I Am An ____________

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep my mind was working a bit overtime.  In fact, It took a good hour for me to finally doze off, and it was a fitful sleep.  

While tossing and turning my mind went to what I accomplished yesterday.  I signed a painting, started a few more and felt like I had finally come into my own.

I have always wanted a title, an accountant, a lawyer, a teacher...something.

Sometimes when I read obituaries some of the "older" ladies are listed as "housewives!"  In this day and time more women are working women so you don't see the term as often.  I have told the family, on numerous occasions that I would come back and haunt them if they put that in my obit.  I am much more than a housewife.  I am an office manager, partner in a business, scheduler, bookkeeper, planner, chef, etc.  I mean these things as all of women do, whether you work outside the home or not.  We ALL WORK!  I've been very proud that I was able to raise my children by being as close to a stay at home mother as possible while also enjoying the labors of have a job too.  Being self employed with The Hubby has given me that opportunity to pretty much set my hours to be with my kinds.  It has been a perfect "marriage."

With all that in mind, on my profile I list all of these assets with a bit about why I am called Jill of All Trades.  I talk about my ability to do a ton of stuff fairly well but not perfect and the fact that I tend to jump around with projects.  Whether it is a bit of ADD or the Gemini, Twin thing going on I have my fingers in all kinds of pots.  I've also listed that I now call myself an artist but that has been with a bit of apprehension.  I truly have not felt that I am even though I list it.  Yesterday, I felt that I was an artist.  I have come to realize that I have finally, FINALLY found a talent that I do very, very well.  Something that I can get paid for and noticed.  It is an exhilarating feeling I can tell you to know that I am an ARTIST!

I have done a few sketches of my friend Harri's sweet doggies that have passed recently in the hopes of trying to paint them.  Yesterday I started.  I have sort of promised to try and paint a family grouping for a friend from high school and started that this week in class.  I have to say even I can't believe I have done what I have done.

I finally have a title.
I am an ARTIST!

Doubt

Doubt.  That is the question of the day from NaBloPoMo, to talk about the word doubt.  Very interesting because I spent the day Thursday with a bit of that on my mind, the word doubt.  I'll start with the throught process that was flooding through my brain while laying on the massage and facial tables yesterday.  I was talking to Jennifer that does my facials and we chatted about gardening then I had to shut my yap so she could work.  So while the mouth was sealed my mind wandered to 1980, the year after our oldest, B was born.  That summer I was doing Weight Watchers and I had discovered the world of gardening.  I could not get enough of gardening, doing, reading, and watching TV about it.  My mother started the training of "how to" from the point of view of old school and I was a sponge.  I had a huge garden that I tilled, weeded and grew everything and I have to say the weight fell off of me.  I was buff.  That experience is what inspired me to begin college and my first class....TaDa...was Horticulture.  I decided that I wanted to be a horticulturist and I did quite well in that class.  Doubt reared it's ugly head thought and made me doubt that I could actually do it.  There is a lot to being a horticulturist and since it was my first class of college and I was so unsure of myself in high school, I abandoned that thought process.  In fact, after that class I stopped and didn't go back until after the 2nd kiddo arrived on the scene, 1985.  Then I took the safe way and went business, since that is what I basically did, and that was a lot of the classes I took in high school.  My safety zone.  I doubted that I could branch out. 

The doubt had played a role in my life many times over the years and the horticulture era was not the first.  When I was 16 years, looking for my first job I had a thought about a vet clinic.  You see there were a few careers that I wanted to pursue in my life but there was not an avenue for it and I was stopped every step of the way.  The idea of woking at the vet clinic was because I wanted to be a veterinarian.  I talked to the vet, our vet and he told me that working at the clinic was not women's work.  That cleaning out the kitty litters and cages was not for a woman, or girl.  He made me doubt that I could do it and I quickly left that idea behind.  I realize now that I could have be a vet, easily. 

I also wanted to be a lawyer when I was a youngster, and even up until a few years ago The Hubby has tried to encourage me to go to law school.  That one I know I could do, no doubt, but I'm 55 years old and frankly, I'm done with school.  I don't want to, there is no doubt.  At one time I wanted to be the next Perry Mason but now I have found that I am happy being who I am.  I am a woman!  I am a happy woman!  I am a wife, a mother, friend, successful business woman (with The Hubby), an artist.  I don't doubt my ability anymore.  I am comfortable with myself!