Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

OK...I like snow OK but ONLY if I don't have to get out into it. Today The Hubby and I started to get up as usual to go workout but of course decided against it when we looked outside. Sleet and ice....I hate that stuff. We (I) ended staying home all day long and The Hubby even called all the employees and told them to STAY HOME! Good call. Of course knowing The Hubby he can't sit for long and so off he slide down the sloped driveway to find snow melt and try his luck on the ice. I have a feeling he will be in the office tomorrow no matter the weather. The really bad thing about all of this is that we are having an all out Christmas party BASH on Saturday night, catered and bartender and all. I HOPE this doesn't stop people from coming and I PRAY for lots of sunshine. PLEASE SUNSHINE. The weather guys this morning said Saturday would be 40 degrees but tonight they said 31....This also means my cleaning lady might not make it to the house so I may have to spend my time sweeping, mopping, dusting etc...That's OK though the house isn't too bad.

What is it with these weather guys. You would think there was a tornado coming or something. They really get off to the weather and interupt the TV shows EVERY commercial break to give and update that it is SNOWING and it is COLD! WE KNOW ALREADY!

Errand Day

Today was errand day. I had to run tons of errands to get ready for the big party. This morning I headed out at 5 am for Jazzercise then after the killing workout I headed home to ready for the day.

9 am: My first stop was a Mary Kay delivery then on to the tag office. I HATE going to the tag office and will drive south of town to go to one in particular because of the nice people and fast service. Fast was an understatement today. I was in and out, with check written, in less than 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I then had a head start on the day so I had time to go to a local garden center that was decked out for the season. A few more decorations to adorn the house and then on to get gas. I then headed for the mall to Coldwater Creek for a party outfit. I was also able to get a Christmas gift for my father as I ran through a store. I'm a fast shopper so I was in and out of the mall in less than 30 minutes and spent $400. I then headed for the stop I intended for the day in the first place. I had to go to the cemetery to see Mom's new marker. It was beautiful. Daddy had called on Thanksgiving from there sobbing that it was beautiful. Wow, I got a lot done and it was only 11 am.

11 am: I flew home to unload my car load of goodies and a quick sandwich before running to the office. On my way to the office I stopped by the New Balance shoe store for new workout shoes. It was a quick stop since I just told the salesman I wanted what I was wearing. In and out of that store in 5 minutes and then a quick run through the Williams Sonoma store. Finally, on to the office to open the mail and answer a few phone calls and pay a couple of bills.

2:30 pm and I hit the grocery store for dinner and stuff for the party, i.e. lemons, limes, Coke, olives...Then home again to drop off another load of stuff and marinate the steaks for dinner.

3:15 pm and I'm running to a strip center that has three stops I need to go to. The first is a stationary like store for Christmas napkins and a couple of stocking stuffers. Then two doors down to an agriculture store for bird food for the canary and parakeet. Then my final destination...yeah...my pedicure. 4:30 pm and I plopped down in the chair and closed my eyes while "S" did her magic.

5:30 pm and I back into the garage and began dinner, actually a quick steamed asparagus and sweet potato in the oven to go with the marinated steaks. Yum. Now here I sit typing away sharing my busy day.

Tree's up!

OK...the tree is up. WHEW...My back is killing me. I would take a picture and post it but I haven't got my new digital camera I have been wanting since this fall but I'm told I will get one for Christmas. My tree is beautiful. I've already pre set up for the food to be delivered. I'm half-way there except for the store, liquor store, etc.....

Oh and an update on the new vehicle...I'm posting a picture of what it would look like WHEN it is fixed up. It's in bad paint shape but I went for a spin and it is kind of fun. The inside is pretty yucky. At least it will give The Hubby something to do again. He's bored.

Decorating Day

Last night I climbed into the attic and retrieved box upon box of Christmas decorations. I love to decorate for Christmas but this time I have a week to get my house totally decked out. The Hubby and I are hosting a huge catered party with "hopefully" close to 100 people. I sent the invites out last week but have not had much of a response but I'm hoping that just means people are coming. People just don't RSVP anymore. Anyway, I'm going to be totally engrossed in the art of adornment today.

