Mindless Thoughts

Today I'm sitting at my desk having some mindless thoughts. Well, maybe not so mindless. I'm pretty excited about the weekend with "My Girls". We're having a "NO-YES" Weekend. "NO-YES" means: No kids, No hubbies, No pets, No phone calls that can mess up a day, no worries, yes martini's, yes giggling, yes face masks and nail polish, yes late night dancing, yes just girl talk all night long. It is so much fun and reminds me of slumber parties a thousand years ago.

Wow, now all the workers are out working and I'm left alone here again to do nothing till this evening. I will do payroll tonight so I can BE GONE tomorrow....!!!!! My mind is flitting about so fast I can't even take time to write it all down. I'm getting to start planning my BIG Christmas party so I need to call the caterer. My youngest kidlet is coming home from LA on Sunday for 10 days and her father is excited but wary of 10 days with the messiest girl in the whole world. While she is home were are going to Woodward Park for family pic's of which we haven't had done in 10 years. Boy have we changed in that time. I also got to meet the oldest kidlet's new boyfriend and I'm excited for her. She is really giddy about him. It's fun to see that in her. I also need to finish my grocery list for the "NO-YES" weekend. OH...I have to go get a van tag before the end of the month and I HATE to go to the tag office. Oh well, maybe I'll just go Monday and be done with it a little late. Yeah, that's the ticket.

My mind, my mind, my mind. All this confusion in my skull is probably because Mother Nature decided to grace herself upon me this morning. Probably explains the previous blogs of desperation I was having. I'm feeling better now and am planning some things to make myself feel better. I haven't told "The Hubby" yet but I'm cleaning up my desk area and plan by the end of the year to get a whole new desk. I was in school full time while we had a secretary who set up the whole office thing several years ago so it hasn't got the me touch to it. I'm going to do it. Surprise.

OH MY GOODNESS my thoughts are all over the page today. It helps to write this all down though and well it might help if my HORMONES were not flying everywhere today.!!!!!!!.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I feel better...a little crazy but better.

My Daddy and Victoria

Today my sister and I took my Daddy to the mall. My sis needed a new bra so here we go to Victoria's Secret. Boy what a hoot. Daddy standing around the store looking at bras and lace panties was hysterical. Then Dana made her way to a Express to look at pants and I went to Coldwater Creek. He was a trooper and was patient till we went to the gourmet cooking utensil store and found a sampler of Jack Daniel's coffee and Southern Comfort coffee. He's so funny. He's now making sounds about taking a cross country drive to see his half-sister. My Bro and I and are OK with the idea but Sis is having a really hard time dealing with it. I convinced her that he needed to do it to retrace trips he and Mother used to make all the time. He will be OK and honestly I'm ready to stop worrying about stuff.

Tomorrow my oldest daughter, B will be 27 years old. How did I get so old. I can not believe that little peanut I brought home and worried how I could take care of is going to be 27. Time passes so very fast and they grow up so incredibly fast. All the fun play time, not sleeping, giggles, bath times, basketball games, Camp Fire, homework, graduation...it all goes by so fast that you can't believe it has really passed. Happy Birthday B. I hope you have a great weekend at the cabin...Love Moma

I did some yelling.

This morning, rather 3 am I awoke and had to rid myself of 4 pomegranate martinis. When I rolled over, oh my head, oh the pain. My, my, my I musn't do that again, at least for a week or two. Feeling this way really set me up to spill my guts to The Hubby.

I'm here at the office typing up the quotes he said he HAD to have out Monday, of which I wasn't given while I was in the office till 3:45 pm. I took yesterday/Tuesday off since I didn't get to have my couple of days in peace at the cabin. At least I tried to take yesterday off. I had to wait at the house for the Appliance Guy to come replace the beverage center sometime between 1-4 (of which he didn't show) and then the Insurance Guy to bring the new policy by between 11-2. So you see my peace and quiet wasn't going to be found at home either. This doesn't count the phone calls from "The Hubby" during the day. We then got back into the thing about coming back into the office Monday to do that paycheck and I said that why did he call me just to let me know when it could have waited. WHY, WHY, WHY! He kind of shuffled off mumbling.

