Scared, Terrified, Fearful

Next week I am to have my hip replaced.  I'm not going to lie, I'm scared, terrified and generally almost on the verge of calling it off.  I haven't been able to put a finger on why I have this terror.  I know tons and tons of people who have had it done with absolutely no problems.  One of my fears is infection because I've had MRSA before and that always looms over me.  After I heal there is always a chance of rejection and infection, i.e. my Daddy.  On that note I started thinking about my fear when it occurred to me that I have good reason for this fear.  First of all is the whole thing that Daddy went through with having the infection, having surgeries to clean it out and then living WITHOUT the hip for six months before they re-did the hip.  That was ABSOLOUTELY  horrible for him and for us to live through.  Then I remember my granny, when she tripped on a concrete parking thingy at Wal-Mart, fell and broke her hip.  She was so scared to have the surgery because she had friends that were never the same, mentally from the anesthesia.  She was never the same after the replacement but hers was because back then they didn't have physical therapy and she didn't use it like she needed too and it atrophied.  The worst was Momma, who fell in the nursing home two weeks after we had to put her there.  I was the one who got the phone call in the middle of the night.  I was the one who had to sign for her to have surgery.  She didn't make it a month after that.  She was gone.  So you see I have well founded fears that are nagging me in the back of my mind.  I AM SCARED SHITLESS about this whole ordeal but I know it must be done to get my life back.  Damn body.  

Anniversary, Friends and of course...COVID!

Today is our 46th wedding anniversary.  We've been going to Flemings to have dinner and celebrate since 2016, tonight it's the same.  It was a really nice dinner of steak and wine and love.  Hard to believe it's been 46 years, really hard to believe.  

It was a nice weekend too spending time at the cabin with each other and a small select group of friends.  Saturday evening we had two couples over for HEAVY appetizers for dinner and homemade lemon cake (I did not make, Lesa did).  It was wonderful with the guys outside sitting by the new porch fireplace sharing cigars, drinks and lots of guy talk.  We three girls stayed inside around the fire chatting and having a nice evening.  

Also got news that the oldest granddaughter, Snicklefritz, has Covid.  I was so worried about her last night but she is already doing better.  She has been vaccinated, two shots and so far only fever the first day, still sore throat and sniffles but all in all she's doing well.  I will steer clear as I do NOT want to get sick this close to the surgery, February 3.

Thursday I did my pre-op and it went smoothly until the dang lab tech took blood and not in a good way.  She was young and babbling, somewhat scattered.  The first thing she said was that they didn't have the butterfly thingy's and that she would have to use a straight needle, bigger. Then she proceeded to poke and prod in the edge of my inner elbow area, not even in the middle, where there are obviously veins, large veins.  It hurt and when she could not get it in she decided to try the left arm.  I looked at my right arm she just beat up with the needle and told her it was going to bruise and from this photo I was truly right.  Before she started in on the other arm she hem-hawed around then went out to find another nurse, thank GOD.  The other lady came in and said oh I hide the butterflies and dug around and came up with one to use, thank goodness.  It went in perfectly and 6 different vials were filled.  I didn't notice the bruise until yesterday morning when I was getting into the shower.  OMG I was shocked.  It didn't hurt but it is quite ugly.  

Anyway it is done and I am ready to git-er-done!  The hip book I have to read kind of scares me and there is a lot to do.  There is a lot to do with this and work and home.  Time is ticking away...Here's to my new hip and and feeling better.  

Grands, Puzzles and Life Junk

Good Sunday morning all.  It's been a rather lazy week with a bit of art thrown in.  Of course I had to head to the office Monday morning and do a bit of bill paying and filing (I kid on the filing, that is NOT my bag.)  I didn't have to head back there until Friday for payroll.  I did post about 3 of our employees being out sick, 2 with Covid and 1 upper respiratory (we still think Covid despite the negative test.)  That was a challenge for The Hubby to juggle the jobs/customers that were counting on them to work, but he made it all work out.  THAT is what he is so over now, the juggle. 

