Sabotage

Oh my goodness, perfect timing I think.  Mama's Losin' It! blog post suggestions this week arrived in my email box and as I was reading them the very last one caught my eye and stabbed me in the gut: 

 6. What is sabotaging your plan to drop 5 pounds? (Actually for me 100 pounds)

Yup, really what I needed to think about since I haven't thought about losing weight in the last 5 minutes for the past 30 years or so!  

When I was a kiddo I really didn't have any issue with weight at all.  That didn't stop my bro and Daddy calling me fatso for some reason.  I expect it from a sibling, that's just kids but my Daddy, not sure why.  

I had the usual child plump but as I got into junior high and on I kept it down, I also didn't eat well or much.  

Watching what I eat started when I was in 6th grade when I broke my leg.  It was a hugely traumatic event in my life and being in a cast for nearly 6 months took a toll on my mobility and growth.  It was at a time when your body is moving and grooving and I didn't move or groove.

High school rolled around and I was definitely curvy but I also ate sporadically and not much.  I LOVED food but I didn't eat.  I lived on popcorn, Dr. Pepper, occasional cheddar cheese or Momma's fried chicken.  I also did 100 sit-ups every single night.

It worked but was not healthy.  

We didn't grow up with fast food at all, there just was not availability in our town at that time.  So when I met The Hubby he opened up my life to fast food and we ate at weird times.  That was the first time I had to have Tums because of the level of food we ate.  I don't want to blame it on him I blame it on fast food.  I was bitten by the fast food bug.  

I got caught up in fast food, Dr. Pepper, and Twinkies and Ding dongs (The Hubby liked them in his lunch, I just liked them.)  Chips, dip, Taco Bell, I was a mess.  That first year of marriage I started going to Weight Watchers.  We really couldn't afford to eat out so I learned to eat right at WW.  That was when you ate a can of dry tuna, a lot of tuna.  I lost about 20 pounds and looked great and felt great.

Then babies came and I had the old-fashioned thought, "I'm eating for two." Boy did I eat for two.  Back to the Twinkies and Taco Bell.  After the birth of  B I got right back to WW and also started to actively garden in the backyard,  I had a huge garden.  I tilled it myself with a TG&Y tiller (we still have) and the thing just about beat me up.  I got muscled up and was in the best shape I had ever been in.  I was so strong and looked great.  Baby #2 and I let myself go again.  Not as bad and I actually lost a good part of the baby weight, not all but a lot.  

I was not happy and so food became my go too.  We were in business by the time the first girl arrived and he was working 7 days a week 12 hours a day.  I was lonely.  We lived in a part of town where I knew NO ONE except my next door neighbor.  I was lonely.  I ate and my food-drug of choice was fast food, Taco Bell and McDonald's.  I also had a friend who ate and sympathized.  Sadly she passed away from a heart attack at the age of 49...EYE OPENING!

I did do Jazzercise for about 15 years every single day and then a trainer but as of last year I have stopped.  I am not self-motivating and I know that.  I am lazy, flat lazy and I LOVE food.  Over the years I've let my knee problems dictate the lack of exercise but I'm LAZY.  I don't know if I actually sabotage myself but if you want to call being lazy sabotage then there you go.  

Doesn't really help that to work out I have to do it the first thing in the morning and frankly I don't have time in the morning anymore.  I'm usually running to the office to watch Snicklefritz or to art class or just work.  By the end of the day I am pooped.  I still am getting up at 4:45 every single day but I am enjoying my early morning to read blogs, post, read Facebook and emails, or just wake up.  Now that age 60 is looming in my very near future I know I need to get it together, but there goes all my best laid plans.  I'm a good talker yet I SIT and do nothing.  

I have discovered something though.  Last month while I was getting my monthly massage and facial I got a B12 shot they were offering.  I remembered my mother-in-law talking about getting them when she was trying to raise three rough-n-tumble boys and needed the energy.  I thought, "Why not!" Let me tell you, I didn't necessarily notice the energy but my KNEE!  The swelling and heat from the inflammation had almost disappeared!  WHAT!  I'm taking the stairs in a different, getting into a standing position is a breeze.  WOW!  Will have another one today.  

So did I answer the question?  I think I did, my Laziness sabotages any attempts to lose weight.