Feeling It

Yes I am feeling it again. This morning I am feeling the loss.  The other day my niece posted a pic on Instagram, on the stories of sister, Dana.  It just flashed up on the screen of my phone as I was scrolling, a photo of Dana and she said it had been 6 months since she left this corporeal world.  It was like a slap in the face to see it and took my breath for a second or two.  

As we are deep in the Christmas season, as with many, I am feeling the loss of family.  Friday Bro and I had lunch, a sort of monthly thing.  It was so nice to see him and just talk.  He feels it too.  We only lost Daddy about 3 years ago and now Dana so we are both in the depths of mourning still.  It's still too fresh.  

Momma's been gone I think 18 years now, and it does get better, I know because it's not as painful when I think of her, but Daddy and Dana, well, it's fresh.  

She made me crazy sometimes but I miss her, I miss her cussing, I miss her passion for anything.  

I'm glad the sun is shining this morning.  I need it.  I need it to lift my spirits.  Tomorrow we will attend a memorial for the son of a dear friend.  He took his own life.  She lost her grandson and husband in the spring and I do not know how she can push through, but I know she will.  It is tough.  It will be tough on me and I may break.  Sometimes it just comes over me when I least expect it.  The other night as The Hubby and I were leaving to head to the bank party I was telling him about going to have lunch with Bro and the conversation went to Dana.  I told him Bro and I are feeling it.  He said, "I know I haven't asked in awhile, but, how are you doing."  He hasn't asked in awhile.  I told him that she did drive me crazy a lot but she was my sister and I loved her.  He said, "well of course."  

There are instances when I want to text her and I have to stop myself.  I STILL want to call Momma and just talk.  Bro and I talked about missing Daddy, even though the last few years he DROVE US MAD!  We miss the old fart. 

Much like missing the past, the memories that fill my mind, our childhood, our lives.  I'm just feeling it today.