Loss, Yet Again

June was a horrible month, should have been a good month (my birthday you know!)  

We lost Dana on June 20th.

This is the last photo of us three.  Daddy is gone, Momma is gone and now Dana is gone.  Heartbreaking.

We also lost our sweet friend Tom a few months ago.  

July 15 would have been my best friend Gail's birthday.  It went by without a blip in most minds.  Then July 18 would have been Dana's 64th birthday.  

This week we lost yet another friend that we've know for 21 years, dear Maggie.

She had a massive stroke on Friday morning and was gone by Wednesday.  Man, she and I were messaging a month ago talking about stopping by to visit her but I just didn't feel well enough to be around her.  DAMMIT!  Wish I had just gone to see her.  

This stuff is just happening too often, I am damn tired of it.  I need a few months, no a year or two without losses.  I miss my sister, my momma, my daddy, everyone.  Doesn't help I have been sick for over a month now.  

Honestly today I actually feel like I am getting better.  Can you imagine having a sore throat for over a month, well, I don't have to imagine as I have been dealing with that.  Every swallow has been excruciating but today it is finally where I am not eating Tylenol or Advil.  Of course, it is just before I FINALLY got an appointment with an ear, nose and throat doctor on Monday.  I bet by the time I go in there will be no pain whatsoever.  Just my luck.  It honestly feels like a throat infection.  At least I am on the mend, I feel it.  The past three nights I have slept better than the past month.  My voice is a tad better but I'm trying not to use it much which seems to be helping.  

The babies are all home in their respective homes.  I've had Snicklefritz every morning so her mother could go to work.  She really is quite wonderful to have around.  Next week she goes to horse camp and she is so very excited.  I'm pretty sure I will have her in August before school starts too.  Her favorite thing to eat at my house is breakfast, scrambled eggs, cinnamon toast or waffle.  I taught her how to make the scrambled eggs and now she gets all the stuff out and makes it all by herself, I just supervise.  She LOVES my scrambled eggs.  We've eaten out breakfast a few times too this week.  Yesterday I had both girls as there was a car shuffle with Min's parents as they are still trying to make do with one car.  I think they've got the second one now.  Anyway I had her yesterday too so I took them for breakfast at a place here in Tulsa, Big Baby Rolls that specializes in vegan donuts and cinnamon rolls.  OMG, absolutely delicious.  It was fun on a rainy morning and then a grocery pickup, some watercolor painting, granny napping, yes Friday stuff.  I love having them but I do need some rest this next week and will totally take it.  

So my week is a doctor appointment, which is absolutely NOTHING!  Then delivery of paintings for an art show that opens in Broken Arrow on Thursday.  I've had to enlist my friend/former studio partner, Linda to deliver the paintings on Monday as I will be at the doctor.  We'll having the opening on Thursday and I hope my voice is better by then.  Lunch with my brother on Friday (missed this week because of my gaggle of children in tow) and hoping to head to the cabin after that.  I'm going to try and enjoy my free time the next few weeks, rest, paint and act like I'm retired before August 31.  That is when our little Max has his next surgery.  He is doing very well and even got his first tooth with another one on it's way.  We are hoping that he breezes through this next surgery and will be home quickly, just in time for Min to start her preschool classes again of which I'm sure I will be her taxi driver.  This time next year things (praying) will be more on the normal scale.  

Saying Goodbye

Happy 4th of July

(Max and his Granny, what a darling little boy)

The past weekend was one of the quietest 4th's we have had in many years.  Because of all the rig-a-ma-role that goes into taking Max or even two children anywhere they stayed home for the weekend festivities as did B&B2 and Snicklefritz.  I missed them but honestly I really enjoyed the quiet, or as quiet as it can be on the 4th at the lake.  I NEEDED the rest.  I'm still hacking and coughing up crap and this morning sneezing my head off.  I think it's allergies and took a Zyrtec to help, I hope.  I REALLY don't need another rebound illness to descend on me.  I'm sleeping nearly 8 hours every night now and before it was at best 6 hours.  I think my body, at 67 years young, is saying SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, or I'm going to fight you!

Sunday we headed back to town and went to my brother and sister-in-law's to celebrate the life of Dana.  It was quite wonderful with a meal and family on what was one of the most pleasant weather days for July.  I know some were thinking that we didn't do the memory walk just right but it was my sister and her family, hell, my family and we are just not like that kind of thing.  We don't do the touchy-feely kind of thing and frankly, it was Dana.  Memories, good memories, are kind of hard to bring up with it comes to Dana and have to be honest here, most of my childhood I hated my sister.  Didn't help I shared a room and a bed until I got married and left home at age 19.  We became friends after her marriage and then divorce.  She was a great aunt to my girls and they loved her dearly, but face it she was mostly a mess.  Dana was extremely opinionated and used the word FUCK like it was everyday language.  I had issues with how she raised her children, she was a horrible pet parent (she failed miserably at that), and basically how she saw life, but SHE WAS MY SISTER and I did love her.  We are each individuals and she certainly was.  We were extremely different people, and if you met both of us you would not be able to figure out that we were raised in the same house by the same parents.  But, she was my sister, and I DID LOVE HER.  Life moves on.  I spent most of the weekend dreading Sunday.  I was on the verge of tears most of the day but honestly Sunday worked for me and allowed me to get past that.  It was good to be with family.

