Better Days

We have a new granddog...Name is Vance, maybe.  He's all puppy breath, puppy kisses and so very soft and cuddly.  

Denial

 

My first painting, "Fan In Window"

Denial.  I am once again going to rant here about denial.  I have continued over and over again to jury into various shows and organizations with a never ending flurry of red "X's".  I'm very frustrated and confused to what the problem is.  This past couple of months I have once again received notices that I was turned down from Oil Painters of America, American Impressionist Society, National Oil Painters Society, and yesterday, yet again, for the fifth time, Women Artists of the West.  I've been asked many times from friends and family why I continue to try, why don't I just enjoy painting and let it be that.  Am I fooling myself that I think I'm better than I really am.  Am I just not as good as my ego is trying to make me.  I keep trying because I have a goal and I would like to attain it before I die.  Aren't you supposed to set goals in your life.  It's what drives us isn't it.  But sometimes it's hard to continue to get beat down over and over again.  I WANT TO achieve this goal but when you continually pay money to enter these competitions and get shot down EVERY SINGLE TIME, then I guess it's time to give up but I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP.  I don't want to be a failure and that's what it feels like.  I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was being denied, failure and it made me not want to get out of bed.  My studio partner is kind of a "Debbie-Downer" when I talk to her.  She's already been in one of these competitions once and said she's not interested in doing it again.  I know she's going through some family stuff that is taking her down but she was a inspiration to me and we were doing this a lot of the time TOGETHER and now she's like, "been there, done that" kind of attitude.  Well, I HAVEN'T been there, done that YET!  I want to achieve this goal but am really doubting myself.  

This past weekend I took several of my paintings to the cabin because I'm going to have a Screened Porch Art Show and Sale on Saturday, this next weekend.  We hosted a dinner Friday night and I knew that several of the people attending would not be there on Saturday.  It was a good call because I sold three of my paintings right off the bat.  Honestly why create all these paintings if they are going to sit in a pile and never hang anywhere.  I want, I NEED to sell them to make space so I can create more, and I need some validation that I'm doing my best and entering into the show and competitions is giving me that boost I need.  

Oh, maybe this is a useless rant, I don't know.  I'm just feeling very down about it all and that is not good for me to be creating art. 

Week Wrap-up

A dieting we will go.  Yes, I am still low carb-ing it and finally the scale is moving in the right direction after being quite stuck.  I'm down 14 pounds now and I can feel it and you can physically see it on me.  I think spring, warmer weather and better veggies are helping me.  The Hubby is eating pretty much everything I'm eating now and that does help.  I don't deny myself though.  The other night I went out with my book club and I was good for dinner of salmon, grilled veggies and a salad, BUT I did indulge in a dessert.  That's okay and the next morning is when the scale shifted.  I'm totally good with that.  

Thursday night I didn't want to order in or go out which is our usual Thursday night thing but instead fixed a large omelet to share with spinach, cheese and some leftover bruschetta over the top.  It was so tasty and he loved it.  

Friday evening at the cabin we hosted a dinner for 12 on the porch with grilled beef tenderloins.  Everyone brought a veggie, appetizer, salad or dessert to share.  It was fantastic and feels like getting back to the good times again.  We had cocktails, we girls call it "Day-Drinking" at 4:30 and a couple of the guys joined us.  Then the crowd started showing up and the guys decided to sit around the unlit firepit in the yard for cigar smoking and we girls enjoyed the porch.  Dinner was served and the beef was devoured.  After a quick dessert (I did not eat) of cheesecake the cigar crew went to P&T's covered porch because a light rain had begun to fall.  Our porch is the best for rain gatherings.  We girls and a guy stayed put and enjoyed the rain and music and lots and lots of laughter.  I so love my friends there and our cabin.  

We had to go home Saturday so I could watch Mini and Snicklefritz and The Hubby had a guy gathering and dance in the evening.  We were quite busy this weekend.  

I was reminded by our youngest that it had been a year since she, her hubby and baby Mini moved here from California.  A year since these two cousins have become the best of friends.  It is the bright spot during this damn pandemic, bringing my family to one town and with all that has happened since Daddy and my dear MIL-Gloria passing.   You have to look for the bright spots to get through the bad spots.  Yes we have lost loved ones but they got to experience the love of the babies a lot at the end.  

I could not be happier having ALL my girls around me.  I have needed my family complete and whole again.  

 

Life Carries On

Life carries on.  This past week the CDC lifted the mask thing and I couldn't be happier as is the entire US.  This past weekend we drifted off to the cabin and enjoyed a very quiet time with friends, unmasked.  We were not to worry because they've all been vaccinated!  Friday evening we had a few over for pizza and chitter-chatter.  So nice sitting on the screened porch.

Last night (Saturday) we were invited to another cabin we don't usually party at.  Just haven't been invited but last night was a weenie roast and pot luck.  It was so much fun around the fire pit with friends again.  Seems like life is being restored again to a comfortable pace and I couldn't be happier.

