Showing posts with label nostalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nostalgia. Show all posts

Sunday, December 10, 2023

Feeling It

Yes I am feeling it again. This morning I am feeling the loss.  The other day my niece posted a pic on Instagram, on the stories of sister, Dana.  It just flashed up on the screen of my phone as I was scrolling, a photo of Dana and she said it had been 6 months since she left this corporeal world.  It was like a slap in the face to see it and took my breath for a second or two.  
As we are deep in the Christmas season, as with many, I am feeling the loss of family.  Friday Bro and I had lunch, a sort of monthly thing.  It was so nice to see him and just talk.  He feels it too.  We only lost Daddy about 3 years ago and now Dana so we are both in the depths of mourning still.  It's still too fresh.  
Momma's been gone I think 18 years now, and it does get better, I know because it's not as painful when I think of her, but Daddy and Dana, well, it's fresh.  





She made me crazy sometimes but I miss her, I miss her cussing, I miss her passion for anything.  

I'm glad the sun is shining this morning.  I need it.  I need it to lift my spirits.  Tomorrow we will attend a memorial for the son of a dear friend.  He took his own life.  She lost her grandson and husband in the spring and I do not know how she can push through, but I know she will.  It is tough.  It will be tough on me and I may break.  Sometimes it just comes over me when I least expect it.  The other night as The Hubby and I were leaving to head to the bank party I was telling him about going to have lunch with Bro and the conversation went to Dana.  I told him Bro and I are feeling it.  He said, "I know I haven't asked in awhile, but, how are you doing."  He hasn't asked in awhile.  I told him that she did drive me crazy a lot but she was my sister and I loved her.  He said, "well of course."  

There are instances when I want to text her and I have to stop myself.  I STILL want to call Momma and just talk.  Bro and I talked about missing Daddy, even though the last few years he DROVE US MAD!  We miss the old fart. 

Much like missing the past, the memories that fill my mind, our childhood, our lives.  I'm just feeling it today.  

Tuesday, November 21, 2023

Nostalgic Memories Abound

I originally tried to start this post with my mind fresh on an idea about Momma but the computer GODS decided to play some tricks on me.  I guess I might have accidently clicked something to put ALL of my post in HTML language, of which I am NOT adept.  A question posted to the community boards and it was soon fixed, and HERE I am, without the inspiration that was upon me yesterday.  RATS!  

Bare with me as I try to find that place in my brain.  Yesterday, I was feeling very nostalgic about Thanksgivings of years past, way past.  Trying to remember the fun times, the smells, the sights and sounds.  You know it's just Bro and myself that have these memories now.  Once we are gone those memories are pffft in the ether of nowhere.  They happened, yes, but once we are gone, they will be gone too.  It's odd to think about that, about where the memories go, so it's good to write them down.

Thanksgiving memories of MY/OUR past:

It was with great joy that Momma would get all kinds of ready to go to Jay for our yearly Thanksgiving at our great-grandparents.  At the time I thought the house was their house but sadly I was informed much later in life that the house actually belonged their son, my great uncle, Big Dan (yes, that is right,) and his wife, Ree.  Really crushed my young heart when I found that out.  In my mind it is still Greatgranny's place.
Big Dan
Ree
Greatgranny and Great Granddaddy

Momma would buy turkey, celery, onions, make cornbread and pack up all the utensils and pans needed to travel and make dinner happen.  Honestly, I do not remember having any kind of pie when we traveled for this, it was all about the turkey and maybe vegetables, creamed corn to be exact.  Momma could roast a mean turkey, and I have followed in her footsteps.  This will be the first year in eons that I have not done that.  We would load up the car on a Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when we got out of school and travel the two-lane road there.  In today's time it's only about an hour and a half or less but back then it was at least two hours.  
When we rounded the curve to Rattlesnake Hollow, taking the right veer off the highway to their driveway, I was so excited.  The beautiful house appeared and my joy to be back again was beyond happy. 



Two-seater red door outhouse!