Yesterday The Hubby spent his second day in a tree waiting for a poor defenseless deer to walk by and lose its life. The only way I could do that is if I was extremely hungry and lived off the land like my great grandparents. I had never seen a live deer in the wild till I was an adult. I grew up with seeing dead ones hanging in trees gutted. Yeah I know. YUCK! WHOA...I need to get back to where my mind was going. Last night The Hubby received a phone call on his cell phone and I heard old car???? He finished the call and I asked what that was about. He told me he bought a 55 (or 56 or 57) Chrysler Windsor. Uh What! Excuse me. I don't get it. You know if I did something like that I would never hear the end of it. EVER!!!!!! Don't get me wrong I don't mind but what the heck. WHERE IS MY SPORTS CAR, MY CONVERTIBLE, MY FUN CAR!!!!!!! I've been asking for some time for my own fun car. Maybe next year?

Oh well, on to the Christmas tree...Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!!!!

Turkey Day

Whoopee! Turkey Day is almost here. I love this holiday and LOVE to cook turkey. I'm cooking a 21 pound and an 18 pound for about 20 people. I am doing two because there is NEVER enough left over to send in care packages or a yummy turkey sandwich on fresh white bread, Miracle Whip and a few dashes of Tobasco. YUMMY! Can't wait. 'Tis the season to EAT!!!!! Gobble Gobble Gobble

Solitude...well maybe!

I’m sitting here in our wonderful cabin by a roaring fire listening to Christmas music - Vince Guaraldi’s A Charlie Brown Christmas, Peter Mayer’s Stars and Promises, and Chris Botti’s December. I’ve been drinking Swiss Chocolate Almond Coffee, on my couch, in my pajama’s, watching my bird feeder swing back and forth with black capped chickadee’s, purple house finches, and gold finches. I don’t have to do anything until dinner tonight at 6pm for Thanksgiving at the lake.

Finally a day to myself...a weekend to myself. I can’t believe all my planning to no avail and then this weekend just fell into my lap. The Hubby has decided to go deer hunting today and then tonight enjoy a fireworks show and laser light show to celebrate Oklahoma’s Centennial. I’m not particularly fond of fireworks and so here I sit throughly enjoying the peace and quiet.

Last night I watched TV and played solitaire on my laptop (no Internet here) till I nodded off about 9 pm. I padded off to bed leaving the TV on (timer to go off-HELLO, I’m at the lake in the woods by myself) and was asleep very quickly.

I awoke this morning and realized how very quiet it was. I opened my eyes to look at the clock and saw 6:57 am. Wow, I haven’t slept like that in awhile. 4:30 am is my usual wake up for work out. I think I would have stayed in bed if the potty wasn’t beckoning me. I lay there looking out the window at the tops of the bare trees, at the gray sky hoping for sunshine. Fall is here and the trees are naked. A bushy tailed squirrel ran along a branch with a huge acorn in his mouth. Funny little guys that play and chase each other round and round the trees. I rolled out of bed and trudged to the living room to stoke the fire.

What a life. “Living The Life of Reilly,” my mother used to say. No kidding. Who would have thought 31 years ago (Jan 2007) when The Hubby and I married that we would be in this position in our lives. We were young, 19 years old, probably not $500 in the bank, living in an apartment with used broken down furniture that was given to us. The television we watched was a hand-me-down from my grandmother that gave everyone green faces. We budgeted everything and spent Saturday afternoons at the laundrymat doing our laundry together.

We now have our own business, own the building, own 2 homes, raised two beautiful daughters, have tons of friends, and are blissfully happy. What more could a person ask for.

Wow, I’m getting nostalgic. I have to stop that or I’ll want to go home today. I’ve been trying to write a short story or something but just can’t seem to get my mind on writing fiction today.

I’m supposed to be reading a book for book club called The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant but just can’t get there either. I bought a book Thursday called The Wisdom of Menopause, by Christiane Northrup, M.D. and WOW what an eyeopener. I didn’t even make it through the introduction before I was underlining with my pencil. THAT IS WHY I’M FEELING THE WAY I DO SOMETIMES. It’s was like I had written the book or she was reading my thoughts and feelings. She talks about how “for most women, identity and self-esteem are generated by our associations and relationships.” She goes on to say that “men, by contrast, usually get most of their identity and self-esteem from the outer world...” Totally have felt that. One paragraph on page 4 talks about women who are the age and area I am finding themselves either turning to the old ways of nurturing the hubby (like the children), caretaker at the expense of their own needs, pushing the need to pursue their own creative passions. And then she goes on to talk about a husband saying “Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.” WHAT!!!! I have so totally heard those exact words come out of The Hubby’s mouth.