I also got a couple of days of studio time and started applying paint to the latest self portrait and hopefully this week will be able to spend a lot of time there.  The only thing pressing this week is our friend Patti's funeral on Thursday.  Those kind of things really make me nervous partly because of the Covid numbers rising and because it is so hard for me to go into places with my mobility issues now, BUT, I have to go for her husband Jim.  

Friday evening Snicklefritz came to spend the weekend with me and while her Momma was here little Mini and her Momma joined us for a bite to eat and to FINALLY store the rest of Christmas back into the closet.  Christmas 2021 is finally a memory.  Oh these girls.  They both have these little toddler three-wheel bikes powered by feet and they were roaring around the house giggling, chasing each other round and round.  It just makes you smile and laugh watching them have so much fun together.  They are cousins but are probably as close as sisters and always will be.  

Yesterday Snicklefritz, her Granddad and I had a big breakfast.  I fixed her scrambled eggs, which she says I make the best, two blueberry waffles, orange juice and bacon.  The Hubby and I had over easy eggs, bacon, juice and toast.  She was up early even though she didn't go to bed until nearly 11 the night before.  After breakfast we hit the jigsaw puzzle hard.  It is a Charlie Brown Christmas puzzle, 1000 pieces!  I absolutely LOVE Charlie Brown.  When I was a kid I was always saying, "Oh Good Grief," so Daddy started calling me Charlie Brown.  It is a wonderful memory.  We didn't last long on the puzzle.  Starting one is sometimes so hard.  After a bit she was bored and wanted to play with her dolls and watch TV.  Honestly the only thing on was Patti's Mexican Table on CreateTV and she was quite happy to watch it.  It has a lot about Mexican culture, food, landscapes and is very interesting.  I chose to read a bit and kept dosing off.  Must have been the snow that started to fall.  That also kept her pretty occupied watching it gracefully fall and melt away.  Not much stuck and she took a couple of strolls around the yard to check it out.  There was enough to even make a snowball but it is pretty.  Oh goodness last night we played Monopoly.  We only been playing Jr. Monopoly for over a year now and the last time she honestly broke me and the bank.  Well last night we got the big dude out and set it up, carefully reading the rules.  She was a bit confused but got the hang of it quickly.  GOOD GRIEF Charlie Brown!  This girl or maybe it was my bad luck.  I kept getting hit with paying luxury tax or stuff to her or going to jail or rent to her.  I was down to $35 and she had all these properties, kept receiving money for various things (mostly from me!)  She was raking in the dough and had a stack of $100 you wouldn't believe.  The bank only had one left in it.  After nearly 2 hours I said I was done and she needed to go to bed.  It was again 11 pm.  It is now a bit after 8 this morning and she is still in bed.  She needed to sleep.  When she gets up I'll fix her her usual breakfast and then she's going to take a bath.  The Hubby and I woke up at 6 this morning and both had our showers and breakfast and he's already out the door to the office to spend his day tinkering.  After this post I will do a bit of reading until she awakes.  

Have a good week all, maybe I'll be back sooner than next week.

Cold, Virus, Waiting Game

Good morning all.  The weekend has passed with us jaunting off to the cabin for some much needed R&R.  I had planned on having a bit of day-drinking with my friends but this DAMN COVID messed that up yet again.  One of the ladies husband had come down with the virus on Friday and I couldn't take the chance with my surgery so close to being possibly exposed.  Even though she works in OKC at the Capitol and hadn't even been around her man it was just to iffy for me.  I've already had a close encounter in December and dodged that bullet, I don't want to stretch my luck.  

So we hunkered down with most of my view this from our bedroom.  

Plus the fireplace kept us all nice and warm during the nasty cold snap.  I accomplished not much more than reading two entire books and feeding us.  We didn't take my walker so I only had my cane to get around.  It's funny that as long as the temperatures stay about 45 I get around pretty good but if it is freezing, OH MAN!  It's like my joints are like concrete.  It just hurts so bad to try and even go to the bathroom.  It tells me that a lot of my inability to just move is a lot of arthritis, but this hip replacement surgery cannot come soon enough.  Time is ticking away as the time approaches and I am getting a bit nervous.  