Back to taking it out on The Hubby. I voiced my anger at not being able to take a couple of days off and of course he turns it back around on me saying he would like to be able to do that too. He said that if he takes off a couple of days it has to be advance planning to line the guys out, etc, etc, etc. WHATEVER! I had to throw back to him his trip to Africa on Safari last year for 2-1/2 F---ing WEEKS! He was saying he was feeling trapped but I had to keep the upper hand. I told him I was in a RUT!!!!! A rut of a windowless office EVERYDAY. Four gray walls (literally) with no people interaction except the phone and the stinky construction guys (employees) I see. I needed a break. He tried to over do me but I wasn't having any of it. (Man my head hurts).

He said he didn't understand my wanting to have a biggy like the Africa trip too but my goodness I certainly didn't get my spa trip for my 50th like he got Africa because of Mom. He said then make it happen, but I can't till at least next spring or summer and I need space NOW!!!

Oh, I know I'm rambling but I've got to win this one for the girls. We have to keep our dominion over men. HAHAHAHAHA. (As I twirl my estrogen mustache).

What Part of "I WANT TO BE ALONE" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!

As in previous posts I have made it known I've been having a hard time with things, so I wanted to get away to the wonderful lake place and just be alone for a few days since the spa thing is on hold. Well, I put my plan in action and it bombed. Saturday afternoon I finally loaded my car and hit the road not to return till Tuesday, today, late. And here I sit back home. Weekends at the cabin are pretty busy visiting so I knew my alone time would have to start late Sunday and then for the next couple of days.

Monday morning I awoke to a crisp morning as I had slept with the windows open. The birds twittered. The drops of leftover rain from the tree leaves hit the tin roof occasionally. I was throughly enjoying the quiet morning. Then all of a sudden more sounds came crashing through the window. The sound of air hammers, saws and workers shouting at each other. I forgot that two of the cabins on our arc of the drive were being remodeled. OH MY GOSH! I could have stayed at the office and listened to that. Oh well, I decided to fix my coffee and sit on the screened porch and make the best of the time I had.

9 am and the phone rang. I shouldn't have answered it. I should have let it just ring on and on and on. It was The Hubby/Boss. He just had to call to tell me about a problem with a payroll check that could have waited till I got back in the office on Wednesday. I told him I would be in on Tuesday to fix it. I was pissed. So I hung up and fumed that he didn't need to call to tell me that but he "just wanted me to know." Yeah right. He just couldn't stand bugging me and making his presence known. So I sit and again try to enjoy a book and my coffee but I'm so mad and my mind couldn't quit thinking I needed to get in the office and fix it. ARGGHHHGHHHHHH!! Why did he do it. Then I couldn't stand all the noise too so I began packing up to leave, very angrily.

I went straight to the office and picked up messages and of course there were two extremely important ones I knew he needed so I called him. He was surprised I was back, Why. I said, "someone intruded on my away time." He said, "I guess it's all my fault." YOU THINK! Man, he doesn't get it. I slammed stuff around all day long and didn't even eat lunch I was so mad. I decided I would catch up and then stay home on Tuesday. I would not answer the phone I would just do what I wanted to do. HAHAHAHAHa. I guess I don't get it.

9 am and the phone rings. I wasn't feeling well this morning anyway because of a UTI so he asked how I was feeling. (OH, I forgot. Since I planned on staying here and not be bothered and I had not told him last night of this plan, well, he had to tell me that the appliance guy would be by, trading out the beverage center that was broken and would here between 11 and 4. Then the insurance guy (one of those weight jerks) called and he will be here between 11 and 1.) OK, now back to 9 am and the phone rings. It was him checking up on me and then he proceeded to ask me to come into the office, he has some stuff that needs to go out. He had them ready yesterday but didn't give them to me. I blew. I said, "I thought since I didn't get my quiet time I would stay home today." Oh, he was sorry, nevermind. I'M PISSED.

