Scared, Terrified, Fearful

Next week I am to have my hip replaced.  I'm not going to lie, I'm scared, terrified and generally almost on the verge of calling it off.  I haven't been able to put a finger on why I have this terror.  I know tons and tons of people who have had it done with absolutely no problems.  One of my fears is infection because I've had MRSA before and that always looms over me.  After I heal there is always a chance of rejection and infection, i.e. my Daddy.  On that note I started thinking about my fear when it occurred to me that I have good reason for this fear.  First of all is the whole thing that Daddy went through with having the infection, having surgeries to clean it out and then living WITHOUT the hip for six months before they re-did the hip.  That was ABSOLOUTELY  horrible for him and for us to live through.  Then I remember my granny, when she tripped on a concrete parking thingy at Wal-Mart, fell and broke her hip.  She was so scared to have the surgery because she had friends that were never the same, mentally from the anesthesia.  She was never the same after the replacement but hers was because back then they didn't have physical therapy and she didn't use it like she needed too and it atrophied.  The worst was Momma, who fell in the nursing home two weeks after we had to put her there.  I was the one who got the phone call in the middle of the night.  I was the one who had to sign for her to have surgery.  She didn't make it a month after that.  She was gone.  So you see I have well founded fears that are nagging me in the back of my mind.  I AM SCARED SHITLESS about this whole ordeal but I know it must be done to get my life back.  Damn body.