Daddy - 1935-2020

Daddy

8-4-1935 to 9-21-2020

The siblings...Aunt Sharon on the left and Aunt Jane on the right are in intense battles for their lives right now too.

Will miss his intenseness and passion for family.

His sis, Dee who left us a few years ago.

Oh what a handsome guy.

Now you can be with Momma again.  Give her a hug and a kiss for us.

 

LIFE'S UPS AND DOWNS

Good morning all.  It's been a few since I've posted.  What can I tell you, I've been busy. Between work (end of the month, 1st of the month stuff), painting, watching granddaughters, doctor appointments and Daddy stuff life has been busy.

We did scoot off to the cabin for a bit of R&R and the entire place is glorious.  I just makes my heart sing to be there and away from LIFE!

Summer is nearing the end and I want to soak up all I can of the green and warmth before fall and cold hit.  If I've not said before I HATE THE COLD!

I believe these sweet purple flowers are called Lady Thumbs and were full of bees, wasps and tons of butterflies.

My entire body just hurts when it's cold, but I do look forward to using the new outdoor fireplace at the cabin a lot this fall.  

In town this week we had a bit of rain and these clouds I captured stepping out of my car at the office.  Just splendid aren't they, and all of these photos may become a painting in the future.

I did manage to finish these two this week but it was mostly go in for 30 minutes and dab and run.  It has not been easy to complete a painting lately.  My time has been so ragged and I will explain in a bit.

"Summer Harvest" 10x30 oil on gallery wrap

"Trapped" 18x24 oil on linen (self portrait)

Now this guy.  My Daddy.  He's had a busy few weeks.  His nephews wife, Vickie, came to visit.  His nephew passed away a couple of years ago.  Right after Momma died Daddy went to visit them in Arizona where his half-sister Dee lived with Dennis and Vickie.  Daddy stayed for 6 months with them and LOVED every minute of it.  Vickie took great care of him, even though he ended up in the hospital with pneumonia while there!  Anyway, Vickie decided to do a cross-country vacation in her RV, by herself to visit friends and Daddy and the family was on her agenda.  I can't say I was too happy that she would be staying with him but it is what it is and Daddy was too excited to have her visit.  After her visit and she was on her way Daddy fell last weekend.  She was already in Texas but he called her, not my brother, sister or I.  He finally called my brother who went over and checked on him.  He was fine except a bark on his arm.  She proceeded to question our care of him.  Truly, he has been just fine until about a week ago.  I have thought he looked a bit jaundice and brother took him to the doctor and he has hepatitis A!!!  Good grief.  Would probably not be a problem because you get over it with no meds BUT, Daddy has cirrhosis of the liver.  The doctor did say he need to drink water, lots of water and I guarantee he is not doing that.  In fact Daddy has a new addiction, Pepsi.  He grew up with Pepsi being a staple in his household and he has reverted to drinking gallons of it.  I'm sure that is not helping his liver.

Dehydration can lead to memory issues and confusion and now Daddy is having some of that and he fell again last night.  He knew that my sis and I were out of town but who did he call, ME!  I called my brother and he ran over to check on Daddy.  We are not too sure if we should respond to these phone calls because he told brother yesterday, before the fall, that he had fallen in the bathroom but when brother questioned it he said, "well, I almost fell."  He exaggerates a lot, cries wolf so we are leary of the dire phone calls.  

Today is my turn to go over and check on him.  Honestly, I'm so afraid to even walk in the door, afraid he will be gone or in such trouble I will have to call 911.  He told my sister last week that he would not let Carla, me put him in a nursing home again.  Oh boy, that last time it WASN'T ME, it was the doctor, I had nothing to do with it but in his mind I'm the bad guy.  In fact, every time he has been in the nursing home/skilled nursing care was the doctors call, NOT ME!  Frankly, he can't even afford to be in a nursing home.  I'm not sure what we can do for him.  The doctor might be able to order home health care, we hope.  If he can make it to Wednesday, his next doctor appointment we pray that is what happens at this point.  Not sure what we are going to be able to do.  I've been tossing and turning most of the night and am weary in my mind with worry with all the stuff we need to do, can do, can't do, what to do, etc.  It is endless worry and I feel my blood pressure going up as I type.  

After the ordeal with mother and being with her as she gasped her last breath, saying my name, I just want to RUN AWAY and hide.  I don't want to do this again.  It took me three years to get over the depression that hung like a black cloud over me after mother died.  I just feel on the edge of breaking down right now.  I'm holding it all back because I'm afraid I won't be able to get hold of myself.  Losing a parent, especially a belligerent parent is rough.  Plus I worry what we would do money wise, what to do with his kitty, the house, etc.  His Susie cat I always said I would take but I'm not going to.  I hope we will be able to get her into Street Cats and find her a great home.  I just can't take her.  We already have Clayton and he's beginning to be a handful with his age, peeing issues, and when we are away from him he has separation anxiety issues lately.  

