Moving Forward

Lots on my mind lately, weight loss, pain, family, possible surgery, retirement...

Yesterday was my baby's birthday, #36!  Somehow I do NOT feel that old but guess what, I AM!  I am 65 years old now and on MEDICARE!  Who let that time machine continue on and make me old.  In my heart I am still in my 30's at least but my body is certainly betraying me.  Last night I hurt, absolutely hurt.  My leg, not necessarily my hip but my leg hurt.  I think it has to do with the sciatic nerve and because my leg is shorter than the other one the muscles don't work as well and they are atrophying.  I honestly was in tears last night because it hurt all the way down my leg through my knee and just above the ankle, where I broke it at age 11.  Wondering if that nerve is caught there or something.  I finally got up and took a couple of Aleve and was able to dose back off until the alarm went off at 5.  Miserable, absolutely miserable last night and today is a bit rough because it even hurts to walk a bit and I have a lot to do because I'm having company tonight.  I have got to clean my kitchen and make some pie.  ARGHHHHHhh! 

This little recipe I developed after reading a few other recipes.  

(Oh, and the scale has been up because of TOO MUCH birthday celebrations but as of today it is back down to a loss of 16.8 pounds!!!)

Chicken Curry Salad (single serving)

Boneless/skinless Chicken breast

1/2 tsp (or more) Curry powder

1 tsp olive oil

Salt & pepper

Celery stalk, chopped

20 seedless grapes, halved

1 Tbls toasted pecan pieces or halves

1 Tbls mayonnaise

Preheat oven 350°. Rub oil over chicken and season with salt, pepper, and curry powder to taste. Roast 25-30 minutes till meat thermometer registers 165° internal temperature. When done let it set to cool a bit and chop celery and halve grapes. Toast pecans in 350° oven about 3-5 minutes. When chicken cools chop and add to bowl with the rest of the ingredients. Adjust seasonings to taste. Enjoy.

On to other things on my mind and it does relate to my age again.  I've been entering all these art competitions and shows trying to get in and all I'm doing is wasting my time and losing a lot of money because all I am getting in return are RED "X'S".  Turned down over and over again and it starts taking a hold on my mental health.  Then I begin to think I am going to quit this merry-go-round of entering and just give it up.  I watch a lot of artists do it, they paint, get in the shows, ship the paintings off and sometimes attend the shows but honestly, because of how my physical body is working I am not inclined to participate in that stuff anymore.  I really don't want to give up that desire but I am not seeing light at the end of this dark art tunnel.  I have tried and tried to no avail.  Don't you want to be accepted with your peers?  I certainly do, my art peers, but the constant denials are slapping me in the face and I'm too tired and in too much pain to deal with it right now.  Have I waited to late in life?  I'm afraid I have and that is such a sad thought for me.  I look at my art studio, which is a mess right now and don't see a point in continuing it all.  I'm just creating a lot of paintings that are gathering dust because I can't seem to sell much either and since the pandemic shows have stopped, local stuff.  If there are some I am just too sore and exhausted to try to schlep my stuff to the show.  It takes a lot of energy that I just don't have anymore.  I don't trust myself to be able to walk, let alone carry paintings to a show.  It's all I can do to get groceries inside the house.  

Plus we are still working, not me so much, but I am going into the office when needed and the job I do is needed.  I do invoicing, payroll, deposit checks, accounting...I am needed there and we are so close to being able to end it.  I don't have time to have hip surgery yet.  I need my hip done, my knee and I think my shoulder and none of it am I looking forward too, but it all may become a necessity, especially after last nights painfest!  The Hubby has set the end of the year for the closing our business doors, one way or another.  We find a buyer or we just close it down.  Originally it was June 1 of THIS YEAR, but obviously that didn't happen.