Sunday, November 05, 2017

Sunday Ramble

It's early, 6:15 A.M., that is on daylight savings time.  It's funny that I actually woke up at the usual 5 A.M. time even thought it was 6, so I guess I did get an extra hour in.  Man, I need more coffee, that's too much for the brain this early in the morning.  

Clayton is of course up with me ready to eat.  It's so nice that he is finally eating normal again.  Well, normal is not exactly right because he is on Prescription diet with two kinds of antibiotics that we have to fix.  What's bad is that before he got sick I had purchased nearly $100 of dog food, canned and two bags of his lamb bites dry.  I'm not sure he can go back to eating that yet.  He has a can and a half of the Prescription stuff left so I will call on Monday and see what the vet says.  He still has an occasional spit up thing but that is actually a normal for him as he has acid reflux going on too.  I'm just glad he's better and I can smother him in kisses and hugs and he's in my lap letting me do that.

I have a dilemma going on in my heart and head today.  I have not been to see my father in nearly 2 weeks, since he yelled at me the last time.  I can't seem to make myself go there again.  I just don't want him to do that again but I know he probably needs me to write some checks for him.  It's not something you put yourself willingly into.  I'm in a happy place right now with work, my life, painting and I don't know if I want to upset that again as it takes a toll on my well being.  When The Hubby and I went to dinner the other night he told me that when I was trying to tell him what Daddy had done and then I broke down and sobbed, that he had not seen me cry like that in years, since Momma died.  He was actually angry at Daddy.  He said that it really bothered him that I was so hurt.  That I was basically attacked by my father.  We've had a lot of discussions about Daddy and the man he is and was and that he has not changed.  I think Momma kept him even to an extent but he is reverting to the man I grew up with and I think that is what hurts so very much.  I thought he had changed but in reality not.  I know, I know, he is an 82 year old man but that does not give him the right to be a jerk, again, to make me a grown ass woman CRY again, like a little girl and be scared of him.  I'm sorry but I do not forgive him.  I am hurt and I will stay home I think again today.  Maybe this week I will venture that way but I have to heal my heart here.  You know he yelled at B and little Snicklefritz several months ago too.  Don't remember about what but it's why they haven't been back either.  It scared Snicklefritz and B.  The man puffs up like an angry peacock and let me tell you sometimes it's for the scare factor, but I know, for a fact that he has been physical and I think that is what is so scary.  

I hope Time Does Heal in this case but I don't see it happening.  

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