There is so much going on and with Covid hanging over us too it's going to be tough how we handle all this.  If you read this please, PLEASE say some prayers, send good vibes, anything that we muddle through this journey.  

 

Weekends of Fun

A couple of weekends ago we went to the cabin and daughter #1 came up with one of their dogs and our sweet Snicklefritz.  Her Hubby stayed in town to care for their elderly dog, my darling Mondo.

It was a spectacular weekend and the creek was finally swimable for everyone.

Last weekend daughter #2 came up with her hubby and our precious Min-Min.  She is nearly 11 months old, taking a few tentative steps and gives out hugs willingly.  Oh my, I so love my grandbabies.

The creek was still perfect for a quick dip in the coldness and it was Min-Min's first time.  She LOVED it.  The mornings were also absolutely chilly and I was able to have a fire to warm myself, wait, it's August in Oklahoma, there is something wrong with that statement.  Oh well, it was wonderful.

And it is still so green, IN AUGUST!!!

Poor dead trees, the result of a lot of flooding the past couple of years.

Monarch alert!!!

Oh, these babies have my absolute heart.  Love them so very much.

 

A Hippy Tale

I have a tale to tell I guess.  I went to the orthopedic sports doctor a couple weeks ago to see about my hip and she told me that I needed to have it replaced, not later but ASAP.  I needed it because I was risking collapse if I didn't.  EGAD!!!  I was scared.  My sleep has been toss and turn and I've been extremely cautious taking any kind of step just in case.  I mean what do you do after a conversation like that.  I really don't have pain per se in my hip except when I sleep it sometimes is uncomfortable.  I know I don't have much cushion left but there's just not pain.  A lot of my issue is there is absolutely no tork left in my leg.  I can't twist it around and I can't sit with my legs crossed under me AT ALL.  The leg will not open up at all, yet there is not really pain involved.  Plus my leg is shorter.  It was already a tad shorter because it was the one I broke when I was 11 and it was 1-1/2" shorter after being in the casts for nearly 6 months.

So after a bit of research I found a surgeon I wanted to see and got a referral from my ortho doc and last Friday I got in.  I spent a week of sleepless nights, worry, wondering how I was going to manage 6-8 weeks of recovery in my house with needing to work.  I have to do payroll every two weeks and I was in a panic about how I was going to get it all accomplished.  By the time of the appointment with the surgeon on Friday I had come to terms that I could get it done and was ready to mark my calendar and get this over.  So Friday morning, 8 am I was sitting in a room after another set of x-ray's were taken waiting for the doctor.  He came in and didn't show me the x-ray's but proceeded to immediately address my weight and talk about the problem being an arthritic hip, that I had a bit of it in the other hip too.  But the conversation rolled around back to the weight and that until I lost the weight surgery was not going to happen because the healing would be difficult with drainage because of the "oily fat" involved.  Great, really.  I also asked him about the risk of collapse and he said that would not happen, that he had never seen that happen and speculated that the other doctor said it because of my weight but that unless I was hit by a car, would not happen.  That was a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders, but WAIT A MINUTE!  

Now that a few days have passed I'm getting more and more pissed at the arrogance of him.  I'm getting the impression he was fat judging me to an extent.  Yes, yes, I do need to lose weight and I'm going to try yet again to get it done because I know that at some point I WILL need to have the hip done and I had better lose the weight to help the recovery but I'm really pissed at him and at myself to let this happen.

"Hip-Hip-Hooray"

Good morning and another day has passed still hunkering down with the virus holding a gigantic umbrella over the world.  Life must go on with a few smiles and laughter though and I choose to do it with granddbaby smiles and hugs.  I've had Snicklefritz yet again this week and we've spent a lot of time playing Uno and Connect 4 together.  I did stop by and see this little dumpling and get a few giggles out of her.

I tell you grandbabies are the best thing EVER!

Sitting with Snicklefritz while she ate her breakfast yesterday I decided to do a bit of sketching.  I've painted and drawn her picture many times but haven't done MinMin yet.  Her momma sent this pic and I thought it would be so cute to sketch and maybe watercolor it later.

I've had a bit of disturbing news and will share here.  I'm getting ready to go down a path I vowed NEVER, EVER to go down but I really have no choice in the matter at this point.

