Doubt

Doubt.  That is the question of the day from NaBloPoMo, to talk about the word doubt.  Very interesting because I spent the day Thursday with a bit of that on my mind, the word doubt.  I'll start with the throught process that was flooding through my brain while laying on the massage and facial tables yesterday.  I was talking to Jennifer that does my facials and we chatted about gardening then I had to shut my yap so she could work.  So while the mouth was sealed my mind wandered to 1980, the year after our oldest, B was born.  That summer I was doing Weight Watchers and I had discovered the world of gardening.  I could not get enough of gardening, doing, reading, and watching TV about it.  My mother started the training of "how to" from the point of view of old school and I was a sponge.  I had a huge garden that I tilled, weeded and grew everything and I have to say the weight fell off of me.  I was buff.  That experience is what inspired me to begin college and my first class....TaDa...was Horticulture.  I decided that I wanted to be a horticulturist and I did quite well in that class.  Doubt reared it's ugly head thought and made me doubt that I could actually do it.  There is a lot to being a horticulturist and since it was my first class of college and I was so unsure of myself in high school, I abandoned that thought process.  In fact, after that class I stopped and didn't go back until after the 2nd kiddo arrived on the scene, 1985.  Then I took the safe way and went business, since that is what I basically did, and that was a lot of the classes I took in high school.  My safety zone.  I doubted that I could branch out. 

The doubt had played a role in my life many times over the years and the horticulture era was not the first.  When I was 16 years, looking for my first job I had a thought about a vet clinic.  You see there were a few careers that I wanted to pursue in my life but there was not an avenue for it and I was stopped every step of the way.  The idea of woking at the vet clinic was because I wanted to be a veterinarian.  I talked to the vet, our vet and he told me that working at the clinic was not women's work.  That cleaning out the kitty litters and cages was not for a woman, or girl.  He made me doubt that I could do it and I quickly left that idea behind.  I realize now that I could have be a vet, easily. 

I also wanted to be a lawyer when I was a youngster, and even up until a few years ago The Hubby has tried to encourage me to go to law school.  That one I know I could do, no doubt, but I'm 55 years old and frankly, I'm done with school.  I don't want to, there is no doubt.  At one time I wanted to be the next Perry Mason but now I have found that I am happy being who I am.  I am a woman!  I am a happy woman!  I am a wife, a mother, friend, successful business woman (with The Hubby), an artist.  I don't doubt my ability anymore.  I am comfortable with myself!