Saturday, January 05, 2008

I'm feeling better today.

I woke this morning at 6:30 am (I can't seem to sleep past 7) and put my comfy's on in the dark and tip-toed to the living room. The idea that today is going to be warmer is making me very happy. I hate the cold. I hate winter. I hate not having green everywhere. Let's face it I should have been born in Florida or California or someplace year round green.

Today is the day we help Kelly starting dating again. Deep breath. Today I will go to the wedding show with B to get ideas for her wedding. Today is today. I need to go see my Daddy sometime this weekend, probably not today.

I've been doing some deep thinking about my weight lately. I have been exercising (Jazzercise) five days a week for nearly 11 years now. I really eat very well: oatmeal w/raisins every morning; no fast food; grilled this and that; small portions; the usual. The weight is high but I've dropped from size 28 to 20 in those 11 years. I have a physical every year and this year were the best results. My cholesterol and triglycerides and blood pressure were perfect. In fact the doctor wrote excellent and perfect on my results sheet. But I still feel the pressure to lose weight. I would like to lose more and be a size 14 or 16. Those stupid commericals with Valerie and Genie crying and looking so good and talking about how easy it is. It is driving me crazy and I know The Hubby is watching. Many years ago I hated New Years to come around because he would start on me, "Well, have you made your New Years Resolution! Do you have plans on losing weight." (He's very slim and muscular.) I knew the fight would ensue with "his" issues with my weight. He doesn't say anything anymore because I do work out and I do watch what I eat now but the results are just not working fast enough. I know I will never be that itsy-bitsy little thing anymore. I can't be a size 1 ever again. I'll just have to remember how tinsy I used to be. Oh wait, those days in 1974 were probably not healthy or wise. I think I could have been borderline eating disorder if I didn't like food so much. I didn't eat in high school. Breakfast was non-existent. Lunch consisted of a Dr. Pepper. Dinner was maybe a hunk of Colby cheese and carrots or celery or a piece of chicken. If Mom cooked it was good food though so I at least had dinner. My cousin and I had a contest on how flat our tummy's would be. I did 100 sit ups every single night. In the morning as I would wake up my hand would feel my flat tummy and if there was little bulge I would not eat all day long. It was not a good thing. My downfall was actually the best thing in my life. I met my future. In my small town fast food was not in abundance but with dating we usually went to Tulsa where he was from and fast food places were our hangouts. It was delicious and I ate when he ate. Not good. That is when I started the upswing. Of course, as in most marriages come pregnancies. I lost all the weight in between children but after A I just kept going up and up and up and here I am today. I really like myself and I think I'm okay but if you watch the television and get sucked into the New Years ads you can feel defeated. I've often thought about getting a personal trainer but not sure I want the abuse. We'll just see.

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