Wednesday, January 13, 2021

That Dang Sorrow Thing

Yesterday was CRAZY at the office.  I had to clean up my desk first after The Hubby opened a couple of days worth of mail, or partially opened.  I really wish he would leave that to me.  Some things get confusing and he gets confused.  One of the things was an invoice and it said past due on it.  Of course that set him off thinking I am not doing my job.  Upon checking I did indeed pay the bill and the check even cleared the bank.  It is not my fault but the company who sent the bill.  But this is what happens when he ASS-U-ME-S  that I have messed up.  Plus the desk is a mess once he has gone through all the stuff.  Anyway, I cleared the piles and went through what I needed to and then started on the business selling guys worksheets that I did not finish.  KNEE DEEP in forms, digging in old files, ARGHHHHHH.  I really hate doing this kind of thing but I finally finished then headed to workout, post office, bank and then Daddy's bank to deposit the last refund from the gas company.  Next week I should be able to close his checking.  While driving down the Broken Arrow Expressway I was hit with sadness yet again over the loss.  It's funny that it usually hits me on that drive because I know I won't be going to see him anymore, that our chats are nor more, that I won't be driving in the curvy driveway anymore.  I purposely drove by the place and there is nothing but dark loamy soil all dug up waiting to be smoothed and a new house to be started.  Honestly that didn't bother me as much as the drive.  It will truly take time to get over the sorrow of loss but it will never be truly gone.  Momma and Gail have both been gone for nearly 15 years now and that hurt is still there, just not as sharp a pain as it once was.  I mean it has only been a little over 3 months and a lot has happened in that short span.  

Last night I woke up about 2:30 a.m. and of course I could not go back to sleep.  When I wake up like that lately my mind starts going over all that has happened in those 3 months, 6 months, past year.  2020 was the year from hell, not just for me but for the whole world.  2021 is not starting out much better but hopefully with the vaccine and upcoming spring and summer the future will be brighter.  I'm choosing to look at it that way and it really helps having warmer days and lots and lots of sunshine, at least it makes my mind happy.  

Today, I'm going to TRY to get a slot for a vaccine but if I don't I'm not going to stress as I stay to myself mostly.  Then it is off to the studio finally to work on the floral I started the other day.  Tomorrow I have Snicklefritz all day while she is doing virtual school and her mom is in-person working at her new office.  I help where needed and I'm needed for them.  


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