Covid Ramifications, Family Loss

Good Monday Morning and yes it is a GOOD Monday morning!  

After a week of isolation and battling the "VID"  I have won and am testing negative and so is The Hubby.  It has not been all pleasant for me I can assure you.  The Hubby had just a little sniffle and that was about it, oh and he threw his back out leaning over in his chair one evening at dinner.  Me, well, my covid took a dark turn, I got strep throat, at least that is MY diagnosis.  My throat was so sore, so very sore I could not swallow without crying out in pain.  For nearly 3 solid days of this I contacted the doctor again and said I needed something to help, thinking it was just the virus.  They sent a prescription of liquid lidocaine, a viscous concoction that did not help at all and only made me want to throw up, which was not appealing with the throat I had!!!!  I tried, man I tried but it was not working and the throat just got worse and worse.  I slept Wednesday night with a hand towel stuffed in my mouth to catch the saliva so I didn't have to swallow, now that is pain!  The PA said wait to Friday morning and then they would call in an antibiotic if nothing had changed.  By Thursday evening I was a basket case.  I sent three messages PLEADING for help and she sent in a prescription for the antibiotic.  Today, Monday morning, there is still a tinge of sore but I can sleep, I can swallow, and I can talk without screaming and I tested NEGATIVE!  I can tell you I've had strep many times and this is the worst, absolute worst I have ever had in my life.  And honestly if I had not been vaccinated and boosted I probably would have been in the hospital because it wanted to go to my chest really bad.  I don't care what anti-vaxxer's say being vaccinated may have saved my life or at least a stay in the hospital.  On the plus side, we can get it again...ARGHHHHH!  WTF.  One of the tech's who had to come and fix our A/C that went out during this crap said he's had it three times!  WHAT!  Well, CRAP.

It's also been kind of crappy month family wise because I've lost a cousin and Saturday morning my Aunt Jane, one of my Daddy's sister's had a heart attack.  There are now only two precious aunts left.  Jerry, my cousin I used to babysit him and his little brother.  He had a heart attack too, but he had heart issues.  

Aunt Jane

Cousin Jerry in the front in the little red suit!

Moving Forward

Lots on my mind lately, weight loss, pain, family, possible surgery, retirement...

Yesterday was my baby's birthday, #36!  Somehow I do NOT feel that old but guess what, I AM!  I am 65 years old now and on MEDICARE!  Who let that time machine continue on and make me old.  In my heart I am still in my 30's at least but my body is certainly betraying me.  Last night I hurt, absolutely hurt.  My leg, not necessarily my hip but my leg hurt.  I think it has to do with the sciatic nerve and because my leg is shorter than the other one the muscles don't work as well and they are atrophying.  I honestly was in tears last night because it hurt all the way down my leg through my knee and just above the ankle, where I broke it at age 11.  Wondering if that nerve is caught there or something.  I finally got up and took a couple of Aleve and was able to dose back off until the alarm went off at 5.  Miserable, absolutely miserable last night and today is a bit rough because it even hurts to walk a bit and I have a lot to do because I'm having company tonight.  I have got to clean my kitchen and make some pie.  ARGHHHHHhh! 

This little recipe I developed after reading a few other recipes.  

(Oh, and the scale has been up because of TOO MUCH birthday celebrations but as of today it is back down to a loss of 16.8 pounds!!!)

Chicken Curry Salad (single serving)

Boneless/skinless Chicken breast

1/2 tsp (or more) Curry powder

1 tsp olive oil

Salt & pepper

Celery stalk, chopped

20 seedless grapes, halved

1 Tbls toasted pecan pieces or halves

1 Tbls mayonnaise

Preheat oven 350°. Rub oil over chicken and season with salt, pepper, and curry powder to taste. Roast 25-30 minutes till meat thermometer registers 165° internal temperature. When done let it set to cool a bit and chop celery and halve grapes. Toast pecans in 350° oven about 3-5 minutes. When chicken cools chop and add to bowl with the rest of the ingredients. Adjust seasonings to taste. Enjoy.