This place was just magical, and on a cold November Thanksgiving even more so.  There was not an  inside bathroom, until I was a senior in high school, so the bathroom was the red-door two-seater outhouse, or the large coffee cans that were under the beds.  Every morning it was Greatgranny's job to empty the "potty's."  Finding a place to sleep, well that was the question in this tiny house.  You never knew if you would get the big freezer room, which I hated, Greatgranny's bed in her closet (small freezer) room, or the porch off the kitchen, that had NO HEAT!  I think there was a bed in the dining room too but I never slept on it.  I think that bed came later.  Oh, memory flash...before momma dragged her roasting things there, Greatgranny had an electric roasting pan next to her tiny room.  She would roast the turkey all night long, getting up every hour or so to baste it.  I didn't mind though because it was Greatgranny's bed, with the softest down mattress in the world.  We took turns sleeping with her, we three.  I think Bro did too, but don't remember.  When they still had their cow, Pet, Greatgranny would also get up before sunrise and go to milk her.  Oh my, that was my favorite thing ever.  She would wake us and we would walk in the dark, with Sandy, the collie at our heals, over the bridge to the barn, and milk her.  But that is another story  I went back and re-read that post and I remember now that her room was originally the freezer room, or another freezer room, smaller.  The OTHER freezer room had a HUGE chest freezer you could probably put an entire cow in.  

Thanksgiving morning would arrive and the smells in that tiny cold house were phenomenal and made your stomach grumble.  I wasn't a fan of much that was served in the Jay house.  Most things were left out on the table with a tablecloth covering so no flies would be on them, couldn't guarantee a mouse or two would not be up there.  I am not a fan of milk in general, and fresh milk even more so.  BLECH!  Most had cereal, or if lucky, a fried egg that Greatgranny was a master at cooking for breakfast.  When I was very young, the only stove they had to cook on was a wood fire stove.  I can remember them heating water on it for a bath in the tub they would drag in the middle of the kitchen floor.  There is a small glimmer of a memory of  Greatgranny baking an angel food cake in it once!!! But mostly I remember the eggs.  She eventually graduated to an electric skillet, and then they got an electric stove!  There was always something fried on the table:  chicken, deer, fish, frog legs, things I never asked what they were!  

While the women were cooking the kids, any kids, sat on the couch in the living room to watch a small black and white television in the corner with Great-granddaddy.  It was the only room in the house with heat from a wood-burning stove.  The kitchen was the next best room but was always full of women cooking.  The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was always on and maybe a morning show.  Honestly I wasn't a fan of the parade but there was not much else to do except play outside in the cold.  If the weather was good we would play with the dogs, walk around and dig in the dirt, just in general kid stuff.  Then the call for FOOD came and we were in.  
There were so many people, cousins, neighbors, friends, hunters and the food was always plentiful.  The men ate first, children, then women dead last.  I thought that was horrible back then, and still do.  Great-granddaddy had a little toaster oven next to his seat at the table, the head of the table, where he would make his toast every morning.  Big Dan sat at the other end.  We never knew when he would rise to eat but that was his seat, never to be sat in.  The minute he would make an appearance at the table the women would fall all over themselves to make him happy.  A gigantic glass of iced tea would appear with probably a 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar in the bottom ready to be stirred up.  Watching him eat was a curiosity because he didn't have teeth.  He wore dentures, sometimes, but never to eat with.  We would peek quick looks to watch him gum his food and drink that glass of sugar with a bit of tea.  He mumbled too.  I never could understand what he was saying but his wife, Ree, did mostly.  If there were any men in the house, no matter if they were family they were invited to eat, and they did.  

Those few days there were also filled with hunters.  They were friends and family that Big Dan helped to dress out their deer.  You know I had never seen a live deer until we bought our cabin.  I had seen many, MANY dead deer, hanging in trees, gutted and being skinned.  Ree would tan the hides, make deer rattles for children from the hoofs but mostly, a lot of the deer ended up in the freezer.  I used to love fried venison but not so much any more.  If you were outside you knew playing around that you never, NEVER ventured into the woods, you stayed close to the house.  There were hunters everywhere, it was very dangerous.  You had respect for it all.  I never hunted, never wanted to, but we did learn the respect for the gun,s and Daddy showed us how to shoot guns and have that respect.  We just knew NEVER to mess around with them.  