There is just so much I must get done before with work and home, plus I'm having a joint replaced!!!!!  That is a lot scary for me.  It's the end of 2021 at the office and for personal tax stuff.  Since the surgery is February 3 that means I will also have a pile of bills that will need to be paid at the first of the month.  I HAVE to stay up on that stuff and also payroll is in the middle of this.  I will play it by ear and do the best I can do.  I might need the help of my girls for sure to pull this off.  

Work wise it has been not good this week.  We have a total of 6 employees and 2 of them have Covid and one has an upper respiratory virus NOT COVID! That means half of our staff is off.  You know we have gotten by for nearly 3 years without this so we've been pretty lucky.  Also lucky is that I don't see any employees most of the time.  They go straight to the jobsites, whew!  It does make The Hubby groan and gruff around a lot of the time in the mornings.  He gets jobs all set up with the customers and this many out makes it tricky.  Thankfully they are understanding.  Oh well, I guess this is life in the new world of Covid.

 

Food and Mania

DIFFERENT Stuffed Peppers

I totally saw this recipe on Insta and made it tonight. I am not a huge fan of peppers but the red peppers were yummy. Simple...

Slice peppers in half, clean out seeds and put in 350° oven for 30 minutes. While they cook, or get a bit tender saute sweet Italian sausage in a non-stick skillet. When that is done I add a block of cream cheese and a can of Rotel tomatoes. When the peppers are ready, fill them with the mixture. Then top them with a sprinkling of shredded cheese then put them back in the oven for 10 minutes.

OMG, these were very tasty and very different.

On a different note, this past week I've been watching, actually the whole world has been watching, the deterioration of an artist friend, mentally on Facebook.  It has been absolutely shocking to watch her posts ranting about her husband and rambling in these weird one line statements that honestly don't make a lot of sense.  This morning I then see that she is living in her car and we are having the coldest temps in a year.  It's so sad to watch one of her daughters plead with her to call them, to come home and then I saw that the daughter and husband of 42 years even went to the court system to try and get her committed.  You can clearly see that she is having a manic episode.  I've been in tons of art things with this lady and it is just so shocking to see it happen.  I'm not friend friends with her, only an art associate, I have no sway with her but feel like I need or want to help.  I can't even imagine what her daughters are going through with all this.  It's heartbreaking.  

 

Happy New Year 2022

Decided that yesterday was the day to delve back into the self portrait thing. This is more than practice, it takes you deep into the YOU. I've done several of me in different stages of my life, all the while contemplating those times, eras, in the evolution that is the person that is, Carla. Today I look into the now 65 year old me without apology. It's charcoal, but will soon have paint to top it off. I think this is an important exercise at this time in my life. Of course the biggy is that I turned 65 and have jumped on the Medicare wagon. But I've also lost my father, my dear mother-in-law and yet another dear friend. We are at those crossroads in our lives, the inevitable journey of death. This is not maudlin, it is reality, hence a self portrait in the reality of me, of life, of my life.

Last night little, I should say big girl Snicklefritz spent her New Year's again with me.  We watched Harry Potter movies, played Old Maid, Go Fish and Connect 4 and drank sparkling cider with frozen blueberries.  We did indeed stay up past midnight and rang in the year (can't believe I was able to stay awake!)  The Hubby decided to head to the cabin to give a bid and check on a generator job we're getting ready to do there.  He was planning on staying till Sunday, but, I informed him that I had planned on cooking a cornish hen with our black eye peas and he said he would be home...HAHAHA.  Snicklefritz will go home today after she helps me do the laundry and we start dismantling Christmas.  I think I can do a lot of it but need assistance getting it back in the closet.  Hopefully if I get all of it done I can go to the studio tomorrow and if not then on Monday, as we are closed.