Still Reeling

Memories

My eyes popped open about 5 this morning and I was immediately thinking about Dana.  Tomorrow will be day 7 since she left this earth and goodness I do miss her.  It's funny that as much as I was always angry with her, when we were children I loved he wholeheartedly and feel like a hole has been opened in my heart.  My brother texted me on Friday just to check in, he's feeling it too.  I told him it felt like we had amputated an arm.  It's a weird feeling to know you can't call her or text her anymore.  You won't hear her awful rants you hated anymore, now I miss.  Dana was who she was unapologetically.  She really was an open book, no holds bar kind of person.  I feel like crying at any second and when I see my brother on Sunday the dam may break open.  We are having a small family get together at their house Sunday afternoon to just be family and remember.  I look forward to seeing family, yet dread seeing family.  It's weird.  

We are still in a bit of a holding pattern with our family drama.  Still have a huge tree limb on our house, hopefully to be removed on Thursday.  They are still without cars, sort of, and are driving my car to OKC because it is reliable.  Luckily they have friends that have lent them two cars for town driving.  We didn't want them to drive them to OKC as we don't know the cars and transporting babies, just want them all safe.  Supposedly, Max is to be released tomorrow (Tuesday) but we've heard that before.  He is doing great, giggles, laughing out loud, trying to roll over and even attempting the crawling stance.  He needs to come home, NOW!  They need to get some semblance of normalcy back into their lives, so do we.  

We escaped to the cabin this weekend, a much needed escape.  We have both been so very sick that we were in great need of peace and quiet to heal.  Last night is the first night I did not cough all through the night.  We have been sick for 3 solid weeks, I think catching a couple of different bugs or what had been floating around in our house that was filled to the brim people.  

Today I have a brighter outlook as the house was empty and quiet.  Baby Max is hopefully coming home.  Lives are getting back to a sort of normal.  

Sister

 Dana Martinna Blissit Boyle July 18, 1959-June 20, 2023

Cancer SUCKS

So much going on in my/our lives right now.  First of all, little Min has been living with us since last Wednesday.  Honestly this time around she has been quite enjoyable and probably would be more so if I was feeling better.  Last week The Hubby started getting sick and Friday finally went to minor emergency where he was diagnosed with bronchitis.  Then Saturday morning Little Miss Muffet woke me up at 2:30 in the morning screaming GRANNY!  I rushed in there and noticed my throat feeling a bit weird.  Well, dang it, I'm sick too.  It's been mostly in my throat with just soreness but from Friday to Monday it didn't get better so I did a video call yesterday with my doctor and he sent in an antibiotic and told me to take Mucinex DM for the little cough and congestion that was starting.  Starting it is.  Good GRIEF!  This has been the slowest moving whatever it is.  I believe it's an upper respiratory, not bronchitis like The Hubby.  I am PRAYING, absolutely PRAYING that Min does not get it and so far she seems fine, so far.  Because if she does she will be with us longer than this Thursday.  

Don't mind saying that I'm burning out with this childcare thing right now.  It's probably because I am sick.  Oh, the reason I have her is this little guy, or should I say husky little guy!  Max had to go into OKC for a quick change out of his feeding tube contraption in his belly but they ran into lots of problems.  Finally, they got it going with a different kind but wanted to keep him to see how he would tolerate the feeds back into his stomach that had been basically shut down.  That meant staying until today when they were to do an already scheduled cath procedure to balloon and to check out his lung function to see if he would be okayed for the next surgery in October or put on a transplant list.  We are on pins and needles with this.  At the minute I'm writing this he is in the procedure and we wait.  Such a sweet happy little boy.

Now to the toughest news of all.  I'm not sure if I posted about my little sister, Dana, but Dana has been battling cancer for nearly a year now.  She was diagnosed with lung and liver cancer, terminal, inoperable but was doing chemo and getting ready for radiation.  She first went to the ER because of severe back pain and found out one of her vertebrae was collapsing so they put surgical cement in it and on she went.  I'm telling you, from the beginning I said I thought the cancer was there too.  Well, she's had a couple more stints in the ER/hospital, one with an ambulance ride.  Dana HATES, DETESTS hospitals and for her to willingly go is a big deal.  About a month ago she went in for pain and most of the use of her right hand.  This time it was more pain and loss of use of both hands and she can barely walk.  Her husband has to help her eat, go to the bathroom, etc.  We got news a couple of days ago that the liver was fully engulfed with cancer and it was pushing on the spine...I THOUGHT THAT!  That is why she is losing function of her extremities.  Either today or tomorrow she is being sent home with hospice. My baby sister is dying.  

I am more than devastated by this.  I knew the cancer was terminal from the onset but when it is down to the wire it is hard to take.  I need and want to see her but with a three year old in tow I can't right now.  If all goes to plan with Max I hope to see her one last time.  GOD, that's hard to say.  Both my girls were able to go to the hospital to see her and that makes my heart happy.  My brother flew up there the minute I called him to see her.  Her kids have been with her.  

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!

Also, our Aunt Sharon, one of two siblings left of Daddy's is battling lung and breast cancer.  She is to have a mastectomy soon.  I'm really not sure how much more I can take.  My heart is breaking in two.