Okay, I guess that's all my Covid mind can muster this morning.  I need to get back to some watercolors to let the mind rest in a different way.  

Happy Thanksgiving.




Fox...it was food for them.  They lived off the land.

Thursday, December 08, 2022

Nostalgia - Melancholia...

Nostalgia, melancholia...
What is it about Christmas time (and probably the stupid dreary weather for me) that brings out the sadness, the loss, the loneliness.  Gosh has it been two years since we lost Daddy and sold the house. 
Daddy is gone, Momma is gone..the middle two siblings are now gone...
Daddy, Grandpa, Uncle Wayne and his son, cousin Matthew...

Daddy and his best friend, Jay...

My Great-Granddaddy and GreatGranny (she was my favorite)...the memories of their place in Jay I miss too.  It was the place, when I would get so mad at my parents, I wanted to run away to, a safe haven.
Grandpa and Grandma...
Granny and Granddaddy...oh how I wish they all could see us now, see how all our lives have evolved.  I think they would be so proud of Bro, Sis and myself.

I miss my dear friend Gail, oh how I miss her.  She was someone I could really talk to, tell EVERYTHING that was on my mind.  Anyone else I find that I hold back, with her that was absolutely not necessary.  I miss my confidant.  I have loads of friends and the past few years my bestie from high school has reappeared in my life, another I can confide in (thank goodness.)

I miss this sweet face.  No, I'm not ready for another dog, I'll go to our girls to get a dog or cat fix if needed, but I sure miss him.
 
Just feeling, well, just feeling today.  I think it's the holding pattern we are all in awaiting the arrival of sweet baby Maximilian to arrive in this world and all that is to happen.  I know I'm not the only one in this family.  It is a lot of the unknown, yet it will be the familiar to have a sweet baby yet again in the family.  

Sunday, December 27, 2020

Greatgranny and Greatgrandaddy

Greatgranny and Greatgrandaddy...
Two of my most favorite people in my life.  Greatgranny was such an influence on me.







Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Christmas Rant

I've been thinking...yes, that's a dangerous thing.  I've been thinking about Christmas when I was a child.  I remember a real tree with actual tinsel that had so much static in it you could hardly get it off your hands to hang on the tree.  I'm not even sure you can find tinsel anymore.  Mother's ornaments I think are long gone, possibly in the attic...yuck...  I believe we kids salvaged all that we could when mother decided to stop putting up a tree.  I still have my old felt stocking that is so fragile it's almost dust.  

I remember mother telling a story of when we were tiny tots and she went in to a local 5&10 store and found a small artificial tree.  She didn't have enough money, like a couple of dollars less than what he wanted for it and I think the thing was $7-8.  She offered what she had, maybe $5-6 and he told her if she couldn't afford to pay full price then she didn't need it.  She was so embarrassed I actually saw her cry.  She only wanted to have something for my brother, sister and I for Christmas.  Most of the time my mother made our Christmas presents, like these pajamas in the photo.  The stockings were filled with oranges, apples and nuts and we maybe got one big package under the tree.  Money rich we were not yet Christmas was a magical time of year.  Christmas carols, pageants at church, and the smells of baking things throughout the house.  Christmas eve at Grandma and Grandpa's with tons of cousins.  We definitely got presents there.  Sometimes it was a package of lifesavers and it was the best present ever.  Then as we got older we were able to make our own money helping Granny and Granddaddy doing various things.  A dollar, a pocketful of change, it all added up and then Granny would take us to the OTHER five and dime store in our small town (avoiding the ogre at the other one) and we would carefully buy for every cousin, aunt, mother, father, brother and sister.  Remember it was very little money and the 5&10 was CHEAP.  A bottle of foul smelling bottle of Midnight in Paris perfume might be fifty cents.  We took great pride in wrapping the gifts and handing them out on Christmas eve.  (Sister never did like what I bought for her.)  Christmas was absolutely magical.  Nowadays, it's not so magical.  I want to see the magic in my granddaughter's eyes.  The sparkle that maybe, just maybe Santa Claus is real.  That there are real reindeer prancing around on her roof. 

