'm DONE! It is for me now and I'm not going to give into it. YES, I'm selfish now but I've earned it over the years, besides Sis said if he needed to live with someone he could live with her. More power to her. She's the baby of the family and she has taken upon herself to be his babysitter. You go girl. Don't let me stop you.

Sorry for the ranting but I'm just in that kind of mood today. Dark and dreary.