I've been having issues for quite some time with my hip/leg/groin area and prayed, PRAYED it would not mean what I thought it might mean.  Tuesday I went to my sports medicine orthopedic doctor that I saw for my shoulder a year ago and they did tons of x-ray's.  Well, my path is now clear according to the x-ray's, I need a hip replacement.  Damn, Damn, DAMMIT!  After Daddy's fiasco with his I just did not want to go down this road.  Now I have to find a surgeon and see what my options are, what it all entails, how long will I be laid up, etc... you know the drill.  I always said that I would be crawling before I would do this and frankly, I'm nearly crawling.  Plus the doctor told me to not wait to long because if I wait too long I risk the whole thing collapsing!  WTF!  Well, crap.  Her parting words were, "Be Careful!"  CRAP!  I've put the word out for doctor names, specifically robotic procedure doctors because I want the less invasive I can get.  

My worries at this point are work and the studio.  I'm the only one who does payroll and all of the accounting and will have to work it so I can manage being out of the office for that time.  Heck, if I can do the 6 week recovery for the hysterectomy I can do this I think and it's my left leg so driving will be sooner than later, I hope.  

I HATE GETTING OLD!

Embracing the Gray

I am FINALLY done.  I finished it this afternoon after another 4-1/2 hours spent.  I am happy with it and plan on entering it in the Portrait Society something that is coming up.

"Carla - Embracing the Gray"

18x24 oil on linen

Plein Air - Portrait learning

Good morning all.  I have been in a bit of a funk since last Friday.  I was turned down yet again for membership in Women Artist of the West for like the 6th time.  I don't understand.  I've talked to several members who can't understand it either and keep encouraging me to try again, and again, and again.  My partner, Linda was turned down again too and she has won 3 national awards.  Not sure what they want from us.  Maybe it's for the best as membership might entail actual work that I really don't want to do.  Linda seems to think we are being black-balled but I kind of don't think that, but we have gotten on the wrong side of one person who is a member, soooo... Oh it can't be.  Although another person we know got in and we were a bit baffled by that entry but we know SHE knows some people in the organization...

Oh it can make you CRAZY!  

But, this morning I opened up one of the art show websites that you enter from and yet again found out that my paintings were denied entry into the online show.  Tomorrow I will find out about another one but it doesn't look promising.  Frankly, I'm getting tired of seeing RED-X's.  I'm thinking of changing my style up a bit...just a thought.  

A few weeks ago I decided to participate in a Plein Air national event.  I know Plein Air (painting outside), not really my cup of tea.  I just figured I would never have gone to the convention so it was an opportunity to learn about en plein air without being outside painting.  So today starts the beginner talks online and tomorrow starts the online convention for real.  I'm excited to extend my art education in this field.  I think today I will paint at the studio while listening to the talk.  I was even able to upload one of my paintings for a possible critique.  Yesterday I also received a huge box of the "goodies" you would normally receive if you attended.  It was packed with paints, a brush, two hats, apron, t-shirt, popcorn, candy, and more.  So fun!!!  

Plus this morning I signed up for the Portrait Society of America webinar in August.  Another week of painting learning.  Can't wait!  I've been working on this one again...

One eye sort of done...

I Want My Life Back

Good morning all.  I guess life is going to continue to be just plain weird with this Covid thing.  I'm really over it but it's not over with us as humans.  Kind of a boring life around here.  I get up, have my coffee, breakfast, check my emails, watch a few videos on YouTube, go to work or the work-studio.  Pay bills, pay Daddy's bills, back home for a power nap, fix dinner, watch TV, play a little online gin, read a bit, then to bed to wake up the next morning and start ALL OVER AGAIN!  

At least I do have the studio to go to and paint.  That has been a lifesaver for sure.  These little flowers appeared on my canvas last week.  I'd started them while staying at home and wasn't really sure they would amount to anything, but they did and I am so happy.  

We've still not seen my mother-in-law yet, although the oldest brother-in-law did visit her with mask on and outside. Now we hear that 12 of the staff there have tested positive.  THAT IS SCARY for her and for us for her!  Really, if the young and the other IDIOTS would wear a mask maybe we could get this thing at bay and could go on with life, sort of as usual.  I'm still trying not to watch too much news or the Facebook news (I think that is a bit skewed.)  I guess I choose to stay a bit naive about it all.  As long as I can still order my stuff from the grocery stores, Amazon, etc., then I'm perfectly happy doing what I am doing.  I just want to get through the year to next summer when we officially RETIRE!!!!!  

Also in the studio I decided to go back to the self portrait stuff.

I keep looking at what I've done and it just makes me crazy that I may have messed it up.  I've go so many drawn on canvas and ready to paint but I'm just blocked and afraid to carry on. 

I started this one and my studio partner, Linda, who is a portrait queen said you should NEVER use burnt umber in portraits!  Well, crap.  That stopped my in my tracks as that is exactly what I did.  I am NOT mad at her for helping me, she critiqued my work as I critique hers.  That is what we do for each other and it is INVALUABLE for help in progressing forward in our art journey.  

