Construction, Art and Holiday Woes

A week out from the reunion and honestly I'm at a loss for my brain.  It has been so much on my mind for months that there is a void in my thinking and planning.  It's okay, I'm ready to have it done but wow.  This weekend we scooted off to the cabin on Thursday morning and it was a very long four days of sitting around.  Oh, I'm okay with the sitting around but I sensed he was antsy.  He's just not used to sitting around.  He was also anxious with what was going on around our house.  The last of the fixin'-up was going on and he was so excited to see it happening but we needed to leave.  I'll explain.  Our back patio, walks, driveway are all stained and he's spent the past couple of weeks re-staining the back squares of the patio.  Then the painter was coming to seal it all.  That meant we couldn't even walk outside or drive on the driveway for a couple of days, so cabin life it was.  He was so intriqued by the process he kept getting on the cameras to watch.  So funny, my guy.  His heart is not too far from construction that's for sure.  

This weekend and a couple of weekends ago I set up a Painting in the Wigwam for cabin life peeps.  The first weekend it was just one who showed up and this weekend it was two.  That's okay, I got a couple of nice paintings out of it and time spent with ladies visiting.  This next weekend we are going to do it at our cabin so if it's just me, then okay, it's just me.  

It was a quiet weekend too as not many were there, well there were but some had company and others, eat up with college football..blech.  Not my thing for sure.  It's so dry there too, so much so that it's just dusty.  The new house is going up next door and it is a hoss I can tell you.  It is a house, not a cabin and dwarfs our place.  

I'm continuing the daily sketches and they have really taken a life all their own.  Every time I talk to people they always make mention of them and go on and on about how much they enjoy them, especially when I add a story with them.  

Today is I was having a pretty good day, until...I got an email, we, as a family got an email.  I saw it was from one of his brothers, the oldest saying they are hosting Thanksgiving.  WHAT!  WHAT THE HECK!  Thanksgiving is MINE!  I've done it for so many years now, except last year when we have Covid!  I was so upset, I mean cussing upset, outside, big BAD words.  I was pissed.  I didn't even get heads up.  I ranted and raved to him, to the youngest on the phone.  Man I was so mad and upset to the point of tears.  I feel like everything is changing from my norm and I am having a hard time with this change.  The more I thought about it I realized that probably the reason why they want to host is because he is in bad health and if they come to our house, which is a trek from Eufaula, she would have to drive.  This would mean she couldn't see her kids for Thanksgiving.  I think I get it now but dang it, dang it, dang it!!!  It's hard enough on me that Thanksgiving wasn't like it used to be, food wise because of the vegan and vegetarian part of the day, but we had that kind of worked out.  I miss cooking a turkey, really miss it and two years in a row I won't be doing that.  You know what I plan on doing, a couple of things here.  I decided that I would embrace Christmas Day dinner.  I always have the other bro-in-law and his hubby and my kiddos and their entourage but I will extend to my brother and maybe my sisters hubby and their kiddos.  I don't expect them to come but I will extend.  I don't know if I'll do a turkey and may save that to New Year's Day.  Oh, it's just swimming around in my head.  I'll figure it out, I always do.  For now, I'll let that torch pass to Dave, for now.  

Reunion-Palooza

 WHEW, reunion-palooza is done.  Four days of partying and fun and I am toast.  It started with a meeting last week to make sure all the "T's" were crossed and the "I's" were dotted.  All along Roger had been wanting to have a kind of pre-party at his house WAY out in the country.  So we ventured there and it was such fun.  He did a BBQ and there were many classmates in attendance.  His place is just beautiful.  I had never been that far out in my life, or that I remember.  That was Thursday night.  Then Friday it was pizza night at the hotel and we arrived with many already there.  Oh gosh I could hardly sit down at the name tag table that I had to keep jumping up and hugging everyone.  We had the worst pizza ever but no one cared, they just had fun visiting, laughing and looking at yearbooks.  

