The Final Goodbye

This lady, oh this lady will be sorely missed.  The past couple of days have been a whirlwind of activity as we prepared to bid our final farewells.  Yesterday was her funeral and a beautiful funeral it was.  The boys, her boys put it all together and picked out the flowers, her outfit and coffin.  It was stunning and she looked beautiful.  Lots of pink.  Pink coffin, pink dress and the coffin spray were pink and dark pink roses that draped over the lid.  She would have been so very pleased.  

The boys spoke, each sharing a story showing her strength, tenacity, her drive to protect and survive.  They were funny stories and showed us how she was always able to smile even though she struggled to take care of those rowdy boys and raise them up to be the wonderful men they are today.  

Our two girls each spoke eloquently about their beloved Mimi.  Their words made me so proud.  Their bond with their Mimi was evident in their words and the love they espoused brought me to tears.  It was just a beautiful service to celebrate the life and an amazing woman.  

After the service everyone was invited to come to our house to share a meal of one of her favorites, spaghetti and lasagna.  I ordered Olive Garden and it was delivered hot and yummy.  The food was devoured as everyone enjoyed visiting from near and far.  Cousins flew in and it ended up being a mini reunion.  How wonderful to see everyone and tell the stories we loved most about this mighty woman.  

So now, we carry on, disperse her belongings to family and tidy up the loose ends of her life.  We will share tears and stories as the hearts heal a bit more everyday.  For me it has reopened that last wound so fresh from losing Daddy so recently.  I may not have sobbed but I've cried silent tears for the losses.  She was a mother to me and I feel that loss.  The past couple of nights I wake up to make one of my many trips to the bathroom but getting back to sleep takes a couple of hours because she is all I think of.  Her last moments of happiness seem to be on my mind a lot.  Last night I told The Hubby that I have two last memories of her but I chose to discard one and keep the other.  

That fateful day, Easter Sunday the one I toss aside is the moment of the stroke.  I, instead remember her sitting at the kitchen table at lunch eating her plate of ham, potato salad, green beans, shoving it all together with her beloved roll into a lump, never minding if it is all mixed up.  That is how she ate everything.  If there had been Jello and mashed potatoes on that fork she loved it.  She ate with gusto that day and drank several small glasses of pink wine, laughing and oohing and awing over sweet Min calling her Mimi for the first time.  She was at her happiest at that moment sitting across from me at that table.  I chose that memory to hold onto.  I didn't go to the hospital to see her, I didn't look at her in the casket.  I just do not want to have that be my last picture in my mind.  I choose the vision of her across that table.  

I love you Gloria as my mother-in-law, my mother.  

 

House Memories

Tomorrow Brother, Sister and I will be tasked with looking at all the offers that have come in for the purchase of my Daddy's home.  Sad as this may be we are okay with it.

Seeing these photos lets us know that we still have wonderful memories but that it is time to let the physical property go and the physical body as he is no longer with us.

Looking through old photos I am taken to so many memories that will be with me forever in the house.  But the house just was not able to withstand time and deterioration, the wear and tear of living.

We said goodbye to Daddy and now we say goodbye to the house, the house where all these memories were made but they are not in the house they are in our hearts and mind.

Many Christmas's, birthdays, Thanksgivings...just family gatherings.

Lots of grandkiddos passed through the door and were much loved.

My brother, sister and I are at peace with this process we must go through and that is what counts.

Memories...memories...memories...

This house is not the first one we've had to leave behind, give over to someone else to make memories...

Grandma's house that we drive by often has gone through many transitions.  It's been an Italian restaurant, a tea room and now it's a hospice, but we have our memories of the house.  Memories of playing with my aunt's Barbie's when she allowed me to touch them (LOL.)  Memories of running up the stairs, running around the house, laughter, memories of Grandma's organ and on the wall above a map of Vietnam, where my uncle was deployed.  Memories of me sitting in my favorite uncle's lap, Uncle George, and watching his cigar smoke curl around his head and up in the air.  Those sweet memories are what holds us together to carry on and move forward with life.

Memories of falling off that step and not breathing after the hard hit and Grandma breathing life back into me, as the story goes.

Memories of my Greatgranny's house in Jay.  Another house that is no longer there or at least most of it is gone, but the memories, oh the memories of that house are mighty.  Sleeping in my Greatgranny's featherbed and getting up at dawn to go with her in our nightgown to the barn to milk her cow, Pet, and the collie Sandy walking alongside us along the wooden bridge over the creek that never had water in it.  The smells of the barn come wafting to the surface of my memories of that house and it makes me smile.  Not necessarily memory smell of manure, but memories of the grain, the hay, the cow.  Greatgranny's cat Fatso, sitting on his hind haunches while Greatgranny squirted milk fresh from the cow's teet into his mouth.  Now those are powerful memories.

