Donuts

Good morning all.  This morning I went back to posting my sketches on Insta and FB with a comment about how I was still feeling.  This is what I posted:

Today I was up at 4:30 yet again. It's going to be a full day so a nap will be on the agenda Sketching, well, that has been a challenge. I am still in a funk and absolutely nothing is driving me to sketch. It’s being forced because I know my art helps to pull me out of the darkness. The only thing that pulled me to sketch today was a box of donuts. Gosh, I know where my mind “wants” to go. I have to be extra vigilant with those thoughts, wanting to bury my sadness into food. I’m staying the course with 13 pounds down now. I do NOT want to risk a backslide.

I’m also very tired of everyone telling me it will be okay, things aren’t going to be as bad as you think, it will workout. My gut, which NEVER lets me down, is not feeling all this happy, happy, happy, it’s feeling knots, lots of knots.

I will share sketches but will only be here briefly. I'm avoiding the news, and social media as much as possible but want to continue to hopefully brighten your day, trust me mine needs a lot of brightening.

The comments are telling me I should seek professional help.  FUCK NO!  You do not get it people, it will not be okay and no amount of "chatting" about it or taking a f-ing Pill will help this situation.  What am I going to do, numb myself to the reality that is our future in this country for millions of women, LGBTQ+ people, blacks, yellows, browns, etc.  The reality is that our country is going to f-ing pot and everyone keeps telling me "it will be okay".  Even my hubby, who voted for her but is a R in his heart doesn't get it.  This morning he proudly came in to tell me our retirement accounts, in 11 days are WAY up.  I lit into him and he said oh no, not this crap again.  What do you think, I'm going to be good in a few days, let things die down in my heart, my mind, FUCK NO!  I know, in his R mind he really thinks it's because of the election and how it all turned out, and frankly he's probably right, but I DON'T WANT THE MONEY if this is our reality.  I am beyond devastated for women, girls.  It's a shit show folks and I am not looking forward to the day when I can look in his face and others and say, "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Also, on this last note, I am closing down this blog at the end of the year.  I will no longer post on this because you know what, censorship is coming.  I don't want my words to come back to bite me in the butt.  I'm done.  I will continue to hand journal and create art.  I will continue to love my grands, my family and keep to myself, because if I don't keep it bottled I will blow up at the most inopportune time.  Guess I'm more like my sister than I thought.  If she was here, boy FB would be on fire by now.  So hang in for a few more posts, love to all.