Feeling It

Yes I am feeling it again. This morning I am feeling the loss.  The other day my niece posted a pic on Instagram, on the stories of sister, Dana.  It just flashed up on the screen of my phone as I was scrolling, a photo of Dana and she said it had been 6 months since she left this corporeal world.  It was like a slap in the face to see it and took my breath for a second or two.  

As we are deep in the Christmas season, as with many, I am feeling the loss of family.  Friday Bro and I had lunch, a sort of monthly thing.  It was so nice to see him and just talk.  He feels it too.  We only lost Daddy about 3 years ago and now Dana so we are both in the depths of mourning still.  It's still too fresh.  

Momma's been gone I think 18 years now, and it does get better, I know because it's not as painful when I think of her, but Daddy and Dana, well, it's fresh.  

She made me crazy sometimes but I miss her, I miss her cussing, I miss her passion for anything.  

I'm glad the sun is shining this morning.  I need it.  I need it to lift my spirits.  Tomorrow we will attend a memorial for the son of a dear friend.  He took his own life.  She lost her grandson and husband in the spring and I do not know how she can push through, but I know she will.  It is tough.  It will be tough on me and I may break.  Sometimes it just comes over me when I least expect it.  The other night as The Hubby and I were leaving to head to the bank party I was telling him about going to have lunch with Bro and the conversation went to Dana.  I told him Bro and I are feeling it.  He said, "I know I haven't asked in awhile, but, how are you doing."  He hasn't asked in awhile.  I told him that she did drive me crazy a lot but she was my sister and I loved her.  He said, "well of course."  

There are instances when I want to text her and I have to stop myself.  I STILL want to call Momma and just talk.  Bro and I talked about missing Daddy, even though the last few years he DROVE US MAD!  We miss the old fart. 

Much like missing the past, the memories that fill my mind, our childhood, our lives.  I'm just feeling it today.  

Clouds and Memories

 

Good Sunday morning all.  I have to say this retirement thing is kind of awesome, finally.  We are truly getting into it now, now that Min and Max's lives are settling down.  This morning I actually slept in till 8 am.  That is honestly unheard of for me, usually.  I'm a 5 am kind of gal.  I still try to wake up at 4:30 or 5 but I MAKE myself go back to sleep.  I feel so much better getting more sleep and it's restful sleep.  I'm certainly missing the early morning time at my easel but I will adapt at some point.  We get up and just hang around the house or go out to breakfast and on the weekends he fixes me breakfast.  He even comes home at lunch time while I'm settling in to watch my soaps, AND WATCHES THEM WITH ME!  Oh, he doesn't pay much attention, but he's there with me and asks occasional questions about them.  Funny.  We headed to the cabin on Thursday this week planning on coming back on Saturday 
afternoon to attend an engagement party.  When we did get back we opted to beg off because he has a head cold and Friday night I started a twinge of getting it too. DAMMIT!  I DO NOT need to get sick again.  So far though it's just an annoyance kind of drippy nose, slight scratch of the throat.  Honestly I feel like it's allergies but he definitely has a head cold.  I'm supposed to get my Covid booster tomorrow and flu shot on Tuesday but not sure if I need to reschedule while my body is dealing with this thing.  If I do okay today I will just keep the appointments.  I want to be vaccinated.

The drive Thursday afternoon was beautiful and the skies were full of amazing clouds.  I will surely try to paint some of these.  I just love road photos, especially to paint.  

Recently I have been missing my sister, a lot, and today I'm missing Daddy.  I would go to see him a lot on Sunday mornings and the feeling to drive there overcame me briefly.  Friday I got a message from my niece wanting to know if I could talk.  She had a crochet question.  I said sure and we chatted about her project she was try to do and needed some advice.  I was glad to help.  She also contacted me earlier in the week for the Bathtub Chicken recipe that Momma used to make.  Her mother made it all the time but she could not find the recipe.  I was happy to dig it out for her, the original Momma used to use.  I know for a fact though that Dana reimagined her version so there might not have been an actual copy written down.  When I got off the phone for her I was glad she felt comfortable to reach out to me and sad that she had to.  Then I looked up to the sky and told Dana, "I'm here for her, I'm here for her."  

Gosh, how that hit me, I MISS MY SISTER, my momma and daddy.

Sister

 Dana Martinna Blissit Boyle July 18, 1959-June 20, 2023