Page 6, and I will quote Dr. Northrup, “The dilemma for me and women everywhere is that we often feel guilty about self-revelation, because by being true to ourselves and our own feelings, we feel that we are betraying others, especially family members.”

That was a powerful statement for because I have very often felt this way, especially lately. Dr. Northrup’s book I think will help me deal with these feelings I am going through right now. My year has been fraught with MAJOR upheavals in my life.

My Time Line:
January-Became Empty Nester
March-Best Friend Died
June-Turned 50 and Dog Died
July-Mother Died

These are major occurrences that by themselves can be handled but I’ve been hit with all at once along with the peri-menopause symptoms on top of them. I guess I can deal with all of this and probably come out on the other side a new and improved Me. What doya say. I say YES!


P.S. Sunday...Well, my peace and solitude was short lived. The Hubby came to the oasis away from home last night after the celebration. He fell asleep on the couch so I still had the king size bed to myself.

Up at 4 am

I was startled awake at 4 am this morning by my cell phone playing its tune in the living room, in my purse. I stumbled to the elusive purse and dug my phone out to see that I missed the call. I knew who it was from though, out 21 year old daughter, #2. I quickly rang #2 back to see what was up. She is in California, on her own (with a roommate), trying to live her dream. She answered and was crying. I didn't panic but was afraid she had been hurt or in a car accident or something bad. She sobbed that she had messed up and was afraid and boy was my mind working overtime. I made my way to a back bathroom to try to calm her down so her father wouldn't wake up but that was not to happen. I heard him coming and told him she was alright even though I wasn't sure yet. I finally got her calmed down and found out she and her roomate had been drinking. She has just finished her internship as an audio engineer and now comes the job of trying to find a job. Her problem is she's not sure about that and since she is woman in male dominated field her road is already proving difficult. She's already dealing with leacherous old men, drugs, and the glass ceiling and is frightened so far away from home and Momma and Daddy. She's also dealing with the death of our friend, our dog and my mother. A lot has happened in our and her life this year and being so far away from makes it harder to deal with. I finally got her calmed down and then had to deal with The Hubby when I padded my way back to bed.

Since it was time to get up and get ready for workout I just went ahead and got ready but I also had to deal with the questions from the Hubby. He couldn't understand her calling in the middle of the night for one thing. I said she was drinking and he immediately thought "drinking", like a problem with alcohol. NO! That's not what I meant. She was drunk. Man he can go off the deep end very quick. I explained she was just having a meltdown triggered but the drinking and just needed to talk to her Momma. I have no problem being Mom and the ear she needs to lean on. Then he went off on he thought she needed to move back home (not our house mind you) and go to the junior college because she'll never get anywhere without a college education..yada,yada,yada. I went off AGAIN! What's the deal with this. We have managed VERY successfully without college educations (I have one now). We have gone down the path of college for her and it is a waste of time and money on both parts. She HATES school. It was all I could do to keep her in high school much less college. I hated getting so angry that early in the morning but he is "One Note Charlie" on this subject.

Beside all of this I'm very worried about my child and her future and her well being and her decisions. I don't need him harranging me about her right now. She will be OK, she just has to tap into what got her to this point in her life right. She has to use her passion and desire and determination to proceed for her dream. We will be behind her up to a point and she knows this. She feels very guilty about still using our money but she has no choice since she is driven. While we are able financially and she is young I am very behind her and I'll fight for her to reach her dreams...to a point.

Another blah day in Tulsy Town

I am again sitting at my desk waiting for 4 o'clock to roll around so I can have an excuse to LEAVE this office. What a blah day with nothing and I mean NOTHING to do all day long. I've been sitting at this closed in, windowless office since 8:30 AM piddling at my desk. I paid a few bills, logged in a few payments after the mailman FINALLY showed up, took a couple of phone calls and just have been sitting here all day long. No wonder my backside is flat and wide. When you do nothing all day long but sit on the damn thing it has nothing to do but go flat and wide.

