Sunday, September 06, 2020


Good morning all.  It's been a few since I've posted.  What can I tell you, I've been busy. Between work (end of the month, 1st of the month stuff), painting, watching granddaughters, doctor appointments and Daddy stuff life has been busy.

We did scoot off to the cabin for a bit of R&R and the entire place is glorious.  I just makes my heart sing to be there and away from LIFE!
Summer is nearing the end and I want to soak up all I can of the green and warmth before fall and cold hit.  If I've not said before I HATE THE COLD!
I believe these sweet purple flowers are called Lady Thumbs and were full of bees, wasps and tons of butterflies.
I believe these sweet purple flowers are called Lady Thumbs and were full of bees, wasps and tons of butterflies.

My entire body just hurts when it's cold, but I do look forward to using the new outdoor fireplace at the cabin a lot this fall.  

In town this week we had a bit of rain and these clouds I captured stepping out of my car at the office.  Just splendid aren't they, and all of these photos may become a painting in the future.

I did manage to finish these two this week but it was mostly go in for 30 minutes and dab and run.  It has not been easy to complete a painting lately.  My time has been so ragged and I will explain in a bit.
"Summer Harvest" 10x30 oil on gallery wrap

"Trapped" 18x24 oil on linen (self portrait)

Now this guy.  My Daddy.  He's had a busy few weeks.  His nephews wife, Vickie, came to visit.  His nephew passed away a couple of years ago.  Right after Momma died Daddy went to visit them in Arizona where his half-sister Dee lived with Dennis and Vickie.  Daddy stayed for 6 months with them and LOVED every minute of it.  Vickie took great care of him, even though he ended up in the hospital with pneumonia while there!  Anyway, Vickie decided to do a cross-country vacation in her RV, by herself to visit friends and Daddy and the family was on her agenda.  I can't say I was too happy that she would be staying with him but it is what it is and Daddy was too excited to have her visit.  After her visit and she was on her way Daddy fell last weekend.  She was already in Texas but he called her, not my brother, sister or I.  He finally called my brother who went over and checked on him.  He was fine except a bark on his arm.  She proceeded to question our care of him.  Truly, he has been just fine until about a week ago.  I have thought he looked a bit jaundice and brother took him to the doctor and he has hepatitis A!!!  Good grief.  Would probably not be a problem because you get over it with no meds BUT, Daddy has cirrhosis of the liver.  The doctor did say he need to drink water, lots of water and I guarantee he is not doing that.  In fact Daddy has a new addiction, Pepsi.  He grew up with Pepsi being a staple in his household and he has reverted to drinking gallons of it.  I'm sure that is not helping his liver.

Dehydration can lead to memory issues and confusion and now Daddy is having some of that and he fell again last night.  He knew that my sis and I were out of town but who did he call, ME!  I called my brother and he ran over to check on Daddy.  We are not too sure if we should respond to these phone calls because he told brother yesterday, before the fall, that he had fallen in the bathroom but when brother questioned it he said, "well, I almost fell."  He exaggerates a lot, cries wolf so we are leary of the dire phone calls.  

Today is my turn to go over and check on him.  Honestly, I'm so afraid to even walk in the door, afraid he will be gone or in such trouble I will have to call 911.  He told my sister last week that he would not let Carla, me put him in a nursing home again.  Oh boy, that last time it WASN'T ME, it was the doctor, I had nothing to do with it but in his mind I'm the bad guy.  In fact, every time he has been in the nursing home/skilled nursing care was the doctors call, NOT ME!  Frankly, he can't even afford to be in a nursing home.  I'm not sure what we can do for him.  The doctor might be able to order home health care, we hope.  If he can make it to Wednesday, his next doctor appointment we pray that is what happens at this point.  Not sure what we are going to be able to do.  I've been tossing and turning most of the night and am weary in my mind with worry with all the stuff we need to do, can do, can't do, what to do, etc.  It is endless worry and I feel my blood pressure going up as I type.  

After the ordeal with mother and being with her as she gasped her last breath, saying my name, I just want to RUN AWAY and hide.  I don't want to do this again.  It took me three years to get over the depression that hung like a black cloud over me after mother died.  I just feel on the edge of breaking down right now.  I'm holding it all back because I'm afraid I won't be able to get hold of myself.  Losing a parent, especially a belligerent parent is rough.  Plus I worry what we would do money wise, what to do with his kitty, the house, etc.  His Susie cat I always said I would take but I'm not going to.  I hope we will be able to get her into Street Cats and find her a great home.  I just can't take her.  We already have Clayton and he's beginning to be a handful with his age, peeing issues, and when we are away from him he has separation anxiety issues lately.  

There is so much going on and with Covid hanging over us too it's going to be tough how we handle all this.  If you read this please, PLEASE say some prayers, send good vibes, anything that we muddle through this journey.  


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