With all the commercials, sales, run on stores, everyone afraid that they can't get the MOST expensive gadget or toy for their child, Christmas has lost all magic.  Christmas shows, commercials, even running non-stop Christmas carols on the radio starting the week of Thanksgiving is just TOO MUCH.  I want to forget about everything that is happening in the world right now and live the magic.  Baking, wrapping, making presents, spending time with friends and loved ones celebrating, THAT is Christmas.

Merry Christmas friends.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving Memories

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.  I didn't set the alarm this morning thinking I would wake up on time to get Mr. Tom roasting in the oven and I didn't miss it by much.  I wanted to be up about six and the mind and eyes were alert at 6:15.  I rushed into the kitchen and started prepping said turkey.  Tea brewing, dressing started, turkey roasting, giblets bubbling, yep it's starting to smell like the smells I remember of years ago.  

When I was a wee kiddo our Thanksgivings were the best time of the year because, number one, we were out of school, number two we got to go to Greatgranny's, my most favorite place on the earth.  I used to think I wanted my ashes sprinkled on that property but as I near the age things like that happen...shiver...I don't want that.  No one is there anymore.  The house is empty and falling down.  What I have left are the warm memories that are with me and I try to share here sometimes for my girls.  

It was Momma's favorite holiday too because she got to shine with her turkey and dressing and I hope I have carried on that tradition for her.  My grandparents lived off the land and didn't have much but a warm home, friends and family, they were RICH!  So many memories of that place that I may just have to take off and ramble here to get the memory out.  

Mother would plan for weeks for Thanksgiving, making lists for her major grocery store run.  We weren't wealthy either so it was a huge chunk of change for her to spend on feeding whoever showed up for dinner.  But that didn't matter.  Greatgranny's was a haven for weary hunters and long lost cousins to come and know that they would be fed and get their tootsies warm in front of the wood stove in the living room.  You know I didn't see a live deer in the wild until I was in my 40's.  They were always hung from a tree being gutted in the front yard.  Men would come from miles around to get Big Dan to help them, teach them how to gut it.  I know, I know you tender hearts will take offense by this but, AGAIN, they lived off the land, even though Big Dan was a college educated man and highly decorated veteran from WWII.  There was never not some kind of "meat" that was not cooked on the table, in the freezer or fridge, frog, turtle, fox, deer, bobcat, etc.  It was an era and I am so glad I got to experience that world.  It made me who I am today.  Made me appreciate everything I have in my life.  Again, they weren't rich but the memories and life they let me be a part of made me and them the wealthiest people in the world.  (I'm getting nostalgic because of the yummy turkey smells wafting throughout my house right now!)
the dining room... 
My favorite driveway to my haven. 
More dining room.  That is Greatgranny, standing in the place that, before they made the freezer room/her bedroom in to a bathroom, Greatgranddaddy sat to eat his meals next to his toaster oven. 
Used to sleep in the bed of that truck in the summer months parked right there next to the house.

The garden. 
 
Great aunt Ree...in front of the many, MANY mounts that adorned the walls.

View to the living room from the dining room...the wishbone doorway.  I now have most of those wishbones at our cabin.


This is Big Dan (my great uncle) with one of many hides that were around too.  I think that is fox, maybe coyote...not sure. 
My sweet, sweet momma probably waiting on a turkey to come out of the oven.  She is sitting in Big Dan's place, always his place. 
Greatgranddaddy and the many minions of kiddos that were always around.  Two of the kidlets I sort of remember, but definitely me, brother and sis!