On to other things on my mind and it does relate to my age again.  I've been entering all these art competitions and shows trying to get in and all I'm doing is wasting my time and losing a lot of money because all I am getting in return are RED "X'S".  Turned down over and over again and it starts taking a hold on my mental health.  Then I begin to think I am going to quit this merry-go-round of entering and just give it up.  I watch a lot of artists do it, they paint, get in the shows, ship the paintings off and sometimes attend the shows but honestly, because of how my physical body is working I am not inclined to participate in that stuff anymore.  I really don't want to give up that desire but I am not seeing light at the end of this dark art tunnel.  I have tried and tried to no avail.  Don't you want to be accepted with your peers?  I certainly do, my art peers, but the constant denials are slapping me in the face and I'm too tired and in too much pain to deal with it right now.  Have I waited to late in life?  I'm afraid I have and that is such a sad thought for me.  I look at my art studio, which is a mess right now and don't see a point in continuing it all.  I'm just creating a lot of paintings that are gathering dust because I can't seem to sell much either and since the pandemic shows have stopped, local stuff.  If there are some I am just too sore and exhausted to try to schlep my stuff to the show.  It takes a lot of energy that I just don't have anymore.  I don't trust myself to be able to walk, let alone carry paintings to a show.  It's all I can do to get groceries inside the house.  

Plus we are still working, not me so much, but I am going into the office when needed and the job I do is needed.  I do invoicing, payroll, deposit checks, accounting...I am needed there and we are so close to being able to end it.  I don't have time to have hip surgery yet.  I need my hip done, my knee and I think my shoulder and none of it am I looking forward too, but it all may become a necessity, especially after last nights painfest!  The Hubby has set the end of the year for the closing our business doors, one way or another.  We find a buyer or we just close it down.  Originally it was June 1 of THIS YEAR, but obviously that didn't happen.  

A Hippy Tale

I have a tale to tell I guess.  I went to the orthopedic sports doctor a couple weeks ago to see about my hip and she told me that I needed to have it replaced, not later but ASAP.  I needed it because I was risking collapse if I didn't.  EGAD!!!  I was scared.  My sleep has been toss and turn and I've been extremely cautious taking any kind of step just in case.  I mean what do you do after a conversation like that.  I really don't have pain per se in my hip except when I sleep it sometimes is uncomfortable.  I know I don't have much cushion left but there's just not pain.  A lot of my issue is there is absolutely no tork left in my leg.  I can't twist it around and I can't sit with my legs crossed under me AT ALL.  The leg will not open up at all, yet there is not really pain involved.  Plus my leg is shorter.  It was already a tad shorter because it was the one I broke when I was 11 and it was 1-1/2" shorter after being in the casts for nearly 6 months.

So after a bit of research I found a surgeon I wanted to see and got a referral from my ortho doc and last Friday I got in.  I spent a week of sleepless nights, worry, wondering how I was going to manage 6-8 weeks of recovery in my house with needing to work.  I have to do payroll every two weeks and I was in a panic about how I was going to get it all accomplished.  By the time of the appointment with the surgeon on Friday I had come to terms that I could get it done and was ready to mark my calendar and get this over.  So Friday morning, 8 am I was sitting in a room after another set of x-ray's were taken waiting for the doctor.  He came in and didn't show me the x-ray's but proceeded to immediately address my weight and talk about the problem being an arthritic hip, that I had a bit of it in the other hip too.  But the conversation rolled around back to the weight and that until I lost the weight surgery was not going to happen because the healing would be difficult with drainage because of the "oily fat" involved.  Great, really.  I also asked him about the risk of collapse and he said that would not happen, that he had never seen that happen and speculated that the other doctor said it because of my weight but that unless I was hit by a car, would not happen.  That was a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders, but WAIT A MINUTE!  