Then Saturday was our big event at a convention room in the hotel with heavy appetizers.  We had arrived earlier in the day for dressing the room up and it looked great.  We also had a DJ, which The Hubby could not understand why we didn't have a dance floor.  For one, the room we had was not big enough for a dance floor.  Second, we've done that before and all of 4 people danced, not worth the money.  All we wanted to do was chat and visit and reminisce the memories of days gone by.  We had so many that had never been to a reunion and some who didn't graduate with us, moving or dropping out.  That didn't matter one whit, we embraced everyone and had the absolute best time.  I'm telling you though I was so tired and my feet so sore I could hardly put one foot in front of the other and my face hurt from smiling, my ears were ringing from all the chatter and music.  I actually walked 2,500 steps in that room alone.  When I went to bed my toes kept cramping most of the night.  

Sunday it was up again and out the door to the brunch at a local bar and grill (not my choice on the committee).  We've met there several times but it is a smoking bar and I was not happy about that.  But, you know we had about 30 that showed up.  They were on their own dime there.  I was so dead tired when I left to head home.  I/we were supposed to go to Min's 5th birthday party at the Pumpkin Patch but the thought of more noise, kid noise and more walking, I just couldn't do it.  She's coming over tomorrow and I will give her birthday present to her then and to Snicklefritz.  Their birthdays are a day apart.  Snicklefritz's is tomorrow and Min's the next day.  They're all coming over for pizza, vegan pizza, salad and I'll put a bow on a cup of Oreo's for them.  Min I have a couple of gifts and Snicklefritz I'm taking her shopping in the next few weeks.  Anyway, I headed home and sat in my chair, kicked back the foot rest and slept hard for over three hours.  I was TOAST!  

Today I spent the morning updating the address list and totaling up the numbers.  I wanted to see how many we had and I kept having people asking me.  Good Grief!  Then I needed to send out a few emails to some classmates to write letters for Roger.  His name has been pitched for him to be a Great Graduate (they do this here).  I honestly don't know much about his childhood but others do so those I tapped out.  I know him more working on this reunion and his older years.  I'll write a letter too.  We're going to make sure this happens.  He is a great guy, who has an absolute passion for these reunions, our fellow classmates that is unmatched.  

Okay, I'm out.  Still trying to play catchup with my brain and rest. 

Oh, and one of my classmates was so in awe of my hair she had to take a picture of it. LOL!

Pinecones & Memories

While scrolling through some old photos I ran across this one.  I remember it all too well.  This was my parent's 25th Anniversary.  We had them over to our tiny house, along with my brother and his wife and my Granny and my sister.  We either grilled steaks, fried chicken or grilled it, don't remember that part.  That dirt part behind me (I'm in black) is the garden that I was working on and became my way to exercise and lose the baby fat after my first daughter.  25 years, and now we are approaching our 49th year.  The only ones left from this photo are me and my brother and his wife.  Kind gets me, A LOT!  

There is a lot going on this week.  Yesterday was that daughter's 45th birthday!  I AM NOT THAT OLD, but sadly I am.  A friends husband passed away very suddenly and his funeral is this week.  We just saw him last month.  We lost a classmate of ours and we are getting ready to have our 50th class reunion this weekend.  Yes, and that is on my plate.  Lots of "i's to dot and t's to cross!"  We also have a pre-party at on of the committee members house way out in BFE (an old term bum f**k Egypt) on Thursday evening.  That is clashing with the reunion, the fair and dances that "he" wants to attend.  I WANT him to go with me to my reunion stuff but I won't force him.  It would be nice for him to be by my side and he will for part of it.  I've given him some options for attending and we will see which ones he opts for.  I'm good with whatever.  

Today’s sketch is a plain Jane pinecone. I say plain Jane but sketching it is anything but. This is a very complex little object and at first stumped me on how to start. THIS was a challenge. I started drawing from top to bottom, like I usually do, that did not work, so I erased. Next bottom up, nope, more erasing. By then the paper was smudgy, so I embraced the smudges, especially the darkness in the center or core. I enhanced some areas and then started taking out some dark areas to release the individual scales and bracts (looked that one up!) I used the pencil to create deeper darks and the eraser to release the lights and before long, I saw a pinecone. Maybe there is a lesson to learn from that. That even though there are the darks in your life just keep pushing through and you will come to light, the answer you seek will become clear. Deep or what!