You would think I still had little bitty kiddos running around so that my time is not my own but no I have a big kiddo that can't seem to let me have space. What is a girl to do. I've tried. I guess I will have to go ahead and make that spa reservation anyway. It might be in December at this point. I'm going crazy.

My Daddy

My Daddy - isn't he cute! His favorite pastime.

Rock Star

OK. I think they made the right choice of the two that were left. Dilana, if chosen would have totally overshadowed the band with her "her". I REALLY loved her rendition of "Roxanne" on Tuesday night. It was really awesome.

I'm kind of glad Big Bro and Rock Star are over but here I am gearing up with new stuff. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Survivor was really good and I don't care what people say about the "racial stuff." Nobody was screaming last year when there were tribes of old men, young men, old women, young women. I think it will be really interesting "science" experiment to watch.

Well, I think it is just the wine I'm drinking making me ramble like this. I'm bored. Sitting Friday night watching nothing on TV, The Hubby is snoring on the couch, and I'm NOT sitting on my screened in porch at the lake reading and sipping wine. Although the wine is freely flowing here at home.

Hmmmmmmm!

Well, I don't know what to think about my last posting just a few hours ago. I think I'm just having a bad day. I sat in the drive thru at the bank waiting for my depost slip back and I felt tears roll down my face. I must be PMS'ing or something. I can't seem to get out of the doldrums today. The day started off good but somewhere at the lonely office it happened. Could be that I sit in a windowless office, at a very messy desk, waiting for the phone to ring (which it only rang 3 times today), doing nothing! Yes that could be it. I think I need to change my wallpaper on my computer screen because it is of my family, my mother and father and the rest of us last year at their 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration. That could be a big clue to the sadness I am feeling right now in my life. I want to go out to dinner. I want to have people come over to my house and just laugh with me. I want to go somewhere. I want, I want, I want.....I don't know. I just can't do this anymore today. I've got to shake it off.

Time To Myself

I know this sounds weird but I have been trying to get time to myself ever since Momma left us. I just need some space and The Hubby seems to think that this is the time he needs to be close. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!! I work in our business with him, I live with him, we go to the lake place together, we sit at home in the evenings ALONE together. I need space!!!!!!! I never got to go the spa week or two for my big 50 this year and I'm so looking into doing that. I feel like I'm just going to explode if I don't get a break. I'm bored with my life. I'm bored with the marriage...yes I said that. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my Hubby but I need some time to think. I don't want to be like my parents and at the end of Momma's time they ONLY had each other and us kids. I want friends around. I feel like Momma and Daddy were so alone. I know Daddy was and is now. I know it is contradicting to think I need time to myself yet want friends. It's just that I need time to process all that has happened this year and yet I NEED social outlets too. Maybe I need to talk to someone (if you know what I mean). I don't know. I'm just bored. I've hit burnout at the office and don't want to be there or even be around any of it. I can't quit because it is a partnership with The Hubby and it's our livelihood. Maybe I need a side business or project or something....something..............................Can't wait till girls weekend though. That will be nice.

What a Weekend

Labor Day Weekend....Well I definitely took those words to heart and did not labor at all. I sat in my chair on my wonderful screened in porch at the lake and read all weekend long. I started and finished a great book that I highly recommend..."A Year of Pleasures" by Elizabeth Berg. It's a great book club read. I sat in my chair and watched The Hubby get his Hasty Bake all ready for the great CC BBQ Cookoff. There were three areas for him to enter...chicken, beef and pork. He won beef and pork. So now he has three trophies (he won last year). Let me tell you his head is huge. He is SOOOOOO proud of himself. He cooked and cleaned up all of his mess so I had to do nothing ALL weekend. It was wonderful.