Now that a few days have passed I'm getting more and more pissed at the arrogance of him.  I'm getting the impression he was fat judging me to an extent.  Yes, yes, I do need to lose weight and I'm going to try yet again to get it done because I know that at some point I WILL need to have the hip done and I had better lose the weight to help the recovery but I'm really pissed at him and at myself to let this happen.

Busy Life, Or Is It

This week was kind of free week for me.  I really didn't have to go into the office much, just step in to make a deposit or type a quick quote.  This meant I could go to my happy place, my studio.  Oh, forgot that Monday I did go to the chiropractor, my Daddy's and then a luncheon (ladies from my high school days!)  The luncheon was wonderful fun and even had one show up that had NOT BEEN BACK in 45 years!  It was awesome to see Jodi.  

You know as I looked at the calendar for the week I was incredibly busy.  Later that evening I picked up my studio partner and we attended the business part of one of our art groups.  I had book club this week, and we went to see Hamilton on Tuesday evening with friends.  OH MY GOODNESS, that was an awesome show.  More chiropractic visits and yesterday a visit to a orthopedic specialist in sports medicine.  You see, I'm having some issues with my shoulder.  I woke up one morning in June and could hardly lift my arm and the pain was excruciating.  The fear, as an artist, at that moment, was that it was rotator cuff.  I was having such an issue sketching even.  I've been dealing with the pain by taking Aleve, my trainer stretching me a lot, the chiropractor and massage therapy (my girl is AWESOME!)  It is better, but I needed to make sure it wasn't RC.  Yesterday I got in and they took tons and tons of x-ray's and the doctor (I LOVE HER) said it was NOT RC!!!!!  Hallelujah, BUT, I have some neck spongy disc issues.  For one thing my neck spine doesn't curve the right way, the exact opposite and with some of the discs deteriorating a bit she suspicions a pinched nerve and bursa inflammation.  So the first course of action is to continue chiropractic, massage, stretching and now steroids on board and something (can't remember the name) for the pinched nerve.  We're going to watch it until I get back from LA next month and proceed if it isn't any better with higher dosages or injections.  YIKES! 

The good thing is I did step away from the sketching and started applying some paint.  Long ways to go on this one and I will continue on with my self portrait series.  

You know looking at this photo reminds me how very young I was.  This was taken at The Hubby's house in the front yard, where he grew up.  It was summer and we were dating.  It was probably July or August and from the rumpled look, well, use your imagination!  We were young and in love and getting married in a few months.  I don't know why I like this picture but I do.  It just reminds me of being in love, young and seeing a new future ahead for me, one that I did not see on the horizon a few months earlier.  I still had an innocence in my look, yet not.  I was on the doorstep to a new future.  

Foggy Days

Foggy days...yes that is me today.  I've been dealing with an increasingly sore knee for some time now but the past couple of weeks I'm in agony.  A lot of standing and waiting at the hospital put me over the top with pain so I finally called my internist and saw him yesterday.  He immediately had them book me to see a specialist this morning and in the meantime he gave me a prescription for hydrocodone.  I have been under the impression for over 30 years now that I could not tolerate any kind of codiene medicine so I have not taken it.  I get so very ill, usually, but I said okay I will try it again.  I was desparate to end the pain that I'm dealing with constantly.  So, last night I popped that mighty pill in my mouth and waited to see if anything happened.  What happened is that I slept.  You see sleeping has been an issue because the pain, in any position, does not stop.  I slept HARD, so hard that I could not wake up this morning.  I had the doctor appointment at 9 am and I threw myself out of bed at 8:30, gulped a cup of coffee and the hair in a ponytail and rushed out the door.  I was still in a fog until lunch with The Hubby when suddenly I saw sunlight.  Well, we know that stuff works for the pain and sleeping but I will only be taking it on the weekends.  Sheesh!

The ortho doc took x-rays and determined that I have a torn cartilidge in my knee and will confirm with an MRI and then arthroscopic surgery to take care of my issue.  I knew I had a problem when every dance turn I had pain but the pain had been increasingly worse and worse till one time I felt a kind of snap, pop, PAIN.  That was it a few months ago and now this.