Do you remember watching the episode of "I Love Lucy" where Lucy, Rickey, Ethel and Fred were getting on each others nerves. (I know I'm showing my age.) Fred was jingling the keys in his pockets, Rickey was drumming his fingers on the table, Ethel was making sucking-smacking sounds as she ate sweet sticky things and Lucy was stirring her coffee, tinkling the spoon in her cup. Well, every once in awhile, after 31 years of marriage those little habits pop up that drive me crazy about The Hubby.
Last night he came home from a trip about 10:30 pm. I was in bed watching TV trying to drift off to sleep. He was asking me questions and I mumbled answers as he proceeded to get his stuff ready for the next day. I drifted off to sleep and was brought back out of dreamland by this glow that invaded my eyelids. The bathroom light was on. I could hear The Hubby tapping the keys of the computer, it was 11:30. Now mind you, I get up at 4:45 AM every morning to go to Jazzercise and it is sometimes hard for me to get to sleep anyway. He ALWAYS turns the light on and leaves it on and then leaves the room. I tossed and turned and then heard him coming back into the room. Now, I had to contend with the teeth-brushing routine. He is absolutely fanatical about his teeth. He brushes a very long time, then he brushes his tongue with an electric brush, then he flosses and spits over and over again, then finally he swishes his mouthwash for a full 3 minutes. OH MY GOD! (And this is twice a day!) It might not seem bad but he is very, very vocal about it. Teeth done he slides into bed and begins the release of his joints and muscles. The sounds coming out of his mouth used to make the girls think we were having loud sex. He stretches and moans for a good five minutes before he gets still and within another five minutes I hear the beginnings of snoring. Great...there goes my good sleep.
Some more examples of The Hubby's "habits": The act of eating his "daily" oatmeal and raisins can bring me out of dreamland. The Hubby eats oatmeal for his cholesterol and doesn't miss a breakfast without it. The only time this bugs me is the weekends when I try to sleep in. I first hear the microwave slam shut and run. Then I hear the beep-beep-beep, then another slam as he retrieves the steaming bowl of oats. He then adds his Splenda and milk and the chorus starts. Ting-Ting-Ting-Ting-Ting-Ting-Ting-Ting on the sides of the bowl as he beats the oatmeal almost into a froth. I asked him one time why he had to beat instant oatmeal so much and he simply said to get it mixed up. Oh, Okay (eye roll.)
Oh, and I almost forgot the foghorn. Yes, I am talking about blowing his ample nose. He blows before bed and when he wakes up. (I know this is gross.) This act, if I'm not ready for it, can make me jump a foot off the ground. My God, he must not have many brains left in his head after the horn goes off, and please help me if he gets a cold. Speaking of his nose, that man can smell a bad smell a mile off. You cannot pull the wool over his head...nose. I used to try to quickly clean up puppy mess without him knowing but no amount of cleaner could escape his talent for smell. It also hurts that I can't wear very strong perfume because it hurts his head and gives him a headache (so do room fresheners.) He doesn't even wear men's cologne except for very special occasions, and I LOVE men in cologne.
OK...I'll stop ragging on my man. Just some funny observations on our other halves.