A Difficult Day

I have had a difficult day today and actually a difficult week. Last week I had to go and pick out and order the marker for my Momma's grave. YUCK! What a horrible task I have been chosen to do. Today I finally got the check from my grandmothers trust to pay for it and so I thought I would got to Momma's grave. I DON'T LIKE to do that sort of thing but there I was wandering around that stupid cemetery looking for a fairly fresh dug grave. I spent 30 minutes stumbling around the markers trying to find it, even with a stupid map. Finally, I figured the map out and lo and behold there it was. I knew it because she is buried next to her mother and father. Actually, she is next to her beloved father, her best friend. I stood over her very green plot and cried. I HATE doing cemeteries. I can't believe I stood there and did that. (I want to be cremated and scattered please.) I'm having another bad week I guess because Daddy has taken that trip halfway across the US and then the financial stuff, including the stupid marker. I hate it that when something needs to be done I GET TO DO IT! I hate being the responsible one ALL THE TIME!

Then I find out that my Thanksgiving plans for the USUAL festivities at our house may have a big hitch in them. There is a tentative family reunion for The Hubby's side of the family 100 miles away. I have been the Turkey Day Hostess for the past 20 + years and I DON'T want to stop that, especially since both of my kiddos are probably not going to be here and it will be the first holiday since Momma died for my family. I am really perturbed at the whole situation. I need some semblance of normalcy this year since the first part of the year was so f*****ed up. Sorry, I'm really angry about the whole situation and I don't think The Hubby truly understands. I actually kind of snapped at him at dinner and he was taken aback for a minute. I think HE thinks that I should be over all this by now but for goodness sake it was my MOTHER, MY BEST FRIEND, and our sweet PUPPY that have left this earth and I am devastated. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need time to deal with it and heal.