I have made a decision, of which I really can't put to use till probably January. I am putting my foot down, actually slamming it down with The Hubby. I am going to take a day off every week. I think Wednesdays would be nice. I will sit him down, look lovingly into his baby green's and tell him that for my sanity and my backside I'm taking one day off EACH and EVERY WEEK. There will also be some ground rules. I can do whatever I want to do and he CANNOT call me on my cell phone or anywhere, only in the event of death or someone bleeding somewhere can he interupt my day. That also goes for him NOT showing up at home unannounced. If he knows I'm home he either calls with a serviceman upon the doorstep, or he forgot I need to type something at the office he forgot about or someone needs RIGHT THEN, or he just has to see if I'm doing what I say I'm going to do. Example: "I'm going to stay home and unpack the rest of the moving boxes." An hour into the project he shows up with his exercise bag. I ask, "What are you doing here." He says, "Oh, I was just driving by and stopped by, for lunch. What have you gotten done."!!!!!!!WHAT!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!

I love the guy but we have lived together for almost 31 years and worked in our business together for 27 years. I need a break. Every evening, everyday, every weekend ...I need some space from the intensity of togetherness. I have told him this and I think he gets it sometimes but sometimes he is like a wounded puppy and asks if I don't like to spend time with him. ARGHHHHHHH!!!Come on man, back off some PLEASE.

WHEW, sorry all who have to read about my rants but when I have that much time on my hands I get a little crazy. Wish me luck with "The Talk".....

Boy, Have I Got News

Boy, have I got news. Our 27 year old daughter finally told us a couple of months ago that she is dating a guy that she really likes. This is the FIRST time she has EVER brought a man into our midst since high school. She really likes him, but wait...more news is on the horizon. The girly has sprung on us that he is going to move to our hometown and they are going to buy a house "TOGETHER". I'm sooo very excited for her although I am not a fan of "living together" I support her. I'm kind of an old fashioned girl getting ready to celebrate 31 years of wedded bliss. The Hubby was surprisingly OK with this. I was very shocked by his reaction. I've been on him for years to quit dictating her life and I found him shooting my words back at me. My only concern is that my Daddy will not be very pleased with the situation and especially since I don't think he likes the new guy much. Uh Oh! I did hear through the grapevine though that it probably won't be till next summer and that they might be married by then...WHAT!!!!! This Mom is always the last to know her business.

My New Toy!

The house is full of the wonderful smells of deer and elk jerky. The aroma of spices and smoke permeate the air to the point of making you choke. The Hubby has decided to dig out last years game from the deep freeze so he can fill it up again and since I won't eat the stuff unless it is summer sausage or jerky, well the dehydrator is just a whirring away in the garage.

I usually leave my windows open when I park in the garage but this morning when I jumped in the Tahoe and pulled out of the garage the smell of jerky followed me...ALL DAY LONG! My car may never be the same.

Since jerky is at the fore thought of The Hubby's mind, yesterday he came upon a meat grinder thingy that you attach to a Kitchen Aid Mixer at a garage sale for $5.00. He was very happy with himself. Then he realized he needed the mixer part so he tried to find a used one on EBAY. STOP------I do not want a used mixer. I told him I have ALWAYS wanted a red Kitchen Aid Mixer NEW! I have been using a $5.00 hand helf mixer for over 20 years and was waiting for the perfect kitchen in which to put on and NOW since I have the perfect red kitchen, well, I wasn't going to have a used one. So, today he went shopping and then ended up back home and got online. When I returned home he informed me he bought one online, RED, and was very proud of himself. Me too. I'm excited to start baking again.

Way too soon!

I can't believe it is almost time for Thanksgiving and CHRISTMAS! It is just way too soon for the holidays. I'm not even ready literally and emotionally. It will be a hard time for me because Thanksgiving Day is when Momma first really started going downhill. In fact, she and Daddy left our house right after the turkey dinner and headed home but were soon on their way to the hospital of which she had an upper respiratory thing going on. Now that I look back we knew it was close to the end. Seemed like it was a roller coaster ride after that.

