Friday, July 27, 2012

Dear Momma,

Yesterday I posted about not really having anything to say but it was a lie.  I was just trying to forget that yesterday was a day I did not want to remember.  Yesterday was the anniversary of the day my mother took her last breath.  2006 was the hardest year I have ever gone through as I chronicled here:

SEPTEMBER '05: Bought new house
DECEMBER 06: Start packing
Pack #2 kiddo to move to Phoenix
Start remodel of new house
Ready our house to sell
JANUARY: 3 Move #2 to Phoenix
16 Meet with funeral home to pre-plan for Momma
27 Our house for sale (lot of open houses)
23 Our 30th Anniversary
FEBRUARY: 6 Mom bad spell
12 Sold House (2 ½ weeks)
MARCH: 4 - 8 #1 kiddo and I to Phoenix to see #2 kiddo
4 GAIL passed at Barry’s 50th B’day party
8 Gail’s funeral
10 Moving Day
11 Another 50th B’day party to attend
13 Close on house
21 Mom another bad spell
APRIL: Mom- couple of bad spells, called in Hospice
MAY: 6 Momma and Daddy’s 51st Wedding Anniversary
#2 home for a weekend visit
Mom - lots of bad spells, falling down 3 times

JUNE: 1 Moved Mom into nursing home
2 Leave for St. Louis to celebrate my 50th Birthday
Numerous phone calls from nursing home and hospice
12 Momma fell in the nursing home and broke her hip - up all night on phone
14 Mom’s hip replacement surgery
17 Over Beloved puppy dog of 12 years passed away
18 Father’s Day for my sad Daddy
22 Mom moved to LTAC (Long Term Acute Care facility
29 Officially checked Momma out of 1st nursing home ....for now
JULY: 6 Hospital called about putting in a feeding tube
7 Wait for call from Bro that he and Daddy went to hospital and had meeting with Mr. Xing to see why Mom did not want feeding tube. Tried eating stimulant and she ate just fine Doc was confused by our not wanting to do it but Mom didn’t want it.
11 (Tuesday 4:30 pm) Hospital called me to say they wanted Momma moved to Skilled Care nursing home possibly by Thursday (July 13)?????!!!
12 Started the phone calls to put in motion the move.
13 Started doing the paperwork to put in motion the move to Nursing Home and had it ready for the move on Friday...the hospital decided to wait till Monday???
WORK - Insurance auditor "dropped" in unannounced.
15 Would have been Gail’s 50th Birthday - Had her hubby for dinner 
17 Moved Momma to Nursing Home - Skilled Care
18 Daddy had a screaming fit at a poor pregnant rehab nurse

26 Momma took her last breath

It is now 2012, six years later and with a lot of tears, journaling here and in my hand written journal, a bit of therapy and I have come out on the other side of the depression that 2006 left for me.  Turning 50 didn't help at all with the sadness but the loss of so many in my life was almost more than I could bear.  Today, six years later I can still cry at the mention of her, Gail, and our sweet puppy, but now I know that the tears are temporary and life goes on.  You can't stop it, you just have to get through the sadness and move on.  I can see that so much good has happened, and some bad.  Daddy's horrible experience with the hip replacement wasn't very much fun but the good outweighs.  Our wonderful journey in fixing up our house; reconnecting with my bestie from high school; B's wedding and now awaiting B&B's new arrival of our first grandchild, a little girl; my journey to find who I want to be, an artist...see life barrels forward whether you want it to or not.  You can't stop it and you have to let the wounds heal so you can continue the good life.  Remember but don't forget.  I miss them all.


Beryl said...

2006 was quite the year - I hope you never have another like that!

Anonymous said...

:-( hugs to you . . .