Babbling

Today is a babbling day.  I will type whatever comes through my mind and it may not be good I can tell ya! 


Workout this morning was INTENSE...oh my legs have the wobbles.  It's all good though. 

Harri called to let us know that Mr. T is still in the hospital and may stay through the weekend.  The infection or blockage is still there and the doc's are playing the wait and see game.  Mrs. P is not happy and I can see why.  It's hard to watch someone you love laying there in obvious pain.  Good thoughts are with you Mr. T and gosh darnit, yesterday was his birthday!  Happy Birthday Mr. T!

Having some weird kind of thoughts about friends again.  Goes back to when I was a teenager and I could not understand what was wrong with me.  Why couldn't I get a guy to go out with me.  Why did my friends treat me so bad.  What is/was so wrong with me that no one takes the time to get to know me.  Why don't I get invited to stuff.  Am I such a dolt that I'm just not fun!  Crap!  I asked The Hubby last night, Why.  His response, "It's because you're a party pooper!"  WHAT!!!!!!  I responded, "Why can't you for once be on my side."  I AM NOT A PARTY POOPER!   What the...HAY!!!!!  I don't get it.  I am loyal, a great listener.  I am interesting, I think.  Gemini's are supposed to glib and fun-loving!  Guess maybe I'm a dud there.  Oh well.  Onward!

Back to better thoughts.  Just not worth the worry is it.  I'm an okay person and I like me, that's what counts, right!  Didn't go dancing last night so The Hubby was a bit ticked at me.  I had a sniffle that was driving me crazy, allergies I think.  Besides I don't believe the people would like to be dancing with and touching hands with someone with the sniffles, allergies or not.  Next Monday we will start a class called Night Club Two-Step.  Not sure what that is but we will stop the West Coast Swing for about 6 weeks to do it.  I told The Hubby that the agreement was 1 night a week.  He was not too happy, but hey, I'm actually giving up a meeting for my art group for it.  I'm not doing it next time.  Hmphhhh! 

Rain.  We've had some downpours since yesterday thanks to hurricane Hermine!  The area really needed it and I think it should help the fall color.  Yep, fall is just around the corner.  I'm not too sure that I'm ready for it though.  It will lead into winter my most NOT favorite time of year.  It can be so depressing.  I have to really gear up with the painting stuff and keep my mind focused on it to get me through.  I temporarily moved my painting stuff to the office/shop and have taken up a back office that is not used.  Since I'm having to be there a lot since B is teaching, why not paint.  Yesterday I started a commission piece but I'm not happy with it so far.  Not good.  May have to restart.  Last night I kept thinking about it all night long.  Not sure moving my art place there was a good idea.  I don't feel inspired there.  Oh well, onward! 

See babbling day.  Later gators!

Rain and Flooding

Although I like that it is summer, July, and we are getting some nice rain, but enough is quite enough.  Poor little Clayton doesn't like to go out and do his business in the rain.  He stands at the sliding glass door and stares in at us not venturing out.  He has his little doggie door that is very usuable but he has to run through a little rain to use it and he DOES NOT like it.  This morning he was out, in the dark and rain and was waiting for me to let him in the sliding door but I was not going to fall for the puppy-dog eyes.  

Pretty soon I heard a rumble and boom-crash of huge thunder. 1-2-3 seconds and I heard the doggie door open and close. He came flying through the kitchen and living room like a rocket on his way to the bedroom and the warmth of the bed. It was so funny.

I chose to stay in from workout today because I just didn't feel like testing the flooded streets.  Some of them I have to travel to see the trainer are a bit iffy and I just was not awake enough for it.  I know The Hubby was giving me the look, sort of like my mother.  Hey, what's up with that, I am an adult for goodness sake.  I can make my own decisions.  Thinking I want to be safe, besides the weather is making my tummy a bit rumbley. 

Strange occurrance last night.  It was the usual dance night and even though I had not been in a few weeks I assumed we would go, although I didn't push it.  Last week he opted not to go because he was exhausted as was I.  Well, last night he didn't even mention it.  Very strange.  I am afraid that I have made enough of a scene of not liking it that he is going to quit but I don't want him too as he likes it too much.  It is just not what I live for.  I don't mind once in awhile but not every time and I definintely don't want him to quit.  I'm afraid to mention it or we might get into a rather heavy discussion.  We'll see what happens next week. 