Growing up on Main Street, in our front yard, my grandfather planted a pine tree when they first bought the house from Mrs. Koshow (later to become Mrs. Schumacher). She built two houses next to each other, almost identical, living next door. My parents bought the house when I was in 3rd grade from my grandparents. The pine tree was a steady fixture in my life until I think late 80’s early 90’s. That tree grew to be the tallest thing I have ever seen. The pine cones were few, and the ugliest things, long and skinny. One night, there came a storm and it was struck by lightning. Daddy was in bed, and when it struck he was absolutely knocked out of his bed. They were lucky it didn’t strike the house, but I seem to remember some appliances were damaged. Daddy was so shook by it, and I can’t remember if Momma had a story to tell about the hit. The tree died and had to finally be removed.

There’s not many places in BA that are still standing from my life. All the houses I ever lived in are gone. My high school is gone, my elementary is still there, but renamed. Sometimes I feel erased from my hometown, but the memories are still very strong and the love for the once small town I grew up in will remain forever. I miss that pine tree. It has been erased but not from my memory.

 

Anxious Nelly

Good morning.  Surprise, surprise, two days in a row I'm here.   I'm still riding high on getting in that show in NYC and now I have to deal with the details, which for some reason makes me nervous.  I printed out the details on shipping, dates, etc., and that's a whole different kind of mess.  I've done it before, I can do it.  You have to deal with shippers, which in the past have been grumpy old men (the receiving end) but they get the job done.  I have special boxes I have to send out through FedX, they're padded and very strong.  It's just a process and I need to be on my game to make it all happen.  I'm sure I will not be going to the show but who knows, right!   

Honestly, sitting here just thinking about it, typing it all out, I have a desire to FLEE from all of it, just not send in the paintings.  You know that's a pattern for me to run from stuff like this.  In high school, senior year, I tried out for talent show, Pow Wow (not called that anymore for obvious reasons.)  I practiced and practiced with my friend Becky playing the piano for me.  I sang Barbra Streisand's "People", and I was good, I knew it I felt it.  I started out shaky and too soft but I got louder.  I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED doing it.  I knew people that were quite popular and talented were watching me, listening to me and it was the biggest thing I had EVER done in my life.  I didn't even want to stand on the stage, preferring to stand by the piano down below on seat level, next to Becky, my comfort zone.  I'm telling you I remember reading the lyrics off of the piano book because I knew I would not be able to remember them in front of everyone.  But I did it.  Funny thing though, swinging back around to my point, is that I got in that show, I made it, but I never NEVER went to practice to be in it.  It was all I could do to stand up there and sing in front of those few people.  It has taken a lifetime to break out of that cocoon I built around myself, I'm a much different person now, sort of.  I've stood up in front of people and spoken, I've even done Karaoke before (a little liquid courage on board), but I've done it, I've overcome that shy, introverted girl, mostly.  This shipping stuff seems to bring that stuff up sometimes.  Makes my tummy flutter and me to take a lot of cleansing breaths. 

Oh by the way, down 5 pounds as of this morning.  It's been 7 days since I was in my doctors office, 6 days of watching the carby thing, 5 pounds down.  It will probably fall off pretty quick in the beginning, enough to help with the next blood test, I hope.  The Hubby asked this morning if I was going to tackle the pharmacy and insurance to get that damn pill.  Pisses me off, really does.  I told him I really thought I could do this on my own.  I just hate to take a pill for stuff and you just don't know what the long term effects are going to be.  He promptly said, "Well, you've not been able to do it before, you need to do something."  I AM YOU JERK!  For GOD'S SAKE, I have given up bread, potatoes, pasta, DRINKING, fast food.  I'm eating giant salads for lunch, this morning I ate egg bites (7 carbs-vs-my protein bars of 38 carbs).  I'm going to make my own.  I'm cooking very clean and have been for awhile.  But of course, on my counter is a German chocolate cake our friends made for him for his birthday.  He sat right next to me last night eating it, didn't wait till I headed to the bedroom to watch TV.  He has ice cream every night with chocolate syrup but has the decency to eat it AFTER I've left the room.  He wants to snack and gets frustrated if I don't have a bag of chips or crackers or the right cheese HE likes.  It's very frustrating.  He eats everything I fix for him but these added things are not helping.  It's not that I like GCC, I don't it's the smelling it while he is eating.  It's the crunch of the chips I can hear.  AND I'M NOT A BINGE EATER EITHER! I'm making the right choices and that will be what helps me get this weight down.  If I can just get it down to manageable for my body, my health, that is what matters.  STICK TO MY GUNS!!!  