 

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day

This weekend I toddled off to Edmond for a Derek Penix painting workshop.  While away, just overnight mind you, this is what I came back to.  The sink, after only one night and one person in the house was nothing but glasses.  He is a funny guy with his glass usage.

I DID come home to this, an empty dishwasher, both drawers.  That has been his new thing that he does around the house is keep it empty and I just keep it loaded with dirty dishes, i.e. his glasses.

I also woke up this morning to a card and two vases of roses and carnations.

Part of the roses are going to his mother's grave today.  Her loss is still very fresh in our hearts.

The workshop was just what the doctor ordered.  Day 1 was slow taking off but was fun to listen, learn and chatter with fellow artists.

I've done many workshops over the years but this time I feel I've finally managed to scale the crap down that I bring.

Yesterday I managed to paint this little jewel and Derek actually said, "Fabulous Carla."  He has NEVER said that about my paintings.  I'll take the compliment.  It's not quite finished and hopefully I will get it all done tomorrow.  This week should be some quality time in front of my easel with my newfound feeling of wanting to PAINT!

Again, Happy Mother's Day to all the momma's of the world.  To my Momma and mother-in-law in heaven and to my darling daughters as they travel the world of motherhood.

I Said NO MORE

I THOUGHT I said I was done with loss, whether it was human or furbaby, but I guess my request was not heeded.

This magnificent boy was Mondo.  He was my first granddog and today he crossed over the rainbow bridge.  

Mondo was with them at the beginning and no truer, loyal dog was there.

I'm not a big dog fan but this guy had my heart.  

Little (ha) Mondo was found on a deserted jobsite in Rose, Oklahoma by a friend of our oldest.  He was a puppy, extremely thin, flea and tick infested.  He was dumped.  But luckily that friend snatched him up and he was brought to town, tended to and adopted by B&B.  

This boy was so tender, loud when needed, but so tender.

He was the same age as our dear Clayton that we lost last week and they were such buddies from the beginning.  

Oh how I'm going to miss the sweetness he doled out when I went to their house.  

For a puppy that was dumped he ended up with the best family ever, loved so much, and gave him the best life he could live.  He was part of their family and will be sorely missed.  Too many tears are flowing lately and I so worry about Snicklefritz and how she is handling so much loss, her Great-papa, her Mimi, our Clayton and now her precious Mondo.  

 

A Weekend of Peace

I was able to boogie away early Friday morning to the cabin with The Hubby to follow Saturday.  When I arrived it was very clear that my beautiful Carolina Jasmine was DEAD.  This glorious vine was nothing but dead twigs left from the late in the season hard freeze.  So The Hubby spent Saturday afternoon cutting it all down and now we have to replant.  In the meantime I had morning glory seeds and sunflowers, sweet peas and marigolds he sprinkled around.  Hopefully they take.  

Time to myself early Saturday morning was what I so needed.  A roaring fire in our new fireplace to ward off the chill, a good book that I hardly cracked open, my journal, coffee and I was content.  I spent a lot of time journaling which seems to help me a lot.  Trust me I write a lot in the journals that I never post here, mostly.  LOL.  I also filled my bird feeders for the first time this season and need to get more seed the next time.  I am not going to do hummingbirds this year because I'm not there to keep the feeders cleaned out like they should be.  With the Carolina jasmine they were content but now I don't have that.  My peonies and clematis were beginning their bloom too.  Seems the flowering is tad later than in town.  

I took several golf cart rides around to just enjoy the quiet and beauty of the place.  The cabin next door, the owner has finally torn the rat-trap down and this is all that is left.

It had been collapsing for several years and was just a place for critters to crawl into.  He tore it down to nothing but this fireplace by the insistence of the board.  Some people were afraid that kids would get into it but I've never, EVER seen a child try to crawl into the thing.  He has the whole thing for sale, but the asking price is unrealistic, for a lot.  He has an inflated idea that he's going to get the money that a lot of the other cabins are getting, but DUDE, all you have is a broken fireplace.  

My drives around the place was so lush with green.  Green has got to be my favorite color.

The creek is flooding again a bit because of all the recent rains.  Sand Bass runs are affected yet again this year making the act of catching them really hard.  Our freezer is empty of fish so far.

I hope to have captured some photos that I can paint from too.  I love the reflections of this photo.

The butterflies were flitting all around too along my drive.  I so love spring and it not only is the rejuvenation of the land but of my soul.  Now we heal from all the loss in our world.  Time does truly heal.  

Oh, good news.  Linda and I are attending a short 2-day art workshop just a couple hours away.  We both need this to inspire us and it's with our dear friend and phenomenal internationally known artist, Derek Penix.  He recently moved to California and is traveling through on his way to the east coast to do a string of workshops and since he is coming through set up a quick workshop.  We are thrilled.