So, I put it aside for months just staring at it and contemplating what to do, how to do it.  Then I remembered a technique called the Zorn Palette.  It utilizes only four colors:  titanium white, black, cadmium red light, and yellow ochre.  You can get TONS of different colors using only these four colors.  Yesterday I got them out and played with the palette.  EUREKA!  I am so very pleased that it is coming together, finally.  I really want to go back to the studio today but Linda will be there and I have little Snicklefritz with me.  Linda is afraid of being around other people right now or exposing Snicklefritz to anything.  She is teaching students and is around people and I understand that.  I would keep Snicklefritz in my rooms only but still not sure I want to do it.  So probably will opt to stay home.  I'm just thrilled I'm making headway to tackle my problem here.  Maybe I will get to finally finish all those paintings for a show next year.  Oh, and on that note we WERE going to have a show at the Broken Arrow Museum but with the virus we decided to cancel it.  No sense in having an art show when NO ONE CAN COME TO IT!  

Cooking Memories

1967, I turned 11 years old and for my birthday my granny gave me my first cookbook. My brother, sister and I often made something out of it for our parents usually on Sunday evenings for dinner and then we would have some kind of a performance for them. The recipes are SUPER simplified. I happened to have a fairly damaged bag of potato chips and it made me remember the potato chip chicken recipe and thought I would relive my childhood a bit. It was pretty good I must say. Here's to memories

See it's in my lap. This was my birthday and our cousin Vicki came to celebrate with us.

And the creamed corn is homemade, from freshly shucked corn!  Yup, I can cook!

Happy Blogiversary

Guess what today is...I almost forgot myself.  Yup, 14 years ago today I was sitting at our office, bored out of my mind, thinking about my momma.  She was closing in on the end of her life at that moment and I was also closing in on a deep depression that would keep me in a funk for about 3 years.  Luckily I found art, creating art again and I found myself in the process.  So happy blogiversary to me my friends, I'm happy to still be around, happy and able to share here for my friends to understand a little about me.  

Fathers Day and Birthday's

Yesterday we celebrated all the fathers out there, especially those in our family.  I first went to see my daddy and wish him Happy Fathers Day.  He is definitely getting older and a bit more frail but he's a tough old boot who loves his television shows (The Walton's Gunsmoke, Big Valley, etc.,) his sweet cat Susie and mowing the lawn.  

Later in the day we had the first Fathers Day celebration with our little family.  It was a first for the newest son-in-law.  We had vegan baked ziti and salad, which I must say was devine and a strawberry trifle.  I was so full I thought I would burst.  We enjoyed just hanging and watching old videos of my 30th surprise birthday party that included playing Twister.  Oh my, wish I had that body again.  Life could not be better for me right now.

Today we celebrate Af's 35th birthday.  I cannot, CANNOT believe my baby is 35 years old today.  Where did the years go.  I'm just so very happy to have my family close by now, especially during these days in the world.  I can take a breath of contentment.  

Happy Birthday my lovely, you are the sunshine of my life.

Birthday Dinner and More

Birthday food!  Yes this was my birthday dinner at the newly revamped Wild Fork in Utica Square.  I tried to get reservations at Amelia's downtown, but they were booked solid.  For my birthday I wanted to go to a restaurant and ORDER OFF A MENU!  It wasn't our first time out to eat since all the lock down stuff but the other places were small lunch places, this was BIRTHDAY DINNER! It was a great birthday all the way around. 

This week started off with a workshop.  Finally, a workshop.  The last one that was scheduled was for May with Patrick Saunders, and was canceled because of Covid-19.  I was in great need to be with other artists and learn.  (We all were masked during the workshop!)  Luckily my friend and incredible artist (one of the top in the field in the US), Derek Penix had one.  My studio partner, Linda is better friends with Derek and always enlists her to help him set up workshops in Tulsa, so I was able to jump right in.  This may be his last one in Tulsa as his entire family has moved to California and in fact this workshop was on his way out of town.  Derek can be a bit manic in the delivery of his knowledge he has to share with you, but well worth it.  He is absolutely amazing to watch and to listen too.  I was able to get this little Indigo Bunting finished in his class and posted it on Facebook and Instagram later in the evening.  I had three people interested in purchasing it and sold it to one of our cabin friends for a birthday present (they don't read this blog.)  So I know he is going to a loving home.  

Watching Derek paint his famous peaches is just something to see.  He starts out so very abstract with swooshes and swipes and all of a sudden, peaches start appearing.  

I own four Derek Penix paintings and now count this latest one as mine too...FIVE, I own.   

OMG...I love this one and he was hesitant on letting it go because it was one of his favorites, but now, it's MINE!