Good News, Bad News

 I am back.  Just can't seem to post here lately.  Probably because I've been knee deep in 50th reunion planning.  Plus I've been kind of worrying about my health.  Oh, don't worry, I'm good.  Went to the doctor Monday and proudly went in, stepped on the scale and didn't faint when it tipped a weight I've never been.  DAMMIT!  My blood pressure was great though and doc and I had a nice visit where he said, "I pronounce you healthy."  That made me feel good but then I was off to the lab for blood work, which always makes me a bit nervous.  I was right to be nervous because my glucose was way up, never has been and caused him to be concerned and request more blood work in the next month.  He is on the verge of saying prediabetic.  DAMMIT!  We also discussed the weight loss drugs yet again and decided the shot-ones are not for me.  The question of my thyroid and thyroid problems in my family is a no AND there's also the problem with constipation.  I've had that problem most of my life until I started fiber which changed my life.  I flat out told him I have a love affair with my bowel movements and I do not want to mess that up, he totally agreed.  So he prescribed a pill called Contrave, which also has some of those issues, not as bad.  I still have picked it up yet because my insurance, Medicare, which is supposed to cover it, is putting the brakes on.  BUT, I've taken the bull by the horns and really started to do the very low carb diet, yet again.  So since Tuesday morning till today, I've lost 3 pounds!  I think I can do this.

Saturday morning I opened my emails while at the cabin and gasped when I saw a notice from an art show I had forgotten that I entered the past couple of weeks.  It was a notice that I had juried into another art show at the Salmagundi in NYC!  It's a different group than last time, and not only did I get one in the show, I got two in the show!!!!!  

“I am happy to inform you that CLWAC’s jury of selection has accepted your work for the 127th Annual Catharine Lorillard Wolfe Art Club Open Juried Exhibition, at the Salmagundi Club, 47 Fifth Avenue, NY, NY to be held on November 19 through December 6, 2024, with awards reception and final removal on December 7, 2024.”

I'll share later which paintings are in it as they have asked to not put them on social media until the show starts.  This show has prizes too!  I was so excited I cried.  It is validation that I am an actual artist, a good artist.  

I'll keep you posted.

The weekend also brought a bit of bad news, family and friends.  The brother-in-law is in the hospital with Covid and sepsis but is getting better.  Also, just before our 50th class reunion next weekend, we lost a classmate, a well known one too.  He battled cancer for several years.  

In the meantime here are some more sketches I've been working on.  

A Lighter Post

 Sketching continued:

A Ramble

This morning, THIS MORNING!  I am having brain issues this AM.  It's 10:15 and I feel rattled, confused and just bogged down.  I had a good nights sleep but I think all the construction crap has taken a toll.  I went to my OsteoStrong workout and just seemed like I needed to go back to sleep.  The constant-ness of having workers in and around our house for the past, what, 5 weeks now has messed for the final time with my brain.  You know you get into a routine and it has just been flipped around and discombobulated all to hell.  Didn't help that I was planning on coming into the studio this morning and do art, but NOOOoooo, not to happen.  First of all the gas company has been doing all kinds of work around this area and are digging up our sidewalk and replacing!  They are increasing the lines, pressure, etc in the area.  The gas has been turned off because of all they are doing so they need to get back inside once they turn it on and make sure all is right.  I needed to be here for that, but NOooooo, he's here too now, listening to videos and then one of our ex-employees/friend has stopped in and they are sitting here talking shop.  Had to put my airbuds in and play music to cut the shop-talk down at least a bit.  

So, here I was opening the mail to pay a couple of bills when I open the electric bill.  We get several and I have to pay attention to what bill goes to what building.  I opened the bills to find a DISCONNECTION NOTICE!  WTF!  Well, crapola.  With a bit of investigation I realized I paid the studio building bill out of our personal account and noted it to our house.  I thought I had it paid and I did but wrong account number.  I was wondering why the house bill one the first of the week had a zero balance, now it all makes sense.  I had to do the automated system and pay it with the credit card, over $800, that's fun.  Again for the past month or two my brain has been in construction and chaos mode and it is showing up with mistakes like this.  DAMMIT!  

My mind too has been thinking about me, who I am, why I am like I am.  It's been really at the forefront of my brain so I need to blog, write about it to dump it.  I think it's because I sent that letter to my friend, the Dear Jane letter and the weekend and weird stuff at the cabin with the friend group there.  I just feel unseen sometimes and that has triggered some very old feelings from my youth and who I've become as an adult and why I do the things I do.  Lots of revelations going on in my brain.  

