Thursday, October 15, 2009

Feeling Disconnected

I apoligize for not being here and there lately.  I have been feeling a little bit disconnected with my blog-nality.  I haven't even been reading many blogs either and not sure why exactly.  This incessant rain has me a little down.  We've gone from summer straight to fall/winter and that usually sets in a depression phase for me.  I NEED sunshine!  Actually, I feel great.  My workouts have been awesome (thanks W) and my eating is not too bad.  I've been taking my vitamins and minerals and they have been helping my skin issues.  Let me tell you something, when I turned 50 (now 53) my skin decided to make a u-turn from oil to the sahara desert, except for my face and hair, that is consistently oil. I can't believe how it has changed.

 (Okay, keep reading if you want but this is going to be a rambling post today...)

I have a lot of stuff on my mind as of late.  I'm excited with Thanksgiving rolling around as our youngest is going to be home for 2 weeks and I'M going to cook Thanksgiving dinner.  I so missed that last year and I have decided that even if it was just The Hubby and myself that I was going to do it.  I think my Daddy will be traveling to stay with his sister in Arizona for about 4 months and we all think that would be awesome for him.  That also means that, if he goes, we are going to get in his house, rent a POD, and move all the furniture out to paint and recarpet and get it nice for when he comes back.  I'm very excited about that. 

Part of my sadness, I think, is that our friend K who we set up with Bee after his wife (my best friend) died are getting married December 5.  That does have me a bit wonky but I'm so very glad for them both.  With this being put out there I'm feeling, yet again, the effects of the loss of my friend and confident in Gail and my mother.  I have a lot of friends, many, many friends but those two were the ones that I could tell ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to and not feel that I was bad or weird.  Don't you have different levels of friends that you can spill it all out to and some that you have to be careful what you divulge.  I have friends that I just have to keep my lips a little more silent and I don't like that.  I like to be who I am and say what I want to say.  Those two people in my life did not judge me at all in anything I shared with them.  I just don't have that anymore, not even with The Hubby to an extent.  It's just different with women and men relationships, even married ones.  Don't get me wrong, The Hubby and I are very, very close but you know when you have a gripe about the spouse you need a sounding board sometimes and those boards for me are just gone.  I can't talk to my girls, at least I don't think I should, it's just not right.  I'm still flailing out there trying to find my balance in the world of friendship.  It will get better, eventually but for now I'm just sad about it all. 

7 comments:

Char said...

I understand your feelings and yes, I understand even needing a place you feel safe to tell/vent what you need to say. It is sad when you don't have that. Hopefully that will work out.

I'll be thinking of you.

Jamie said...

I hope things look brighter soon and I hope God sends you a shining angel friend to help fill the void that those you have lost have left.

Janie B said...

I'm sorry you are feeling such a great loss. I used to feel the same way and still do to a certain extent. I don't have a best friend I can talk to either. I fell into a depression because of keeping things in too much. It's not healthy. Feel free to email me if you ever need to vent. I'm a good listener and I won't judge.

lagirl/sweet tea said...

Perhaps it's the change of the season that is playing with your mind - lots of cloudy, rainy days do a thing on me too. I'm sorry you are feeling sad and lonely. Yes, it will pass, but it's miserable while you're feeling that way...I've not been blogging much lately either. I love to hear from my Blog friends, but just can't seem to find words for my thoughts lately. *We need SUNSHINE!*

Kay said...

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit out of sorts. I think we all get that occassionally. Everytime I feel like that my husband says, "exercise." Sheesh... Sometimes, several things... changes... etc. all happen at once and we have to adjust to them which can be a challenge.

Gloria said...

You have a warm heart Jill, no wonder you're feeling so sad. Hope the video, DJ Talent put a little smile on your face today!

A big hug to you across the miles:)

furniture Toronto said...

Hi. Sometimes we all have more or less difficult periods of our lives. However, I'm sure things gets better. For me is this seasons change also very hard time. I love summer and sunshine and it's difficult to get used to cold, windy and rainy weather. But when Indian summer comes I feel very happy and optimistic. And I try to enjoy Thanksgiving and upcoming Christmas atmosphere.

Good luck,
Ella