Boo

Have I told you how much I dislike Halloween.  I have never been a fan of Halloween, even as a kid.  Oh I must admit that it was fun when I was very young and the neighbors would make homemade things like popcorn balls and candied apples to give away, when it was innocent, the days of innocence.  As I got older and realized that you had to go out in public and actually wear a costume, well that was not fun for a person that wanted to blend in with the scenery.  I was not a fan of standing out in a crowd.  It has taken me a lifetime to overcome that fear.  As I got older the fear of embarassment was just too overwhelming and I avoided at all costs any kind of get-ups.  I even hated trying to come up with the ideas for costumes.  Just hated it.  The only thing I ever really did was dress up like a gypsy because Momma had a cool dress with glitter and rick-rack on it to make me look pretty.  I was always that gypsy.  When the girls were old enough to dress up I just refused to go out and buy a costume.  It was such a waste of money and besides it brought up the fear again.  Then the problem of having the damned candy in the house.  I LOVED the candy but it was a killer for whatever diet I was trying to attempt before the holidays and my downfall until the end of the year.  It was a vicious cycle that I have broken.  When the kiddos are little you just have to let them have some of the candy but I would secretly throw it away a little at a time (or eat it.)  Then it got to the point that whatever candy I would buy to give out would be the kind I didn't like.  Now, and for the past several years we go to the cabin on Halloween (if on the weekend) or I just don't turn my lights on.  I avoid the grocery store and the candy aisles if I can and just try to get past the day.  I don't have any kind of religious affliction against the holiday, it is just a horrible fear from childhood.

Ultrasound

Since my appointment was early this AM I decided I would not be able to squeeze workout in, but I did plan on at least catching an extra 30 minutes of shut-eye.  That didn't happen, at least the extra sleep, and I needed it after last night.  My allergies don't bother me until I doze off to sleep and wakeup coughing from the flim very early in night-night time.  So last nights sleep was not good and the bladder didn't cooperate nor did Clayton.  He wanted to be petted and loved after The Hubby fixed his breakfast.  Rats...just get up and get on with the day. 

The Imaging Center wanted me to arrive 30 minutes early and drink 32 ounces of water for my ultrasound of the "female" region.  I waddled in 20 minutes early, sloshing as I went.  The place is nice and seems to run very efficently.  I brought my new book to read, The Time of My Life by Patrick Swayze & Lisa Niemi but only managed to read the prologue.  I paid my $500 deductible (ouch) and was very shortly ushered into the ultrasound room by a darling young lady.  She was the nicest thing and just lovely.  In fact I told her she looked like the actress Heather Tom from The Bold & The Beautiful (before playing Victoria on The Young and The Restless.)  I was ready to get on with the picture taking so I could get rid of coffee and 32 ounces of water.  She then informed me that because of the spotting that they wanted to do the internal ultrasound so that I could empty the bladder!  WHAT!  She questioned me a bit more and then decided to do a quick look-see before the emptying.  What a relief when I was able to "let it go."  ......(excuse me...all this talk of full bladder and I have to run.......BRB)..................................... okay, I'm back.  As I lay on the table she shows me the ultrasound probe that was sheathed in a glorified condom with gel...lovely.  The technician probed and probed and I could tell that the coffee and water were making a comback...a little uncomfortable.  She suggested that I empty again which I complied.  Back on the table, probe reinserted she began the look-see again.  Then, with probe still inside she wanted to do the topside ultrasound to try and find my ovaries.  I suggested that that they may have dried up and she said that wasn't such a bad thing.  First good feel about the whole thing I had.  Finally, the test and picture taking was done and I was on my way.  I went to the little girls room again, then stopped at the house for another visit and get my bowling ball for tonight and then to office where I've made a visit there too.  In the mornings, on a normal day, my bladder gives me a run for my money. 

So this afternoon or tomorrow I am expecting a phone call from the doc!  Wish me luck that everything is all shriveled nicely and I can go on with this menopause thing. 