When I was a teenager, 16-17 and the dating scene I was stood-up a few times.  One time it happened on a New Year's Eve when I invited a guy I was kind of dating to our house for a NYE party, oh and I was 18 at that time.  It was his birthday.  It was also the first time I got drunk, at home with my family, Mai Tai's!  I was so upset and so drunk.  I remember laying in my bed crying and Daddy sitting at the side of the bed trying to console me.  I was wailing about how horrible I felt, how horrible it all felt being forgotten.  What was wrong with me.  Why can't people just get to know me.  I'm an interesting person.  Why can't they see it.  I'm telling you, that night hit me so hard and has stayed with me every time I am forgotten, like when my friend forgot the lunch date (not once but several times.)  I get this overwhelming feeling that I am not good enough, that I am not interesting, that I just don't know how to interact in groups.  I'm telling you it is a teenage feeling that has stayed with me till now.  It also kind of explains why when I meet people I can kind of overwhelm them with information, about myself they may not want to know.  It may make them back off because I can do that and I see it in myself.  But you know what, I am an interesting person.  I'm cool.  I'm talented.  I'm accomplished.  It's just an introspection into the deepness that is me.  

Okay, now on an off topic and a bit political.  The Hubby wanted to go see the movie Reagan.  I didn't necessarily want to see it but I told him I would go see it.  We have not been to a movie together for a bit so it was a tad weird with the check-in process.  Anyway, the before movie previews were so slanted to the blue side and I think they were to offset the red side of the movie.  My opinion, that movie was so hokey.  I hated it.  He loved it because he felt that Reagan was one of our greatest presidents...my opinion, absolutely not.  So the whole movie afternoon, when I really needed to get away from all the political shit was thrown in my face.  

Okay, hopefully the next post will be a bit lighter.  

 

Still Remodel Hell

MORNING!  It is a glorious morning of STILL IN REMODEL MODE!  The painters will soon arrive to continue taping and prepping the windows for paint.  We're afraid that the may leave to finish up a job at OSU they came from.  The Hubby said that they are here only because that job is waiting for the electricians to finish their work and when they do they are OFF!  NOOooooooooo!!!!  They can't leave us hanging with no way to hang curtains and living with a sheet on the window.  I'm so fearful this is going to drag out forever and I at the point of blowing.  Yesterday the brother-in-law and his hubby popped in the help measure and decide which drapes and hardware to order.  I was so happy to see them as it's been since Easter that we laid eyes on them.  I miss them so much.  They helped us measure and find the perfect drapes for the front bedroom and our bedroom.  I am so glad to get that done and just wait for it all to be delivered. 

I have been sketching a little sketch every day so yesterday was my Daddy.  I love it.  Today is the rooster.  He was so much fun.  I was up again at 4:30 today so by 6:30 I was sketching.  It's funny, there is a couple of old guy on FB who are quite happy to share their opinion on my sketches.  Good grief!

 

This and That Monday

Good morning all.  Lots to chat about.  First is the sketch for the day.  I did it at 6:30 this morning because I was awake at 4 AM!!!  Honestly I dozed off about 10:30 last night and didn't wake up till 4 so I guess that's good, not even to pee!  My first thought as my eyes opened was, yes it is still dark outside but my there is an awful lot of light streaming through that damn sheet!  We have a fairly thin sheet over the newly installed window until we get something else to cover it.  I took him to task yesterday about why he says that the shutters are too expensive over what we've already spent on everything we've done plus more to come. I fessed up he really does not like shutters, but I said I DO and that is really what I want.  I've thought about it and thought about it, and I've looked at drapes but I really want shutters.  If I go ahead and let him win and have to look at the drapes for the rest of my life I will be sad and unhappy about the decision.  He has had his way on so much other stuff, the windows, the garage, which I had no say so about.  These shutters are what I need to make a decision on.  

