A Hippy Tale

I have a tale to tell I guess.  I went to the orthopedic sports doctor a couple weeks ago to see about my hip and she told me that I needed to have it replaced, not later but ASAP.  I needed it because I was risking collapse if I didn't.  EGAD!!!  I was scared.  My sleep has been toss and turn and I've been extremely cautious taking any kind of step just in case.  I mean what do you do after a conversation like that.  I really don't have pain per se in my hip except when I sleep it sometimes is uncomfortable.  I know I don't have much cushion left but there's just not pain.  A lot of my issue is there is absolutely no tork left in my leg.  I can't twist it around and I can't sit with my legs crossed under me AT ALL.  The leg will not open up at all, yet there is not really pain involved.  Plus my leg is shorter.  It was already a tad shorter because it was the one I broke when I was 11 and it was 1-1/2" shorter after being in the casts for nearly 6 months.

So after a bit of research I found a surgeon I wanted to see and got a referral from my ortho doc and last Friday I got in.  I spent a week of sleepless nights, worry, wondering how I was going to manage 6-8 weeks of recovery in my house with needing to work.  I have to do payroll every two weeks and I was in a panic about how I was going to get it all accomplished.  By the time of the appointment with the surgeon on Friday I had come to terms that I could get it done and was ready to mark my calendar and get this over.  So Friday morning, 8 am I was sitting in a room after another set of x-ray's were taken waiting for the doctor.  He came in and didn't show me the x-ray's but proceeded to immediately address my weight and talk about the problem being an arthritic hip, that I had a bit of it in the other hip too.  But the conversation rolled around back to the weight and that until I lost the weight surgery was not going to happen because the healing would be difficult with drainage because of the "oily fat" involved.  Great, really.  I also asked him about the risk of collapse and he said that would not happen, that he had never seen that happen and speculated that the other doctor said it because of my weight but that unless I was hit by a car, would not happen.  That was a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders, but WAIT A MINUTE!  

Now that a few days have passed I'm getting more and more pissed at the arrogance of him.  I'm getting the impression he was fat judging me to an extent.  Yes, yes, I do need to lose weight and I'm going to try yet again to get it done because I know that at some point I WILL need to have the hip done and I had better lose the weight to help the recovery but I'm really pissed at him and at myself to let this happen.