Oh well, I need to make plans for a better year. Yeah, that's the ticket! I'm planning a huge Christmas party at our wonderful new house and look forward to an all out bash! So much to do that my mind won't have time to ponder the sadness, I hope. Wish me well all....toodles.....

A Difficult Day

I have had a difficult day today and actually a difficult week. Last week I had to go and pick out and order the marker for my Momma's grave. YUCK! What a horrible task I have been chosen to do. Today I finally got the check from my grandmothers trust to pay for it and so I thought I would got to Momma's grave. I DON'T LIKE to do that sort of thing but there I was wandering around that stupid cemetery looking for a fairly fresh dug grave. I spent 30 minutes stumbling around the markers trying to find it, even with a stupid map. Finally, I figured the map out and lo and behold there it was. I knew it because she is buried next to her mother and father. Actually, she is next to her beloved father, her best friend. I stood over her very green plot and cried. I HATE doing cemeteries. I can't believe I stood there and did that. (I want to be cremated and scattered please.) I'm having another bad week I guess because Daddy has taken that trip halfway across the US and then the financial stuff, including the stupid marker. I hate it that when something needs to be done I GET TO DO IT! I hate being the responsible one ALL THE TIME!

Then I find out that my Thanksgiving plans for the USUAL festivities at our house may have a big hitch in them. There is a tentative family reunion for The Hubby's side of the family 100 miles away. I have been the Turkey Day Hostess for the past 20 + years and I DON'T want to stop that, especially since both of my kiddos are probably not going to be here and it will be the first holiday since Momma died for my family. I am really perturbed at the whole situation. I need some semblance of normalcy this year since the first part of the year was so f*****ed up. Sorry, I'm really angry about the whole situation and I don't think The Hubby truly understands. I actually kind of snapped at him at dinner and he was taken aback for a minute. I think HE thinks that I should be over all this by now but for goodness sake it was my MOTHER, MY BEST FRIEND, and our sweet PUPPY that have left this earth and I am devastated. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need time to deal with it and heal.

Whew!

Well, my Daddy took his trip. 71 years old and I was on pins and needles the day he decided to drive himself 1,000 miles to see his Sis. As the time for his trip approached I helped him get his financial affairs in order...just in case. You just never know and since it has been so soon after Momma's death I just needed to get it organized for my own peace of mind. Anyway, last Thursday morning he took off. I got a call at about 5:30 pm our time and he had driven 649 miles that day. I couldn't believe it. He said he was so bushed he didn't feel like eating. I panicked a little and told him he HAD to eat. He reassured me that he brought his Ensure's and was OK. The next evening The Hubby and I were at our lake retreat and around 7 pm I suddenly realized I had not heard from ANYBODY whether he had reached his destination yet. I immediately started the phone calling and was on the verge of utter and total panic when I finally got hold of my Sis and she said he was sitting with his sister visiting and reminiscing and totally lost track of time. The first WHEW! I knew he would enjoy his time with his Sis. Now we had to worry again when he would hit the road back home. I got a call Monday evening from my Sis to tell me that Daddy was again on the road. Yesterday my mind was preoccupied with thinking and worrying about him on the road by himself. I just could not take losing my Daddy so soon after Momma. Last night, Halloween, I was relaxing home after work and waited to call him about 6:30, HOORAY! He answered the phone. The second big WHEW! Daddy was Mr. Chatty Cathy about his trip although I could hear the exhaustion in his voice and the sadness. Daddy's sister is older than him, 78 and in terrible health. It had been about 8 years since he had seen her. Her husband is also in horrible health so I think my Daddy realized that it would be the last time he would see them, again reinforcing the fact that Momma was also gone.

It's a total fact that regardless of what we do with diet, exercise, or plastic surgery death is a fact of life. We can try to disguise it but trust me the mirror lies and your mind and eyes lie to you. I look in the mirror every morning after I've done the face painting and think, "Hey, not bad." The fact is the mind sometimes deceives itself. We had family pictures done the other day and I thought I looked pretty good that day, NOT! We got the proofs and amazingly enough I saw fat, wrinkles, skin changes and I HATED it. What has happened to my body and face. I'm not ready to be old yet old is staring me in the face every time I look in a mirror.

Sorry, for being a downer. Just having a bad day I guess.....