Busy Times

I feel like I have abandoned my bloggy friends.  I have not commented enough nor have I blogged enough but my life lately has been in absolute overdrive.  I seem to be constantly running with hardly a time to think about anything.  I haven't read a book and I'm finding it hard to sit down long enough to work on my art.  I hope it all slows down a bit, soon.  This week I finished yet another art project. YEAH!  Now I am in a frantic mode to draw something for the next project.  I went to the doctor for my "yearly" this week and I left not feeling too good.  You see, I had my last offical lady thing June 2008, but July, August and this week, September, it decided to hint at a return.  I told her about it and she said that I need an untrasound to rule out ...... "CANCER"...... Excuse me.  I know it is nothing and that I could just still be in the phase of my life but did she have to say that to my face, like that!  I don't think so.  The only kind of cancer that is my family is lung and prostate and one of those is, well not something I should worry about.  This has kind of bumbed me out a bit but I know I'm fine.  I have been in great health and feel great, except for my backache when I sleep too long, past 5:30 am in the morning.  So Wednesday morning I load up my bladder and try to drive in my little bumpy Miata to the ultrasound and have the test.  The last ultrasound I had was 25 years ago when I was pregnant with "A".  I will keep everyone posted.

This weekend is the 3rd annual "Hanging of The Bras".  My old friends from Jazzercise come the cabin and we laugh, drink, eat, laugh, sleep, laugh, and enjoy the bonds of friendship we have made.  I need to get off this computer and get my stuff packed.  I still need to go to the grocery store, pharmacy, liquor store and make time to have lunch with The Hubby.  Stay tuned for some of the wonderful pics from our weekend.  Toodles all and have a wonderful weekend...Oh, check out the latest pic "B" took in the office the other day.  My hair is really getting longer, thank goodnes.  I've been growing it for 1-1/2 years now. 

Dermatologist Saga - Part II

To see Part I of my incident at the Dermatologist read this then you can go on to read this post. I wrote a letter to my dermatologist about what happened with his PA and the assistant. Last night after I had turned my phone off my dermatologist called and left me a message to call him back which I did at 8 am this morning. Thank goodness he was very upset about what happened to me and vowed to get to the bottom of the incident. I am very glad and will, from now on only book an appointment to see him instead of the PA, unless I'm very desperate. The rest of the conversation left me absolutely scared out of my wits and very anxious. He was more concerned with the problem with the MRSA and wants me to see an ear, nose and throat guy and possibly an infectious disease doctor. YIPES! I really don't want to do that and it scares the bejeezes out of me. My gut is in knots right now. He will call back tonight and wants his office to order me up a antibiotic ointment for my nose and ears, yuck. There might be another round of different antibiotics eventually if I have another outbreak and possibly a stay in the hospital and IV antibiotics. OH MY GOD!!!!! Yeah, I'm pretty scared about it all but we'll see if I can keep this stuff at bay on my own with my probiotics, vitamins, Omega 3-6-9, vitamin C, etc. I just don't want to go that route if I can help it. My God I'm really in a little bit of a panic.

Valentine's Day

Last night at dinner I told The Hubby that he didn't have to buy me a V-day card. He was little confused and stopped chewing for a brief second to ask why. I said that we just had an anniversary with cards (no flowers?) and that we were just getting carded out. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. The cards just keep piling up and I feel bad if I throw them out, but after 33 years my keep pile is getting rather out of hand. Just take me out to dinner. Keep doing your own laundry and ironing and the dishes once in awhile. Once many years ago when my mother called she asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Fourplay! I'm doing the dishes." My mother thought that was just hysterical but you know something, it is very, very true for me. I love it that he is a part of the household and does his part. It was not always like that but I just quit doing a lot of stuff. I quit doing his laundry and ironing because it was not up to his standards I just quit. I did not marry the man of my dreams to be his sex slave or housekeeper! It is a partnership in every sense of the word. Besides I was working at the office and going to school and raising the kiddos while he worked seven days a week, 10-12 hours a day, it needed to be a partnership. Being nice to one another, a touch or a look is all I need for Valentine's Day.

On another note. I am again having another bout of the MRSA virus though not a bad one. I'm hoping that my taking the probiotics, Vitamin C, multi-vitamins, and eating well, rest and exercise that my body will fight this one off successfully without going on yet another round of antibiotics. I just can't do that again. I knew this cold might bring a relapse and I was right. My body is just trying to fight a lot of stuff off. First the cold, then the stupid hit to my lip thing which left me a gigantic mouth ouchy, my body is going to have to gear up to heal itself. Seems to be doing good this time around though. My mouth is healing and the cold thing is better everyday. I'm very tired of being on the wrong side of well lately. It plays with my mind a lot and gets me depressed pretty quick. Last week I mentioned that I was not going to see the therapist for a few months then the very next day the MRSA hit and a few phone calls from a sick kiddo in California and my head took a nose dive. It is amazing how the mind can play such a huge role in your physical health but it does. I've taken some steps on the road to my mental health getting better but I'm hitting some speed bumps trying to get there. I want to write, I want to paint but I need to find the time WITHOUT interruption. I need more than a day here and a day there. I need several days in a row. I have tried to stay home for a couple of days but The Hubby seems to find me. I think I need to run away (temporarily) for a few days. I am going to try and make that happen. Hey, when is spring break. Maybe I can do that at the office if B is not teaching. Maybe I can run to the cabin and just hide for several days in a row. I'll work on that plan.