Houses have a hard time withstanding the wear and tear of time, but memories are forever.

Our very first home, the apartment...we renewed our vows here at 25 years (now coming up on 45!)

Our first home we purchased.  We still drive by it often and remember.  Do we want to own it or live there again, ABSOLUTELY NOT!  But we drive by and remember that we spent 10 years there, our babies were born while living in that house.  Our first pet, sweet Bilbo Baggins shared his life with us in that home.  We're still friends with the neighbors from next door.  We started our business in that house.  

Momma cooking with friends in the kitchen where she cooked so many meals for us, our children, where her mother cooked.  Memories, memories, memories...

Backyard shenanigans...

Yes there are lots and lots of memories there and now we leave the house to someone else to make memories or more than likely another house will take it's place.  Like I said, we are okay with this process and what we must do.  We can't hold onto it for a shrine, Daddy would not want that at all I can guarantee that.  We make a shrine in our hearts and let the tangible go.  

 

A Final Goodbye

Yesterday we said our final goodbyes.  A sad day for sure but we all know that Daddy is no longer hurting and miserable.  He was in pain from his knees, his belly and his broken heart.  He missed Momma every single day and now he is with her and we are glad he is with her again.  

The ray a of light in all this was having all the grandchildren and great grandkiddos all together once again.  The BEST grouping of babies I've ever seen.

I also saw a lot of cousins that we haven't seen in probably 30+ years.  Boy are we old!  It was wonderful to have the support of old friends and family, ours and Daddy's.  His best friend hobbled to the gravesite and even spoke a few words.  They loved each other like no other and were friends from childhood.  The Hubby spoke and his words were healing.  His own father had his own demons and so he leaned on my father to help guide him a bit.  They had a special bond of their own.  

Oh, Daddy had his, let's say, quirks, but he was loving, he loved us three, loved his children with a passion.  No one is given a guidebook on how to raise children, discipline, how to love them, we all make mistakes, sure we do, but Daddy LOVED us and that is what mattered.  We move on, carry on with our lives and love our babies and their babies.  Life moves foward.  

How Do You Say Goodbye

It is raining this early, early Saturday morning.  The forecast has it happening off and on all week long.  I'm awake early, yet again this morning, 5 am to be exact.  Actually, my mind has been up and whirring around since about four.  My bladder started all this wake up stuff, then Clayton wanted to be fed, and so the mind started it's usual jumping from thought to thought.  I finally gave in with the encouragement of Clayton to "FEED ME" and got up.  

Coffee and protein bar in hand I go to my home studio to do the first run through of emails, blogs and Facebook.  The first image on FB was my friend Cindy's face with her husband Steve.  I met Cindy a few years ago at a local blog meet-up here in Tulsa, along with the oldest daughter.  We sat at the same table and had a really nice conversation.  We started reading each others blogs and come to find out had a lot of friends in common around here.  She and her husband then started using our electrical contracting services and last Christmas they stopped by our new office digs where she purchased one of my paintings.  The nicest people.  Well, on Thursday I saw on FB under her page a link to CaringBridge and knew that was NOT good.  I logged in to read their recent journey into the world of cancer.  I have been out of touch on her blog and did not realize they, Steve, had been battling cancer.  She posting on CaringBridge all that they had gone through the past year and then yesterday he passed away.  Shocked, SHOCKED.  How do you do that, how do you say goodbye.  My heart breaks for her and she seems to be dealing but I know she is devastated.  

This brings me to our right hand guy Ben and his wife Jamie.  Jamie has been battling stage 4 ovarian cancer for the past 2 long years, very courageously.  They have done radiation, chemo, experimental treatments and traveling to beat this, or at least let her live long enough to meet her first grandchild in July.  Tuesday, her birthday, they traveled the last time to Oklahoma City to talk to her doctors, she made the decision that enough was enough.  That evening, at a birthday celebration for her they told the family that the battle was over.  She is tired and had run out of any steam to fight this losing battle.  Not even the prospect of seeing sweet Aiden make his appearance into this world is enough for her anymore.  Jamie has been a tower of strength and courage in her fight going to work every day, even through all the horrible chemo.  Ben came in the office early Wednesday morning and he and The Hubby talked about it all.  The Hubby said Ben could hardly hold it together.  Oh my gosh, how do you prepare to say goodbye to your partner, your soul mate, your life.  

Seeing what Ben has been going through and my recent scare has made The Hubby very attentive and appreciative towards me lately.  It has scared the hell out of him that our lives are so precious.  Now all he talks and thinks about is retirement.  Well, I am ready but he says another 5 years.  I want to enjoy life NOW!  Not wait till this and that is paid off.  I want to not have to rush out of the house for this and that.  I want to paint, sleep in (good luck with that), to read, to fish, to travel, to play with Rio...I'm READY to begin our golden years early.  Life is too short.