Nursing Home?

I woke this morning at the usual 5 am for workout but I think I should have gone back to bed after I stopped the toilet up.  That should have been the first clue that I needed to RUN, run far away from my life.  After my usual 3 miles on the treadmill I was back to get ready for the day.  I had to meet my cousin at Daddy's house so she could clean the dreaded germs away.  I left her doing her thing and then was on the hunt for a skilled nursing facility for Daddy by the end of the week.  If you have never done this for a parent, get ready.  It is a reality for our aging parents and we could soon be there too depending our your age.  The first one had a lot of good stars according to http://www.medicare.gov/ and the fancy little booklet the hospital gave me.  I walked into the doors and the first thing was the smell.  I couldn't put my finger on it but it was a sweet, bleachy smell.  I was struck by the sight of all the wheelchairs and women.  The place was stuffed with women.  The lady giving me the tour said the last male in residence just moved out (not sure what that meant).  All women and all women in wheelchairs...uh...I don't think so.  I left feeling a bit defeated and the cold blowing wind didn't help my mood.  Off to yet another place that was only a couple of years old and from the outside looked nice.  It was nice inside too, as soon as I was able to find the stupid door.  Apparantly, I was trying to get into the wrong door at the front of the building, according to the angry staff that let me in.  Small stumble.  On with the tour and I was much more impressed.  This was place was fairly new, not stuffed.  Come to think of it I only saw ladies there too, hmmmmm.  The halls had a guinea pig in a cage and a very large bird cage filled with parakeets.  Loved that.  The rooms were very nice and the good thing is they probably would have a bed by the end of the week, just in time.  Back to his house to check on the cleaning and then it was off to the hospital to see Daddy.

I walked into his room and the first thing out of Daddy's mouth was that he and "Josh", his re-hab guy had been talking and they think he should come to my house and stay in the guest room.  What!  I had to explain to Daddy that my guest room is my closet right now.  We are in major construction and his moving in is just not possible.  Besides that he will need tons of care and I am gone a lot.   Just not possible.  Then he started talking about have fulltime, live-in care.  He CANNOT afford that.  I know he is getting depressed by this but it can't be helped and it is TEMPORARY.  I don't want to knock him down but it is just not happening.  I felt trapped sitting in my chair, not wanting to face those pleading eyes.  Oh my GOD!  What am I going to do.  It was all I could do to not run from that room and keep running.  He doesn't understand that he has a catheter, IV drip line, and a huge wound in his leg and NO HIP!  Plus he has to have physical therapy, everyday.  I was finally able to leave and walked out trying not to cry as I called my brother.  I needed help and he was there for me.  I have to be strong and as I left I told Daddy, again, that it would be temporary and that it was the only option.  This day is only Monday.  I'm not sure I want to be around the rest of the week but I must do what I must do.  Here's to Tuesday!