Day at Home

Today I just took the entire day off and so far it is working. I haven't been called in to the office and so I sit here vegging out. I went to Jazzercise but again I did not workout as I'm having yet ANOTHER relapse in a different place, my armpits of all places. I can hardly put my arms down. I am so very tired of this crap happening. I called the doctor again and he is again calling in an antibiotic for me. If this keeps up I won't be able to take any kind of antibiotic when I'm really sick when I'm older. I don't understand why this keeps happening. It's apparently in my blood stream and just hangs around ready to pounce again. I want to be well. I'm kid free, days off and living a grand life but now I'm knocked down by this stupid staff infection that won't go away. Totally tired of this!!!!!

It's quiet here.

I am writing this at the cabin, technically neighbors cabin using Grumps Internet connection across the street. Harry and Jimbo are gone for the day, actually until tomorrow morning along with Sin and Bare. So it will be very quiet here. The Hubby left to go back to town this morning and won't be back so I'm by myself for the rest of the day and night. It's so quiet here. The holiday is over and it is hot so most are not up here. There are no golf carts zooming by and construction is done for the weekend and since it is so hot and dry the grass is not growing so no mowing. I hear birds and bugs buzzing around. In fact a little hummingbird just buzzed my head under this umbrella and just hung out and stared at me for a few seconds.
I'm going to use this time today to:
* Write this entry
* Write in my paper journal
* Read blogs
* Write letters
* Read my book, finish it and start another
* and tonight maybe watch a movie, The Kite Runner

It's quiet here!
________________________________________
It has been an awful week for me, medically. I had some issues, skin issues in the nether regions that caused me lots of sleepless nights, pain and just plain fear. On one of those nights of sleeplessness I started going over my history of skin eruptions and found a big correlation - STRESS and how I handle it.

1970 - My great grandfather passed away and it was my first funeral. I broke out in horrific hives that apparently were partially internal which made me vomit a lot along with the itching. Stress event 1

1970 - My first formal dance. My date had to bring me home early because I broke out in hives and hives just don't wear well with a formal gown. Stress event 2

2005 - My reluctant acceptance to do the books/accounting of our lake homeowners financial stuff. I developed a rash all over my upper half of my body, especially on my chest. Itch city and many, many visits to the dermatologist and lots of money spent to have it completely gone 2 days after I resigned the position. I was not sleeping and was a basket case with the heaviness of the responsibility of the job, a volunteer job. Stress event 3

Jan-Feb 2008 - B & B2 planning and having a wedding...my arms were in a constant itchy rash. Wedding over and within a month it cleared up on it's own. I also was sick as a dog with a cold and no voice. Stress event 4

July 5, 2008 - The Hubby is in a very scary fireworks accident which results in a stay in ICU Burn on a vent for 3 days. Stress event 5

I was very strong and calm and handled it all well. The ensuing result is my stress popped out in skin issues and painful skin ulcers in places that are not seen. All this was made worse by my regular doc being on vacation, my GYN is on vacation, my dermatologist is on vacation. I was told to go to a minor emergency. I'm NOT taking my nether region to a minor emergency! Stress is piled onto stress as the skin eruption is getting worse and spreading and I'm even more stressed by this and the worry that I'm not sleeping and I'm very uncomfortable and FREAKED OUT. Finally, after crying on the phone to a nurse in the dermatologist office I am allowed to see the PA, which I thought was a woman. When I did meet Terry, it was a guy, but I was that point of ANYTHING! I'm healing with tons of antibiotics but this has all made me think about how I deal with stress. When The Hubby was first in the emergency room on the vent and I was sitting there watching him all alone I had the intense need for pen and paper. I NEEDED to write what I was feeling but there was none to be had. Maybe if I had written my feelings instead of bottling them up, or even if I had fallen apart the stress might not have manifested itself in the skin stuff. If, if, if. Well, I'm writing now and I'm going to have to keep a little notebook in my purse for the next stress event.