Thursday, October 26, 2017

Another Day of Sadness

My day this morning (should say yesterday morning) as it is 1:30 a.m. that I am writing this.  I got up early, 4:30 in fact because my carpel tunnel was driving me nuts.  Since I was up I decided to work on another gallery application.  That kind of done I decided to clean the kitchen, really scour and do a load of sheets.  Feeling accomplished it was out the door to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions and get a flu shot then gas up the car to head to Daddy's.  I was on deck to be there when the home health care nurse came to see him.  I have to preface this that the day before Sister told me that he drove his car (not supposed to yet or he looses his home health care) to get gas SO he could mow his yard on his brand spanking new riding lawnmower.  

I've been paying his bills for him and keeping track in Quicken on his laptop since his handwriting is so bad.  I was in the middle of balancing his checkbook on the computer when I casually mentioned that Sis said he drove to the convenience store.  He said just to the store around the corner.  I said that he shouldn't tell the home health care lady about that.  He went off, AGAIN, saying I was treating him like a child, that he wasn't stupid that he knew what to say and what not to say.  He was yelling at me.  I sat there blinking and tears filling my eyes.  I told him to stop yelling at me or I was not going to come back.  Then he got up to do something and I continued what I was doing while crying.  I nearly got up and left right then but I knew I needed to stay.  

The HHC lady came and noticed I was upset.  He totally jumped up from his chair and was answering questions and acting like he's all better and doing great, which he really is doing well.  When she was done and left boy Daddy was oh so sweet asking questions about my studio, being oh so kind, NOT!  I said I had to go to the office and I high-tailed it out of there.  

I am absolutely heartbroken by his attacks.  I texted my Bro and Sis and told them what happened for the 2ND TIME!  Sis said he feels like I am trying to take away his independence.  WHAT THE HELL!  I just want what's good for him and safe and safe for the public.  For goodness sake the man has had strokes and should not be driving but I never said he couldn't.  I just don't understand why he keeps going after me.  I have cried so many tears today and am so very sad.

Now we are in the middle of the night and I just dozed off to sleep and then our sweet dog, Clayton is sick, AGAIN, like he was a couple of weeks ago.  Itching like crazy and vomiting and vomiting.  Last time I had him at the vet and the poor guy had hives.  No hives this time but his poor tummy.  He is pacing and pacing and wants to go outside to eat plants and promptly come inside to throw it all up on my floor.  Why is he doing this at night.  Last time he was eating my lemon grass plant but the vet said it wouldn't hurt him.  He's again eating that plant and that is not fun for him to get rid of or me to clean up, several times.  Tonight I turned off his doggy door but that poses another problem where goes to the door and barks to go outside.  Dang it.  So twice now I've turned off the alarm and walked around the yard with him with a flashlight and not allowing him to eat stuff.  He's eating my pansies too and I've had those in the yard for several years now.  

I'm sleepy, exhausted, mentally and now physically. We are in my room with the door shut.  He is pacing, itching and faux throwing up, and I'm typing, wishing for a good nights sleep that is not going to happen.  I had planned to spend the day at my easel but I have an idea that's not going to happen.  No sleep makes a shaky paintbrush.  

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