And to be clear, most of the time this man of mine is absolutely oblivious to most of his surroundings.  He would not have made a good cop because he is not observant.  I mean I walked out of the house this morning and I can tell you that as I walked past him he didn't even notice what I was even wearing. If I went missing and they asked him to describe what I was wearing he would be at a loss.  I sat next to him for a couple of hours a few days ago and sketched and he never, NEVER saw me do it later when I showed it to him, asking when I did it.  GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!  Yet he obsesses over how the forks and spoons in the silverware drawer are laying, spending an inordinate amount of time making them perfect.  He notices if I move his chair in the slightest.  He notices if we run low on toilet paper, paper towels, mustard not even LOOKING IN THE PANTRY.  I have to get up and look for him because if I give him directions: "third shelf down on the long shelves in the basket," he still can't see it.  After nearly 49 years sometimes it just makes me a bit crazy, but I love him and endure it all, even the snoring and kicking feet and legs every single night when he comes to bed before I can fall asleep. 

Another thing, different subject.  In November I wrote about an incident that happened with my friend, my best friend.  It is still taking a toll on me and I am still angry.  Angry at her, angry at the situation, just angry and not feeling being a friend anymore.  She stood me up and not for the first time.  There have been lots and lots of other stuff that has set my teeth on edge but basically, I'm done.  At least done in the bestie department, but still a friend.  We just do not run in the same circles anymore, we haven't even spoken, SPOKEN to each other in nearly two years and we live miles from each other, but I digress.  Saturday was her birthday and I wanted to just say Happy Birthday to her and wasn't sure how to do it so I just posted on FB HB, knowing that she would respond.  All along she has sent me weird texts, maybe comment on a FB post but that's all after nearly a year.  I have been waiting for at least a phone call to apologize but it never happened.  So I posted HB and she responded with  " Thank you, dear one. Lunch next week? I will pick you up at your preferred location. I promise to grovel. I miss you."  Well, that kind of sent me into a bit of a quandary in my head.  I didn't know how to respond.  I do not want to see her.  I'm still angry and not sure I want to make her cry and see it and that is what would happen if I did.  So I reached out to my girls for assistance and they were great help.  So yesterday I wrote her a note.  A note you ask.  Well, for one thing she never EVER reads her email and text messages can go for days without a reply and frankly, I think that would be tacky to do a sort of "Dear John" letter via tex.  So I sat down an wrote to her explaining I needed a break, I needed to heal, that my expectations of her in this friendship are just not something she is capable of, nor does she know that I have them, which is unfair to her.  We have just grown too far apart and that is quite sad but it is what it is and I am not really sad about it.  We had a great friendship while it lasted but sometimes they can run their course and sometimes find their way back, much like my bestie from high school.  We've reconnected and it's like we were never apart, but it took time, time I need again from this other friend.  I certainly hope she understands. 

Renovation and Sketching

Good morning.  It's been a minute for sure.  Just seems like it is just one thing after another lately.  The saga that is our home rejuvenation is still ongoing.  The last post was the water in the offices and it was the day we had our new garage door installed.  By the way, the office flooding, all is good.  The computer and printer are all up and running fine.  Thank goodness.  This week it has been the installation of all new windows mostly in the front of the house and some side windows.  That was an entire week process and I was not entirely happy about it, still aren't in some aspects.  I'm not happy because I have to come up with window coverings, my most unfavorite thing to do.  AND, it means that I lose my beloved plantation shutters, maybe. We were able to keep the ones in the front room, his office, even though he says they don't let enough light in.  Bull.  He just doesn't like them.  I do, they are like a white picket fence for me and I want them.  In our bedroom we had a full window of them but now it is a sheet.  When I said I really wanted them he said they were too expensive.  After I've slept on this I was like, "HEY, wait a minute..."  After all this expense of new garage door, new windows, and this next week new awning curtains and awning over porch AND a new A/C-Heater unit, plantation shutters are too expensive and that is what YOU wanted...No F....king Way!!!  I'm getting ready to do battle.  Watch me.  Also, the painter still has to come in and paint the trim and the outside areas like over the garage door to match.

Old

New

New doors too.  He wanted just plain clear class, all of it.  I put the brakes on that idea and it's got texture.

See how nice these shutters look, and all the LIGHT!  

It really does look pretty now.

I've also spent the past couple of weeks doing a lot of just plain sketching and really enjoying it.  

My Greatgranny, and yes she had that kind of big nose, I have it too.

Daddy and Susie

Today I am preparing to write a letter to my friend.  She calls me her best friend but she and I need to talk, via letter.  More later.