A day at a time. Yes it is a day at a time to heal. It's also a day by day time that you bounce from okay to grief to okay again. The first part of today was okay and all of a sudden, I'm facing grief again. I think it's from boredom. Oh I have stuff do do, but do I feel like doing it, no. I don't feel like reading, watching TV, cleaning, cooking. I just want to sit and stare. I've been down this road before and I do know how to get beyond it but you know, it's only been 9 days. I'm not going to get on the other side of grief in 9 days. It will take time, day by day. This week I've had to work in the office all day Monday, Tuesday and half of the day today and that seemed to keep my mind busy. Plus I'm juggling some legal stuff with Daddy's trust and his finances. Canceling credit cards, waiting for death certificates, canceling his paper, dealing with his bank, getting a tax ID, just lots of loose end stuff. This all helps to keep the mind busy but when I have some down time it catches up. I will watch Snicklefritz tomorrow then head off the the cabin for a bit of R&R on my splendid screened porch and new fireplace. Really need that. I'm hoping to maybe do some plein air painting, I hope just to get the mind going a different direction.
Sunday we celebrated a bundle of birthdays here, all with masks, outside, safe. The birthdays celebrated were our oldest, my sister-in-law, mother-in-law, Snicklefritz (tomorrow) and MinMin's Friday. I thought about canceling it but you just can't cancel kiddo's birthdays and my MIL is 93 today! You have to celebrate that. Earlier in the day I was watching some old home movies that our oldest daughter has been working on converting to digital. I started off with one at my Grandma's and it was inside and then ventured outside (where they could drink as Grandma did not allow alcohol inside) and then all of a sudden in the backyard walking away from the camera with their backs to the camera, there was Grandpa in his wheelchair being pushed by my Uncle Wayne and my Daddy walking beside as they chatted and talked about the yard and Grandpa's rock garden. Then my cousin, Matthew, Uncle Wayne's son rolled into the photo on his bicycle. OH MY GOD.....I lost it. There they were walking away and chatting and it hit me in the face and heart that they were ALL GONE. Wayne and Matthew too. It was so poignant and sad and I just couldn't take it. I was trying to tell The Hubby and daughter later on and I began to cry like I have NEVER cried before. I had not let loose yet and the flood gates broke. I still feel like it could happen again but probably not that dramatic.
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